"Narcissism" is a word that has crept into our culture, with more and more people realizing that their partner, friend or loved one is actually a narcissist. As Dr. Peter Panagakis, PsyD—clinical psychologist and Regional Psychotherapy Director for Mindpath Health—defines it, narcissism is the type of personality in which a person is extremely preoccupied with themselves, often at the expense of others. “Hallmarks of narcissism include a grandiose sense of self-importance, lack of empathy and manipulative or exploitative behavior in relationships,” he tells Parade. Dr. Sarah Lyall-Neal, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at Cleveland Clinic, adds that narcissists generally require high levels of attention and validation, and likely don’t respond well to any kind of criticism. She also says that narcissists put themselves first in most situations, even to the detriment of their own family members (including their children).Perhaps these very circumstances ring an all-too-familiar bell for you, something that harkens back to your own childhood. Parents aren’t perfect, as we all know, but at times, mistakes related to having narcissistic parents can actually lead to unresolved trauma when children grow into adults. As the American Psychiatric Association reported in 2024, an estimated 1 to 2 percent of the U.S. population has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Although that’s not a huge percentage of people, those in that number who are parents can leave a lasting impact on their children. And that doesn't even cover people with narcissistic personality traits, not NPD.If you have a hunch that one or both of your parents is a narcissist, read on for the signs, nine things that children of narcissistic parents often struggle with as adults and discover how to finally heal. Related: 11 Signs of a High-Level Narcissistic Sibling, According to a Psychologist
Dr. Panagakis says that signs of a narcissistic parent may include:
Dr. Lyall-Neal says that narcissistic parents may also engage in role-reversal with their children. “They may treat the child like the adult, relying on them for emotional support and praise,” she explains. Related: One Thing You Should Never, Ever Do if You Have a Narcissistic Parent
9 Things Children of Narcissistic Parents Often Struggle With as Adults, According to Psychologists
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Dr. Panagakis says that oftentimes, adults who were parented by narcissists experience anxiety as they try to predict and prevent potential problems. This can lead to hypervigilance, avoidant behavior, social withdrawal, suppression of emotions or substance use issues.
2. Feeling guilty for prioritizing needs
These adults may feel guilty anytime they prioritize their needs, or even the needs of their own families. “An example might be flying to another state to attend a family gathering, even though this will lead to financial hardship,” Dr. Lyall-Neal says. “The need to please the narcissistic parent overpowers the need to save money to cover needed expenses at home.”This could result in things like credit card debt and finance-related arguments with their spouse. The adult child may feel caught between the needs of their narcissistic parent and the needs of their own family, “often leading to feelings of dissonance,” she explains.
Dr. Lyall-Neal says that in her practice, she’s witnessed that children of narcissistic parents often engage in people-pleasing as a trauma response. These individuals may suppress feelings based on how their narcissistic parent expressed themselves. These parents may have believed “that your needs and wishes are less important,” Dr. Panagakis says.“For instance, they might sacrifice their own boundaries to care for the needs of another person because to not have done so in the past could have led to physical or emotional abuse,” Dr. Lyall-Neal observes.Dr. Panagakis goes on to say that people-pleasing is done to avoid possible conflict, emotional harm and rejection. Related: Individuals Who Grew Up as 'People-Pleasers' Usually Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. Fear of failure
A fear of failure can characterize those who were raised by narcissistic parents. “They might not take on new tasks or projects due to lack of confidence in their competency, likely due to not receiving praise or encouragement or, alternatively, receiving negative feedback when trying new or novel tasks as children,” Dr. Lyall-Neal says.
You may struggle with identifying personal limits and enforcing them. “Or, conversely, have rigid boundaries,” Dr. Panagakis adds. A lack of boundaries or an overabundance of boundaries can create “significant impediment within relationships, leading to an array of problems such as sexual promiscuity, infidelity, divorce, a lack of genuine friendships or loneliness,” he explains.
6. Self-doubt
Overwhelming self-doubt is a common trait among those with narcissistic parents. “They might look to others to help make decisions on things as small as where to eat and as large as buying a new house or car,” Dr. Lyall-Neal states. “This could result in lost autonomy, wherein the person relies on others to make major life decisions and experiences stress when forced to make important decisions on their own.”
Are you a perfectionist? This may be a result of narcissistic parenting. You may have engaged in “desperate attempts to gain parental approval due to the belief that success equates to worthiness, love and recognition,” and “this can lead to control issues and anxiety,” Dr. Panagakis shares.Related: People Who Were ‘Perfectionists’ in Childhood Often Develop These 7 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says
8. Struggling with the idea of unconditional love
According to Dr. Lyall-Neal, you may not be able to grasp the concept of unconditional love. “As a child of a narcissistic parent, they were never exposed to love that wasn’t tit for tat,” she says. “They had to behave a certain way or do certain things to receive praise or love.”When you’re an adult, you might find yourself trying to seek out motives in the kindness of others, friends or romantic partners. She adds that this could lead to conflict in friendships and relationships, “as others fail to realize the reasons behind the person’s constant mistrust.”
9. Health issues
Narcissistic parenting can even lead to health issues in adults. As Dr. Panagakis says, the chronic stress you’ve had in your life can produce adverse effects on your physical health in adulthood, such as chronic pain, sleep disturbances, digestive issues or cardiovascular problems. Related: 10 Red Flags Your Parent Is a Narcissist, According to Therapists
Dr. Lyall-Neal’s first recommendation is to “find a good therapist to help with uncovering the narcissistic traits” that are specific to your situation. “When a person has grown up in the home of a narcissistic parent, the behaviors they experienced are their normal, and they will need help teasing out normal behaviors from abusive behaviors,” she explains. Over time, through therapy, you may begin to build trust in your own judgement, and this can eventually help you set healthy boundaries. “It’s important to note that recovery will involve working through shame and guilt, and is not a linear process,” she states. “These adult children will need to learn how to have compassion for themselves as they heal. For some children of narcissistic parents, this process will help them discover their true self-worth for the first time, and that can be very powerful.”“Healing from a narcissistic parent takes time and effort,” Dr. Panagakis concludes. “It may not seem easy, but it’s possible to find a healthy relationship with yourself and others.”Up Next:
Related: How To Deal With a Narcissistic Parent, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Peter Panagakis, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist and the Regional Psychotherapy Director for Mindpath Health.Dr. Sarah Lyall-Neal, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist at Cleveland Clinic.Hence then, the article about 9 things children of narcissistic parents often struggle with as adults according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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