People Who Were Cyberbullied as Kids Often Develop These 7 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say ...Saudi Arabia

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People Who Were Cyberbullied as Kids Often Develop These 7 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

Bullying is, unfortunately, nothing new. You or someone you know may have experienced the downright meanness of someone, whether at school, at work, at home or in another setting. Ever since computers and phones entered the mix, that setting began to include online spaces, such as social media, apps or other websites. Cyberbullying is super harmful and its effects can be long-lasting—children and teens who've experienced it may feel its impact even into adulthood.And when it comes to cyberbullying, the kids affected aren’t the only key players—parents are, too. Moms and dads may search for ways to support their child who is being bullied or educate them about bullying and how to stand up for others. Essentially, it all comes down to this: The more we talk about bullying and cyberbullying—with kids, teens, teachers, parents—the better. Parade is here to help. We spoke to two psychologists who share all you need to know, from how cyberbullying’s effects differ from “regular” bullying, why it’s so harmful, seven traits that adults may develop afterward, how to educate children about bullying and what to do if your child is being cyberbullied.Related: People Who Were Name-Called in Childhood Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

Bullying and cyberbullying both involve cruelty toward another person and are (obviously) harmful. There are clear differences, however, and psychologists say cyberbullying can be extra distressing.“Traditional bullying usually stays confined to specific places/times, but that is not the case with cyberbullying,” says Dr. Vincent Halbrook, PsyD, LCAS, a licensed clinical psychologist and the medical spokesperson for EHG of NC. “It follows kids into their home and continues to affect them even long after the initial incident.”That creates a stress response that’s both lasting and serious. “Having that constant fear or worry that the next text, Instagram message or TikTok post is going to be an aggressive or harmful one (and not having a space to decompress) worsens anxiety and hypervigilance,” says Dr. Ayesha Ludhani, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in therapy for children, teens and their parents at her practice, Ludhani Psychological Services. She says it can turn into shame and rumination that can even lead to suicidal thoughts or self-harm.The “public” part of social media means more emotional ramifications, too, Dr. Halbrook adds. Since the mean comments can be seen by more people, and over a longer span of time, the child may feel more publicly humiliated. It’s truly a nightmare.And that’s been noted in research. A review inThe Canadian Journal of Psychiatryreported that cyberbullying has “unique qualities that can both magnify the damage caused and make it more difficult to detect.” It said that youth who experience cyberbullying reported higher levels of depression, anxiety, emotional distress, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempts, somatic complaints, poorer physical health, increased delinquency and substance use.Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 12 Behaviors

    Why Can Cyberbullying Be So Harmful?

    In addition to the “public” piece and the embarrassment that elicits, cyberbullying also invades a space that kids and teens may otherwise enjoy, or feel FOMO (the fear of missing out) without. While that may sound inconsequential, it’s not: Social media can, at times, be a fun and meaningful place for funny memes, cultural moments and connecting with friends. When cyberbullying is a risk, it’s not anymore. It’s scary and damaging.“Cyberbullying distorts the kids’ sense of safe ‘digital spaces’ because they experience how a single hurtful post spreads fast,” Dr. Halbrook says. “The child ultimately begins to feel as if the whole world is watching and mocking them, even if that maybe is not the case.”There’s also the fact that—as you’ve probably seen—people can “hide” on social media by using fake names, making it easier and more comfortable to be mean. “There’s the anonymity of it all, which can lead to the bullies being harsher than they may be in face-to-face interactions,” Dr. Ludhani says. “People often get bolder when they have the distance and space of a screen to separate them from the other person’s reactions.”Related: Child Psychologists Warn Against These 7 Things They Never Do With Their Own Kids

    As a result of those experiences, adults who experienced cyberbullying in their childhood may (or may not) present with the following traits, psychologists say.

    Having even one bad online experience can create anxiety that it will happen again. This can show up as someone being super-aware of (and worried about) how they're portrayed and perceived in online spaces. “As adults, they become hypervigilant about what they share to protect themselves from being hurt,” Dr. Halbrook shares. For example, they might not post much or freak out when they see that someone tagged them in a post.

    2. Caution in relationships

    That wariness can extend to IRL relationships, too—even seemingly close, trustworthy ones. After all, they were hurt by a person in their life, not a computer, cellphone or random person. “Cyberbullying often comes from people that the child once trusted or considered friends,” Dr. Halbrook explains. “This becomes a stark reminder that even trusted connections can become hurtful.” In practice, you may notice the person is avoidant or second-guesses positive things people say about them.

