​​People Who 'Overfunctioned' as Children Probably Have These 9 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say ...Saudi Arabia

It’s fair to say that many of us would describe our adult lives as “busy.” I mean, how could they not be? We may work, go to the gym, spend time with family, engage in hobbies and much more. For some of us, this isn’t new, either: We had busy childhoods, too, bouncing from school to soccer practice to piano lessons. While being busy can feel stressful, it isn’t inherently a bad thing; in fact (and within reason), it can foster positive feelings and is even tied to better cognition.At the same time, it’s important to note that busyness can also point to something more subtle and less beneficial: overfunctioning. A habit that can start as early as childhood, it can be a sign that we’re simply doing too much. The reason behind it is often rooted in trauma or neglect. It can also lead us to neglect our needs further, which can be damaging.So, let’s discuss what overfunctioning as a child looks like, nine common traits of adults who overfunctioned as children, what exactly causes the habit, how it can affect you as an adult and how to deal. Psychologists share their expert insight on all of those pieces below.Related: People Who Were Parentified as Children Often Develop These 13 Traits as Adults

What Does It Mean to ‘Overfunction’?

“Normal” functioning can look like doing chores, abiding by a bedtime routine, doing work assignments and being timely, to name some examples. So, “overfunctioning” is doing more of that than is necessary or typical. “To overfunction is to fulfill emotional or practical responsibilities that are beyond what is appropriate or expected for a particular role or developmental level, especially to the point of experiencing negative physical or psychological consequences,” says Dr. Natalie Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist with MedStar Health.For example, children may take care of their younger siblings, manage household tasks or even provide emotional support to their parents.“We often see this in ‘parentified children,’ which is common in families where the primary parent or caregiver is not able to provide their full caregiving abilities due to mental health or other challenges, including substance use,” addsDr. Dylan Ross, PhD, an organizational psychologist and the Chief Clinical & Strategy Officer at PsychHub.Related: If You Always Feel Like the Family Peacekeeper, Psychologists Say You Might Have These 2 Main Traits

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As mentioned, overfunctioning children are typically “parentified children,” AKA children who step into the parental role. They do this because they feel they need to, according to Dr. Ross. For example, if their parent is passed out from substances or unable to get out of bed due to depression or grief, the child may be the one who has to perform the familial and household duties—or it won’t get done.What we’re looking at here, Dr. Anderson specifies, are imbalances, inappropriate expectations and excessive demands. “This may be a family system in which some members are actually underfunctioning, leading to a need for other members of the family to overfunction to create stability,” she says.That’s not necessarily the case 100 percent of the time, however. Dr. Anderson points to how families can experience traumatic experiences or chronic stressors that require all of the family to overfunction to survive. For example, a young teenager is working or taking care of their siblings because their parents have to work multiple jobs to pay bills.Related: 6 Inner Child Wounds That Affect Adult Relationships, According to a Psychologist

9 Traits of People Who ‘Overfunctioned’ in Childhood, According to Psychologists

Feeling like you’re responsible for everything—including things out of your control—is a common trait in these adults. They may “own” problems at work, for example, that aren’t theirs. This, in turn, affects their mental health.“We see this show up in ways such as chronic guilt, resentment, overapologizing or the person feeling like they have failed when something goes wrong, even though they did everything right,” Dr. Ross says. “This happens because, as children, they learned that everything depended on them and that any issue in the family was somehow their fault or their responsibility to fix.”

2. Anxious

Given the experiences that many overfunctioning kids have, it’s no wonder that anxiety is common among them.“Those who have overfunctioned are often on the lookout for anything that could go wrong and are thinking about what they can do about it,” Dr. Anderson explains. “They’ve learned this mindset is needed to maintain safety and security.”That can lead to them being in fight-or-flight mode (to varying degrees) all the time, she continues, causing chronic anxiety.

