"Some common developmental milestones around age 7 include a more solid sense of time, along with dressing themselves, tying their shoes and doing their own dental care with brushing teeth and flossing," states Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
"They are able to identify and name a wider range of feelings beyond the basics, like being happy or sad," Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, a psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health, tells Parade. "They also understand that other people have different thoughts, feelings and experiences than they [do]."
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What Actually Motivates Kids—They All Said the Same Thing
Emotional regulation allows people to manage their emotional responses, helping to problem-solve, make friends and cope with conflict. One way to teach how to regulate emotions is by helping kids name emotions.
The Brain Before Age 7: Why This Developmental Window Matters
It may help to go inside a child's brain to understand why emotional regulation is one of the key age-7 developmental milestones. Child psychology's understanding of emotional intelligence has evolved over the years. Here's what we know.
Dr. Smith adds that major developments within a child's brain by age seven include building connections between the "emotions" and "logic" parts of the brain, so you may find yourself saying "no hitting" way less as your kid moves through elementary school.
To be clear, a person's brain development is far from over on their seventh birthday.
On that note....
Psychologists say there are different types of regulation, and it often involves another person.
Indeed, expecting self-regulation is not how to stop toddler tantrums. It's useful to know top co-regulation techniques for parents and grandparents, like sitting with a child and comforting them. Dr. Guarnotta notes that it's developmentally expected for children not to be able to calm themselves down.
Eventually, those pathways lead to better self-regulation skills in children. But what does that mean?
Related: The #1 Mistake Parents and Grandparents Should Avoid Making With Their Kids, According to a Psychologist
5 Ways Parents and Grandparents Can Teach the Skill Today
Dr. Dara Houp, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with Pathways Psychological Services in NYC, says children need to co-regulate before they can self-regulate. They will lean on their caregiver (you) for that (perhaps literally).
2. Be a role model for emotional regulation
Parents can role-model self-regulation in other ways beyond co-regulating with their kids. Remember, children are like sponges, absorbing everything so they can learn. So, next time you spill a bucket of water when you're using an actual sponge, use it as a teachable moment.
Dr. Guarnotta stresses the importance of naming emotions for kids, as it can set the foundation for emotional regulation and intelligence.
For instance, the psychologist advises against saying "You're fine" when a child gets upset. Instead, she suggests something like, "You're really upset that we have to leave the park."
4. Read books and stories that show how to do it
Toddlers don't learn from lectures the way some college students do, but they can "hit the books" with their favorite grown-ups.
Mid-tantrum is not the time to explain the benefits of diaphragmatic breathing. Your child may not even be able to hear you over their crying, let alone take a breath.
Then, she suggests practicing with them and talking about why these skills are helpful and when to use them.
Parenting has evolved over the years, and teaching emotional regulation has become a greater priority. If grandparents are involved in children's lives, teaching emotional regulation may seem foreign. In fact, they may roll their eyes at gentle parenting scripts. However, psychologists say emotional regulation is still important for kids to learn, and it's possible to get everyone on the same page. Here's how.
1. Make it a "we" project
"Most grandparents genuinely want what's best for their grandchildren," she says. "Starting with something like, 'I know you always want to comfort them,' makes people much more open to hearing a different approach than beginning with criticism."
"Finding common ground may be a helpful starting point," she notes.
Grandparents aren't "wrong." Times have changed, and Dr. Smith suggests that parents acknowledge generational differences and the changes that have occurred.
"Prioritizing emotional regulation is one of the improvements," she notes.
3. Stand your ground
If necessary, Dr. Smith says it's reasonable for parents to say, “I appreciate your concern, but I have to do what I think is best. My sense, along with the research, shows this is best, so I’m going to try this way. And if I see something that tells me to change it, I will make changes along the way.”
Related: 7 Phrases Grandparents Should Avoid To Foster Better Relationships With Grandkids, Psychologist Says
Sources:
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, is a psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health.Dr. Dara Houp, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist with Pathways Psychological Services in NYC.Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.Hence then, the article about the one emotional skill psychologists say parents and grandparents should teach before age 7 was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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