Many parents want to say they successfully raised their child. “Succeeding” as a parent can be tricky, however. There’s a lot to consider: different parenting styles to choose from, whether your kids are happy, how to raise an independent child and much more. Keeping up with all of that is tough. Picking your battles is tough. Supporting your child through struggles they're facing and stressful world events is tough.Then, there’s also the matter of knowing if you’ve “succeeded” as a parent. How do you actually define or operationalize that success? Is it a child’s happiness? A child who grew up to have a well-paying job? A child who still comes home for the holidays and regularly picks up the phone? Someone who considers their parents to be their closest confidants? There’s no simple, clear-cut definition. Plus, imposter syndrome can unfortunately come into play, making "good” parents feel inadequate or like they didn’t do “enough.”For a starting point into what “success” looks like as a parent of a grown-up kid, here are 11 subtle habits that children whose parents "succeeded" share. Plus, psychologists reveal how to continue making a positive difference in your adult children's lives.Related: 11 Phrases Child Psychologists Say Can Secretly Harm a Child’s Confidence
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11 Habits of an Adult Child That Signal 'Successful' Parenting, According to Psychologists
Reacting in the heat of a stressful moment is all too tempting—but some adult children know how to avoid that.“They can slow their body and brain before responding, which keeps emotions from hijacking their behavior,” Dr. Capanna-Hodge explains. “Kids learn, ‘I can do this’ and not get overwhelmed by fear or irritation.”In the face of a difficult task, they might take a breath and keep trying rather than yelling and giving up. “They trust their ability to problem-solve and recover, rather than needing someone else to rescue or direct them,” she continues. Related: 13 Ways To Be a Good Mom That Make a Lasting Difference, According to Experts
2. They have a full range of emotional expression
Considering both yourself and others is another thing “successful” parents teach their kids.“These adult children are able to have a balance (does not always have to be 50/50) of not being consistently selfish or consistently being a martyr,” Dr. Smith shares.
4. They know and utilize coping skills
“Boundaries” is not a bad word. “‘Successful’ parents model and teach what healthy boundaries are and reinforce them, as well as respect them, even when they are applied to them,” Dr. Smith says.It's also important to note that therapists want people to remember one thing about boundaries: Someone not responding well to your boundary doesn’t mean it wasn’t okay to set it. That says more about them than it does about you and your set limits.Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros
6. They have confidence, but not arrogance
Staying emotionally connected to people can be scary, especially for someone with a fearful-avoidant attachment style. If your adult child can do it anyway, that’s a good sign.“They stay present in relationships even when things get hard, choosing connection instead of pulling away,” Dr. Capanna-Hodge states. “They know that you can set boundaries and have hard conversations with others and still be connected.”
8. They can be flexible and adapt
Being present in the moment is important, as is being informed about what’s happened and what’s to come.“Healthy, well-adjusted adult children are able to connect with present moments and live, for the most part, in the present,” Dr. Smith shares. “At the same time, they are able to think to the future and take actions, as well as make plans to set them up for success, or what they want to work towards going forward.”The trickiest part may be looking to the past without dwelling there, and with purpose. She says a healthy adult child can reflect on past experiences to reminisce or recall lessons, while also knowing that the past can’t be changed.
10. They ask for help without shame
According to Dr. Smith, this is a mix of “acting like an adult” and being able to unwind and have a good time. “Now, the parent may have a different view than their adult child about what being responsible and fun entail, but the adult child is able to make space for both and not have to overly rely on their parents,” she says. Related: The One Simple Step To Take for a Better Relationship with Your Adult Kids, According to Psychologists
1. Maintain emotion regulation
On a similar note, parents need to be able to address their personal needs so they can be the best parents possible. “Most people did not have the healthiest upbringing in one way or another, so you, as a parent, may have your own work to do to be able to ‘successfully’ raise your child,” Dr. Smith says. “This may be work you do on your own, with the aid of self-help resources or with a trained professional.” You might try some deep shadow work prompts or learn emotion regulation as an adult.
3. Clarify what 'successful' parenting looks like and means to you
4. Keep the child’s well-being in mind
As a parent, you may experience many tough things, such as stress and divorce. Dr. Smith encourages you to consider your child throughout.“Too many times, a parent uses the child in problematic ways, sometimes consciously, other times not, but avoid doing [that],” she suggests. “You can dislike, despise, hate the other person(s), but the child’s health and well-being need to remain the focus.”Parents aren’t perfect, but they can try. Let this guide be a starting point as you navigate your parenting journey.Up Next:
Related: 18 Phrases To Use With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Birmingham, AL, who has experience working with families.Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, Ed.D., is a certified school psychologist, a parent and child mental health expert, and Integrative Children’s Mental Health Expert and the founder of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health.Hence then, the article about psychologists reveal you ve succeeded as a parent if your adult child has these 11 subtle habits was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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