You may feel like it was only just yesterday you were Googling, "How to stop toddler tantrums." Then all of a sudden, your child is a teenager. But there's a whole decade in between that deserves attention. We often think of a child's first birthday and entrance into kindergarten as massive growth markers before teenagehood, and it can certainly go fast. But psychologists say that it's worth understanding general age-7 developmental milestones, too.
"Some common developmental milestones around age 7 include a more solid sense of time, along with dressing themselves, tying their shoes and doing their own dental care with brushing teeth and flossing," states Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
She says that, around 7 years old, kids become better at pronouncing words correctly and speaking in more complete sentences (but it was so cute to listen to your toddler say, "Me want fi-y crackor" instead of "I want fishy crackers, please"). Socially and emotionally, Dr. Smith shares that kids are making more friendships and attuned to others' feelings and their own. Another psychologist agrees.
"They are able to identify and name a wider range of feelings beyond the basics, like being happy or sad," Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, a psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health, tells Parade. "They also understand that other people have different thoughts, feelings and experiences than they [do]."
However, psychologists emphasize that children need to actually learn certain emotional skills before this stage in order to develop them. But which ones? Psychologists share the most important emotional skill parents and grandparents should teach kids before age 7. They also explain tips for how to teach kids about feelings.
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According to psychologists, it's important to teach a child emotional regulation before age 7, stating it's a critical developmental milestone.
Emotional regulation allows people to manage their emotional responses, helping to problem-solve, make friends and cope with conflict. One way to teach how to regulate emotions is by helping kids name emotions.
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The Brain Before Age 7: Why This Developmental Window Matters
It may help to go inside a child's brain to understand why emotional regulation is one of the key age-7 developmental milestones. Child psychology's understanding of emotional intelligence has evolved over the years. Here's what we know.
"The brain develops rapidly in early childhood," Dr. Guarnotta explains. "During the first few years of life, it’s building connections at a rapid pace, especially in the areas that are involved in regulating emotions."
Dr. Smith adds that major developments within a child's brain by age seven include building connections between the "emotions" and "logic" parts of the brain, so you may find yourself saying "no hitting" way less as your kid moves through elementary school.
"By age 7, children are expected to use words to express themselves rather than engage in physical acting out," she says.
To be clear, a person's brain development is far from over on their seventh birthday.
"The prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, problem-solving and emotional regulation, is still developing well into young adulthood," Dr. Guarnotta explains. "Children, therefore, rely on their caregivers to help them regulate because their brains are not yet able to. This is why co-regulation is so important."
On that note....
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Psychologists say there are different types of regulation, and it often involves another person.
"Think about a toddler who falls down and immediately looks for a parent to pick them up, soothe them and help them feel safe again," says Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. "That's co-regulation."
Indeed, expecting self-regulation is not how to stop toddler tantrums. It's useful to know top co-regulation techniques for parents and grandparents, like sitting with a child and comforting them. Dr. Guarnotta notes that it's developmentally expected for children not to be able to calm themselves down.
"They learn through repeated experiences of having a trusted adult support them through big emotions," she tells Parade. "Each time that a parent or caregiver responds with patience, helps a child name their feelings or models a coping skill, it strengthens the neural pathways in the child’s brain."
Eventually, those pathways lead to better self-regulation skills in children. But what does that mean?
"Self-regulation... is when children learn to regulate on their own," Dr. Guarnotta says. "Over time, they learn how to internalize these strategies and begin applying them without relying on adult support. Self-regulation is not something that children master at a young age. It takes time, and even adults continue to struggle."
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5 Ways Parents and Grandparents Can Teach the Skill Today
It's important to understand how to teach kids about feelings, and it can start before a child begins to talk. Psychologists shared ways parents and grandparents can guide emotional regulation from birth.
Dr. Dara Houp, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with Pathways Psychological Services in NYC, says children need to co-regulate before they can self-regulate. They will lean on their caregiver (you) for that (perhaps literally).
