A horrifying journey with my grandfather persuaded me: pensioners need a driving test ...Middle East

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I do so for the simple reason that I’ve witnessed the effects of elderly driving up close. I’ve seen just how difficult it can be for older drivers to accept that they may not be quite as effective behind the wheel as they once were, and likely never will be again.

I held a contrary opinion: STOP NOW!

Both grandparents were blindsided by the very suggestion. Lunch at a restaurant! We could eat at home, surely? I explained my radical idea by stealth, over several days, and eventually, goaded in no small part by his wife, he conceded. I suggested that I drive, but he scoffed. It was his car, and he alone drove it. He went to fetch his driving gloves – blissfully unaware of what Alan Partridge had done to the reputation of driving gloves – and then he went downstairs to “warm up” the ancient Fiat 127. My grandmother, meanwhile, applied perfume, and fetched her pearls and a silk scarf.

The more stressed he became, the tighter his grip on the steering wheel got, and the more he pressed down on the accelerator. We were now speeding with a lunatic onward momentum, my grandfather adamant to see this through one way or the other.

square SIMON KELNER

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We’d missed Como altogether, and eventually arrived into a small town every bit as non-descript as their Milanese suburb. The few restaurants had long since finished their lunch service, and were preparing for dinner. We would not be staying for dinner. I suggested a walk, and bought ice cream in the hope of lifting the collective mood. I watched as my grandmother gripped her husband’s arm, conveying comfort to him by touch. He looked desperate, and frightened. I felt such tenderness for him then.

It was he who needed reminding far more than me, but to my grandfather, who had a habit of shooting the messenger, she said nothing. Who wants to hear such unpleasantness, such a blunt reminder of mortality?

Thing is, we all have to, one day. And so I welcome this “rigourous licence renewal process”. Bring it on. I just hope that if I manage to reach a similar age, I’ll relinquish my keys far quicker than he did.

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