7 ‘Old-School’ Parenting Phrases Boomers Still Use That Can Come Across as Dismissive ...Saudi Arabia

Generational traits can become a hot topic. Certainly, they can lead to overgeneralizations and stereotypes, such as the idea that Millennials are "lazy avocado toast lovers" and Boomers are "stodgy." Yet, there's no denying that we can show signs of the times we grew up in, especially when it comes to parenting and grandparenting."Parenting must evolve alongside culture, societal norms and psychological developments," explainsDr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "Today, we understand more than ever that language shapes how children experience safety and connection. We must adapt and be more mindful of the words we use with children."That may be hard for Boomers, the generation born between 1946 and 1964, in the wake of World War II. Boomers were often raised to value hard work and resilience, even if it led to mental health issues, which were stigmatized. As a result, Boomers may still say some "old-school" parenting phrases that can come across as dismissive by today's standards. Dr. Saidi shares seven examples of outdated, dismissive parenting phrases that Boomers might still use. She also shares the best phrase Boomers can use to build authentic connections with their adult children and grandkids.Related: 8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say

It rolls right off a Boomer's tongue, probably because they heard it growing up and used it on their own kids."This phrase was used to establish authority, especially in households where obedience was tied to order," Dr. Saidi explains. "However, today it can feel invalidating. Younger generations value explanation because that builds trust, not defiance." 

2. "You’re fine."

Is the person on the receiving end of this phrase really "fine," though? Often, no, and Dr. Saidi says that insisting otherwise is dismissive."Boomers often used this to encourage resilience and prevent children from overreacting," she explains. "Although it is well-intentioned, it can unintentionally dismiss emotional or physical discomfort and leave children to doubt their own internal signals."Related: 8 Traits of People Who Say ‘I’m Fine’ When They’re Not, According to Psychologists

The intention gets lost in the sauce here, because this short sentence can send an adult kid or grandkid into a shame spiral."This phrase was used to encourage gratitude and perspective, especially in post-war eras or economically unstable eras," Dr. Saidi concedes. "However, emotionally, it invalidates real pain by suggesting that pain is only valid if it is the worst possible kind."Related: 8 Behaviors That Instantly Reveal Someone Has Low Emotional Intelligence, Psychologists Say

4. "Stop crying."

Crying is a natural human reaction, but Boomers often got chastised for doing so and may project that onto younger generations. "In earlier generations, emotional restraint and control were seen as maturity," Dr. Saidi says. "Children were encouraged to 'toughen up,' and crying was seen as weakness. Today, this phrase can feel shaming to children and teaches them that their emotions are not acceptable."Related: 9 Things Boomers Do That Drive Their Adult Children Away, Psychologists Reveal

Dr. Saidi notes that Boomers' parents also often used this phrase to build "emotional toughness" in a post-war era that felt unforgiving. They may have turned around and used it on their own children with memories of Vietnam at the front of their mind—and a world that arguably felt even crueler."Today, it can feel like criticism and shame," she adds.Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

6. "That’s just the way life is."

Sometimes. Maybe. But..."Boomers frequently used this phrase to normalize hardship and build acceptance," Dr. Saidi explains. "While resilience is valuable, this mindset can discourage emotional processing and problem-solving if used too often."

7. "I’ll give you something to cry about."

This one is not only outdated but completely cringe—and harmful."This phrase came from a discipline model rooted in fear and obedience," Dr. Saidi explains. "It can linger in adult children as a reminder that expressing emotions once felt unsafe."Related: 7 Common Gaslighting Phrases Boomers Use With Their Adult Children, Psychologists Say

The Best Phrase Boomers Can Use To Build Connection With Kids and Grandkids

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It's entirely possible for Boomers to grow their mindset, especially around parenting, and they can start saying new phrases to highlight their evolution. Dr. Saidi suggests saying something like, “Help me understand how you’re feeling.” "This phrase communicates curiosity and openness rather than control," she explains. "It opens dialogue, builds trust and signals emotional safety."Using it on grandkids is a way to deepen your bond, but Dr. Saidi says it may have a profound effect on adult children, in particular."It is especially powerful for adult children," she points out. "While it may not erase the past, it does create room for connection in the present."Up Next:

Related: 10 Things 'Naturally Nurturing' Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists

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