"For example, when a movie ends, and the child is angry and yelling for more screen time, instead of matching the child’s intensity, a parent can soften their voice, get on the child’s level and speak slowly," she explains. "This models a different way of responding to intense emotions and helps the child understand that their big emotion isn’t overwhelming to you."
2. Be a role model for emotional regulation
Parents can role-model self-regulation in other ways beyond co-regulating with their kids. Remember, children are like sponges, absorbing everything so they can learn. So, next time you spill a bucket of water when you're using an actual sponge, use it as a teachable moment.
"If a parent takes a deep breath before responding and says, 'I'm feeling frustrated, so I'm going to slow down,' or demonstrates healthy coping strategies, children begin to understand what regulation actually looks like in real life," Dr. Schiff notes.
Dr. Guarnotta stresses the importance of naming emotions for kids, as it can set the foundation for emotional regulation and intelligence.
"Children cannot regulate emotions that they don’t understand," she explains. "Learning emotional vocabulary helps them identify what they’re feeling and communicate their needs."
For instance, the psychologist advises against saying "You're fine" when a child gets upset. Instead, she suggests something like, "You're really upset that we have to leave the park."
"The goal is to validate the emotion and build their emotional vocabulary so they can start to name their own feelings," she explains.
4. Read books and stories that show how to do it
Toddlers don't learn from lectures the way some college students do, but they can "hit the books" with their favorite grown-ups.
Dr. Smith says that books and stories with themes about feelings provide "practical, real-life examples of people emotionally regulating." She says these books are natural ways to expose kids and grandkids to feelings from a young age, adding that the young main characters are often relatable to little ones.
Mid-tantrum is not the time to explain the benefits of diaphragmatic breathing. Your child may not even be able to hear you over their crying, let alone take a breath.
"When a child is overwhelmed, it’s nearly impossible to learn a new skill," Dr. Guarnotta states. "New skills need to be taught when the brain is calm. Introduce skills like deep breathing, a calm-down corner or drawing when children are feeling good."
Then, she suggests practicing with them and talking about why these skills are helpful and when to use them.
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Parenting has evolved over the years, and teaching emotional regulation has become a greater priority. If grandparents are involved in children's lives, teaching emotional regulation may seem foreign. In fact, they may roll their eyes at gentle parenting scripts. However, psychologists say emotional regulation is still important for kids to learn, and it's possible to get everyone on the same page. Here's how.
1. Make it a "we" project
Dr. Schiff suggests leading with appreciation instead of correction.
"Most grandparents genuinely want what's best for their grandchildren," she says. "Starting with something like, 'I know you always want to comfort them,' makes people much more open to hearing a different approach than beginning with criticism."
Dr. Houp agrees, adding that lines like this one can also promote the idea that everyone is on the same team.
"Finding common ground may be a helpful starting point," she notes.
She suggests saying, "I know you want the best for Sammy just like we do. We’re hoping to teach him how to tolerate big emotions so he can make healthy decisions even when he’s mad.”
Grandparents aren't "wrong." Times have changed, and Dr. Smith suggests that parents acknowledge generational differences and the changes that have occurred.
She cautions against acting judgmentally. Instead, she recommends letting grandparents know that "some of the ways we used to do still have merit." However, we've made improvements in some areas.
"Prioritizing emotional regulation is one of the improvements," she notes.
3. Stand your ground
When in doubt, remember, you're the child's parents.
If necessary, Dr. Smith says it's reasonable for parents to say, “I appreciate your concern, but I have to do what I think is best. My sense, along with the research, shows this is best, so I’m going to try this way. And if I see something that tells me to change it, I will make changes along the way.”
Up Next:
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Sources:
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, is a psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health.Dr. Dara Houp, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist with Pathways Psychological Services in NYC.Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.Hence then, the article about the one emotional skill psychologists say parents and grandparents should teach before age 7 was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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