    For someone who was bullied (and in such a public space), being around others and their opinions can be scary. “If you were publicly shamed online, that can make social situations feel risky, even after the bullying ends,” Dr. Ludhani says. As an adult, that might look like worrying about how you’re perceived, replaying interactions in your head and looking for ways you might have embarrassed yourself.Related: 5 Body Language Red Flags for Teenagers, a Child Psychologist Warns Parents and Grandparents

    4. Strong sensitivity to rejection

    Have you ever talked to an adult who seemed to quickly take things personally or feel disliked? They may have been cyberbullied as a child. It’s not just judgment they're worried about, but rejection in any form. “Repeated cyberbullying ultimately tunes a child’s brain to constantly scan for potential threats,” Dr. Halbrook explains. “Even small shifts in tone or behavior feel amplified, because they’ve learned how minor moments can quickly turn into deep emotional hurt.” Dr. Ludhani adds that these adults might “read between the lines” in emails or texts, brace for criticism or feel devastated hearing any feedback, even if it's constructive.

    Not only do these adults think that others are judging them, but they're also, oftentimes, judging themselves—and for a deeper reason than you might expect. “Repeated online ridicule can rewire the brain to look for flaws as a form of self-protection,” Dr. Ludhani explains. “Harsh messages become internal rules, like ‘Don’t mess up, don’t stand out,’ that continue into adulthood.” 

    6. Hesitating to ask for help 

    Adults who were cyberbullied as kids have a unique understanding of how people can stab them in the back. So, they may be reluctant to trust others and ask for help since it can feel like admitting defeat and inadequacy. “When hurtful moments live online and can’t easily disappear, shame tends to stick around,” Dr. Halbrook explains. “Many grow up feeling that opening up will only bring more judgment, so they avoid seeking help.” Hyperindependence goes hand-in-hand with this one.

    7. Struggling to set boundaries

    Setting (and upholding) boundaries is hard enough, let alone when cyberbullying makes a person feel like no one will listen. “If you were targeted by a cyberbully as a child, you may have learned that keeping others happy was safer than asserting yourself, translating into an adult who bends over backward to avoid conflict or struggles to say no,” Dr. Ludhani says.Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros

    How To Educate Your Children on Cyberbullying

    Justin Paget/Getty Images

    Needless to say, cyberbullying is a serious, not-OK thing. It’s important to educate children about it so they don’t become cyberbullies, and so they can recognize the signs and ask for help if they're on the receiving end. Dr. Halbrook’s first tip is to educate them. “Teach your kids to spot the difference between an instance of online disagreement and someone deliberately trying to hurt them,” he says. Knowing how to disagree respectfully is a necessary and relevant life skill.His second tip is about practice. “Practice actual scenarios together and let them decide on the appropriate action,” he suggests. You, as their grown-up, can help them feel confident in coming to you for support.The timing matters, too. Dr. Ludhani urges starting early and keeping the conversation going rather than making it a one-time lecture. You can talk about what cyberbullying looks like, such as spreading rumors, excluding people in group chats, making cruel comments and impersonating someone. Then, have a conversation about it. What are the real examples the child has seen? How might the person on the receiving end feel? How can the child support the person being cyberbullied? “Just as important as these conversations, model compassion and thoughtful digital behavior yourself,” she adds.Related: 10 Things Every Kid Needs To Hear From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say

    If your child is being cyberbullied, you may be tempted to go to the bully’s parents or the bully themselves—but Dr. Halbrook warns against that. “That conversation rarely goes well and may complicate formal intervention,” he says. Instead, Dr. Halbrook shares the two-step recommendation he finds more effective. “Your first duty as a parent is to collect evidence and report to the authorities,” he states. “Screenshot all proofs before anything gets deleted. Next, report to the school immediately.”Besides those important logistical steps, attend to your child’s emotions. Dr. Ludhani encourages listening calmly and taking them seriously. “A lot of times, children avoid speaking up because they worry their devices are going to get taken away or they’ll be told to ‘just ignore it,’” she says. “Validate their experiences by saying something like, ‘That sounds really upsetting. I’m glad you told me.'"Mental health support may be needed, so monitoring for that is another crucial step. More specifically, Dr. Ludhani says to look out for significant or ongoing distress. If and when you see that, involve a mental health professional. They can help your child rebuild self-confidence, challenge harmful beliefs and learn coping tools.For more resources on bullying and cyberbullying, see StopBullying.gov and the resources compiled by the National Children's Alliance.Up Next:

    Related: 9 Fights With Your Teen That Are Red Flags, Child Psychologists Warn

    Sources:

    Dr. Vincent Halbrook, PsyD, LCAS, is a licensed clinical psychologist and the medical spokesperson for EHG of NC.Dr. Ayesha Ludhani, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist who specializes in therapy for children, teens and their parents at her practice, Ludhani Psychological Services.Cyberbullying in Children and Youth: Implications for Health and Clinical Practice, The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry

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