In recognition of the Yuletide season, here is a collection of shorter legal tales related to that topic:
• A good place to start would be another of those tax disputes on “the nature of things” (like our recent coverage of the court case that dealt with the spellbinding question whether an imported set of plastic bowls from Japan were “serving dishes” taxed at a higher import rate than “other plastic items”). This seasonal dispute dates from 1947, when a federal court of appeal had to decide whether a taxpayer was entitled to a refund of about $7,500 for the eggnog product it manufactured.
The case turned on whether eggnog was a product “unfit for beverage purposes” and “sold . . . for use other than for beverage purposes.” The trial judge found that eggnog was indeed a “food product” and “unfit for beverage purposes.” (Actually, it’s surprising that the judge didn’t find that eggnog — the fruitcake of drinks — was unfit for human consumption, too.) The court of appeal concurred that eggnog “is of thickish consistency and does not pour from the bottle but must be shaken, or spooned, out.”
Right . . . or just thrown out.
But the court of appeal disagreed that it was not intoxicating, and that it was not a beverage. This was eggnog that came pre-laced with alcohol, and it was sold primarily (at least in the 1940s) to taverns. And the appeals court also noted that it was non-intoxicating only because “sufficient amounts to cause intoxication cannot be consumed, without nausea.”
They got that part right.
• In a 1993 case from Atlanta, Thomas Crowder, a resident of a public housing facility, sued his building’s management because of restrictions placed on his planned use of the common areas of the building for Bible studies. What brought the case to court was an incident in December, 1986 when he wanted to use the building’s library for the Bible study, thereby interfering with the other tenants’ preparation for a scheduled Christmas party. When Crowder refused to leave the library and insisted on holding the Bible study then and there, he was arrested.
The federal trial court ruled in the facility’s favor. Although Crowder was later able to convince the court of appeal to overturn some of the building’s restrictions on his intended use of the common areas, it found his arrest for interfering with the Christmas party was proper.
Who says that Jesus is the reason for the season?
• Finally, like all Americans, you will undoubtedly have to watch 1983’s “A Christmas Story” multiple times over the holidays, if only because of a law that requires it to run as a continuous marathon on some television station, somewhere, throughout December. (Ironically, with the exception of the thin backbone of Ralphie’s quest for the Red Ryder BB Gun, most of the Jean Shepherd stories on which the movie is based — like the Orphan Annie decoder ring or Ralphie’s Dad getting a lamp shaped like a woman’s leg — have nothing to do with Christmas; they were simply strung together to pad out to the BB gun story.)
The climax of the movie (spoiler alert! — oh wait, everyone has seen the movie at least four or five dozen times . . . never mind) is at a Chinese restaurant, when the destruction of the Parkers’ Christmas turkey leads them to dine out on Christmas Day. This firmly established in the American consciousness that Chinese restaurants are the one place one can dine out on so revered holiday as Christmas.
Of course, some people have known this for a long time. In 2010, Elena Kagan was nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court and was being questioned by the Senate Judiciary Committee. Sen. Lindsey Graham wanted to ask her whether terrorists should be given Miranda warnings. He brought up the case of Umar Abdulmutallab, popularly known as the “underwear bomber” or the “Christmas Day bomber” because of the bomb he concealed in his underwear that detonated while he was on an airliner the previous Christmas Day.
Graham asked Kagan, “Where were you on Christmas Day?”
Referring back to the Miranda warning question, Kagan responded, “That is an undecided legal issue.”
Graham reiterated, “I just asked you where you were on Christmas?”
Kagan laughed and then replied, “You know, like all Jews, I was probably in a Chinese restaurant.”
She broke the place up. Kagan waltzed to her confirmation — while giving a simultaneous lesson in both Chinese and Jewish culture.
And informing America that she was probably seated not far from Ralphie and his family.
Frank Zotter, Jr. is a Ukiah attorney.
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