This is an extremely painful column to write. And I mean that in the literal sense. I have so much pain in my knee joint that it’s tender to the touch, and whenever I bend it, I let out a yelp of agony. Going up and down stairs is a serious challenge. What’s painful, too, is the fact that I have to admit – to myself, to you, and to the world beyond – that I have gout.
I am one of the estimated 1.5 million gout sufferers in the UK, so I know I’m not alone. But I wonder how many of those afflicted suffer in silence. There is still something of a stigma attached to gout, which was known as the “disease of Kings” for its connection to high living and an unhealthy, sybaritic diet. Henry VIII? Me? You’ve got to be joking.
Except that it’s by no means a joke. Gout is a form of inflammatory arthritis that attacks the joints – most typically, the big toe – and is caused by the build-up of uric acid in one’s body. Put simply, food and drink such as red wine, beer, red meat, shellfish, offal, and certain types of vegetable, are rich in uric acid, and an excess of this waste fluid leads to the formation of crystals around one’s joints, causing swelling and pain.
square SIMON KELNER I've never been more proud to be a dull man
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There are other causes, such as obesity and genetic disposition, but, taken as a whole, you can see why a condition that harks back to medieval times and suggests someone living high on the hog, overweight and over-indulgent, is not that easy to be out and proud about, particularly in the age of Ozempic and an obsession with skinniness. As the restaurant critic Giles Coren, a fellow sufferer, wrote: “Gout is so 18th-century. It’s like, why don’t I get scarlet fever and syphilis as well, while I’m about it?”
It’s never going to be fashionable, but if more people in the public realm admit to their gouty tendencies, at least it will help destigmatise the condition. The reality TV star and This Morning presenter Josie Gibson helped the cause when she admitted recently that she had been struck down with the condition during the filming of her latest TV show.
This particular series was called Around the World in First Class, which required Ms Gibson to undertake an odyssey that saw her sample the delights of first-class travel, eating and drinking her way from continent to continent.
The show might equally have been called “How to Develop Gout at 30,000 Feet”, and Ms Gibson was forthright about her diagnosis. “I thought only kings like Henry VIII got gout,” she said. “I was like, I’m a 40-year-old woman, this is really embarrassing… I love my food too much. I just can’t help it.” Gout is more common in men than women (men, naturally, have higher levels of uric acid), so Ms Gibson’s diagnosis was unusual, and her openness about it even more so.
One of the reasons behind sufferers’ reluctance to discuss their condition is the common perception that gout is in some senses self-inflicted. Certainly, that’s partly true, and the rise in diagnoses of gout (some estimates suggest as much as a doubling in the past decade) are explained by a richer diet and greater life expectancy.
But also some ethnic and racial groups – Han Chinese, and those of African-American descent, for example – have a greater disposition to gout. So genetic factors also come into play, which make it even less of a laughing matter.
And as I sit here, sharing my misery with you, my knee throbbing almost visibly, I curse my luck. Not only am I in pain, but also somewhat in shame. There’s self-recrimination, too. Much though I enjoyed it, I wish I’d never had that pint of bitter last night.
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