Early life traumas can certainly follow people into adulthood and help shape who they grow up to be. For instance, people who dealt with childhood name-calling can develop traits as adults that are a direct reflection of the bullying they received when they were younger. Parade consulted with two psychologists on this topic to better understand how this experience in childhood can affect someone as an adult.Dr. Craig Kain is a licensed psychologist who provides therapy and counseling services in California. And Dr. Stefanie Mazer is a licensed psychologist with in-person services in Florida and Telepsychology services across 42 states. They both express how damaging it can be for people to endure name-calling as children—and how that trauma can last decades later.Dr. Kain says that some of the common names children are called—sometimes even by their own parents—include derogatory terms like "fat," "lazy," "weak, "sensitive" and "stupid." And Dr. Mazer adds that it's not uncommon for insults to attack "personal or cultural identity," with slurs based on religion, race or gender. She adds that name-calling "can erode a child's self-esteem" as well as "shape the way they see themselves."As Dr. Kain notes, name-calling when someone is young is extra impactful because their brains are still developing. "Children's minds are basically sponges absorbing information with very little filtering," he says. "The ability to distinguish fact from opinion does not fully develop until adulthood."With such vitriolic treatment during a vital developmental part of someone's life, it's understandable why it can impact them years later. "So, just from a biological perspective, words count and have a lasting impact," Dr. Kain explains.Related: Individuals Who Were Considered 'Dramatic' as Kids Often Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
"Name-calling is an attack on our personhood. Someone else is defining [us]," says Dr. Kain. "The idea that we are these things, that these are essential traits we cannot change about ourselves, leaves us feeling hopeless and depressed."And it doesn't necessarily matter that a lot of time has passed since the inciting incident. "Years later, those same words may still echo, causing [people] to question their value," Dr. Mazer explains. She says this can manifest in depression or "a tendency to withdraw socially," as an adult.
2. Anxiety
Anxiety is another common trait for people to develop after dealing with name-calling as children. "Even as adults, they often anticipate being called some version of the name used to hurt them as a child," Dr. Kain says. He adds that they then may spend "an enormous amount of time and energy" trying to circumvent scenarios where they feel those judgments may be passed on them as adults.
Dr. Mazer says it's not uncommon for children who were called names to become people pleasers as adults, "in the hope of gaining acceptance," she says. She adds that "in an effort to avoid criticism," they will often "go out of their way" for others. Like the anxiety trait, this one has a similar crux: preventing negative feedback or stopping criticism before it can take place.Related: These 7 ‘Nice Girl’ Behaviors Could Actually Be Hurting You, According to Psychologists
4. Perfectionism
Dr. Mazer says some adults will form "perfectionist habits" and "push to excel in order to prove their value" to combat the negative words they heard growing up. She adds that they may operate with a "belief that only flawless performance will protect them from judgment."
Dr. Mazer says a common result of childhood name-calling is low self-esteem as an adult. She shares that people may be "unsure of their value" or question their abilities, "even in the face of real achievements." Dr. Mazer adds that they may be extra sensitive to rejection and view "even neutral comments as criticism."And Dr. Kain adds that it's common for the adults to exhibit negative self-talk, where they may even "continue the childhood trauma by calling themselves names."
6. Body dysmorphia
"This typically arises when someone has been called 'fat,' 'chubby' or even 'scrawny,'" Dr. Kain explains. "If we are given a distorted description of how we appear, we will incorporate it into our psyche, and it will become our own literal view of ourselves." He adds that this type of childhood name-calling can manifest in adults through disordered eating, body dysmorphia, overexercising and "an unhealthy preoccupation" with appearance.
"Even if we leave the names we were called behind, there may be residual shame," Dr. Kain says. He adds that, "in an attempt to avoid feelings of embarrassment," adults may try to block out these traumatic parts of their childhood, which can affect the relationships they try to form as adults."Add to that any feelings of shame based on the lingering belief that the name callers may have been right about who we were as a child," he shares. "And we will be reluctant to let people truly get to know us... It's hard to be in an intimate relationship when you won't talk about your past."
8. Fear of opening up
With children who may have been called "too sensitive," Dr. Kain says it's common for them to grow into adults who are "afraid to share their feelings." "Being in a situation where they feel strong emotions may be traumatic," he adds.Dr. Mazer says this can also manifest as adults thinking that their feelings aren't valid—especially if they were often called dramatic when they were young. "It can cause them to feel the need to justify and defend every feeling," she says. "[Or it] may cause them to be guarded... or hesitant to open up."Related: If You Heard These 7 Phrases Growing Up, You Were Probably Raised by Passive-Aggressive Parents
People who were called "stupid" when they were young may grow into adults who "doubt their intelligence," says Dr. Mazer.Dr. Kain says that this type of childhood name-calling is particularly common for kids who deal with learning disabilities, and it can lead to them feeling "inferior to colleagues" in work settings later in life.He adds that bullying associated with intelligence specifically can cause adults to avoid trying to learn new things. "I often see this in adult clients who are very intelligent, but because someone in a position of power called them 'stupid,' they won't attempt to learn new computer skills, change careers or go back to school," he shares.
10. Lack of motivation
Dr. Kain says that those called "lazy" as children may have issues with motivation as adults. "They will often struggle to accomplish things," he says. "But the reality is they weren't motivated to do the task in the first place. If I redirect their attention to a task they are interested in, they can often see that the label 'lazy' doesn't fit."And Dr. Mazer cautions that the "lazy" label can lead to situations where the adults feel the need to "push themselves to exhaustion in an effort to prove they are not lazy."
11. Distrust
"Early childhood experiences of name-calling and bullying teach us people aren't trustworthy," Dr. Kain says, adding that it's particularly egregious if the bullying comes from a loved one like a parent. "We learn that we can't rely on others to care for us. We learn that people aren't safe," he adds.This can make forming healthy relationships as an adult very hard, says Dr. Mazer, adding that people may be fearful "that letting someone in could lead to the same kind of hurt they experienced in the past."Related: People Who Were ‘Coddled’ as Children Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
Tips for Healing From Childhood Name-Calling
Dr. Kain says many of these adult traits are a "self-fulfilling prophecy" with "different names develop[ing] into different behaviors as adults." But for anyone who did deal with childhood name-calling, there are ways to combat those traumas in adulthood. "The key is to develop alternative ways of viewing oneself, thus creating new neural pathways to supersede the old ones," he explains. He recommends trying to focus on moments of your own resilience or success to try to combat negative ideals about yourself. He adds that seeking professional assistance from someone like a therapist can also be helpful.Dr. Mazer agrees with that notion, saying that "healing is possible" but that it can require "conscious work" to do so. She says people need to recognize that the negative words they heard as children don't reflect "their true worth." She adds that therapy gives someone a "safe space to challenge" old thoughts and find healthier ones to replace them with.Up Next:
Related: People Who Grew up With Super-Negative Parents Often Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
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Dr. Craig Kain is a licensed psychologist providing therapy and counseling services in California.Dr. Stefanie Mazer is a licensed psychologist providing in-person services in Florida and Telepsychology services across 42 states.Hence then, the article about people who were name called in childhood often develop these 11 traits as adults psychologists say was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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