Hypervigilance is an increased sense of awareness and alertness, and it’s another big indicator. “People who overfunctioned as children often have nervous systems that are constantly scanning their social environment for problems, causing it to be difficult for them to rest, relax and be present because they're always awaiting the next crisis,” Dr. Ross says.

4. They want to feel 'in control'

A sense of control can help people feel safe and secure. “Sometimes, a sense of control is only achieved by ‘fixing’ or managing the details of both day-to-day things and larger tasks,” Dr. Anderson says.

Setting and maintaining boundaries can be difficult for many of us. In adults who overfunctioned as kids, the main boundary concern is not knowing what their boundaries are. “When a child spends a large portion of their childhood focusing on other people’s needs, they don’t get enough practice in figuring out what they actually want, need or even how they feel,” Dr. Ross explains. “This can show up in adults as people-pleasing, challenges in setting boundaries with others or a sense of performing a role instead of living authentically.”

6. Emotional suppression

Along the lines of blurred boundaries, these adults tend to suppress their emotions, thinking they can’t have feelings while being “the responsible one.” “Although considered prosocial behaviors, in excess, this role can also lead to diminishing or ignoring their own needs,” Dr. Anderson says. “Because they are used to doing so much and not getting as much emotional or practical support from others, they may have a hard time admitting when they need help.”

People who have codependent patterns typically feel like their worth and stability are deeply tied to other people—how they're doing, their feelings of worthiness and so on.“It is difficult for them to distinguish where they end and another person begins,” Dr. Ross describes. Additionally, this means they may struggle to maintain their own identity, and they may experience anxiety or emptiness when they don’t feel actively needed by another person.Related: How To Stop Being Codependent, According to a Trauma-Informed Therapist

8. Perfectionist

Overfunctioning isn’t only about doing a lot of things, but also about doing them well. “Adults who overfunctioned as children tend to have extremely high standards for themselves and a deep-rooted fear of making mistakes,” Dr. Ross says. “This is because, as a child, their worth and safety were tied to how well they performed their roles.”Dr. Anderson adds that perfectionist tendencies begin to feel normal for the overfunctioning person; anything less feels inadequate, causing feelings of insecurity.

9. High-achieving

This trait builds on perfectionism and wanting to feel in control. “Those who have overfunctioned may be seeking a felt sense of being ‘good enough’ or completely prepared for any potential negative outcome, often leading to incredibly high standards and expectations of themselves,” Dr. Anderson says.Certain successes (such as social validation, awards, getting the highest grade and extra financial security) can provide that temporarily.Related: Adopting This One Simple Phrase Can Prevent 'High Achiever Burnout,' According to Career Experts

Between perfectionism, guilt, loads of responsibility and more, it’s not surprising that adulthood isn’t easy, especially as a past overfunctioning child. But the good news is, if you’re here, you’ve already begun to heal. Identification and education are where it starts.First, Dr. Anderson says it’s important “to realize that you are, in fact, overfunctioning in at least one aspect of your life, which could be at home, in your relationships or at work.” What’s yours to take care of, and what’s not? What can be delegated?Then, realize what is and isn’t “on” you. “The first step is to recognize that overfunctioning as a child wasn’t a choice and wasn’t your fault, but rather it was a coping style in response to circumstances beyond your control,” Dr. Ross says. Further, he encourages people to identify their maladaptive coping behaviors, AKA ones that no longer serve them. A super relatable example is people-pleasing.From that point, take small steps, allowing yourself to feel the challenging feelings that arise while giving yourself love. “Most importantly, as you do this, treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would treat a good friend trying to make changes in their life,” Dr. Anderson says.Working with a therapist is another solid option—specifically, one who understands family systems and developmental trauma, Dr. Ross says—so you can address the patterns, gain insight and learn new skills. Don’t have one yet? Psychology Today has a clinician database where you can filter through providers.“This is both a very common issue and one that can be hard to overcome,” Dr. Anderson concludes. “You’re not alone.”Up Next:

Related: If You Can’t Relax When Someone Is Upset With You, a Psychotherapist Says You Probably Possess These 9 Traits

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