DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex keeps popping up and treating my family members like they are his family members.
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He never gave me the chance to welcome him into my life; he’d just storm his way in. Because he’s nice and would show up with gifts, a lot of my friends and loved ones mistook his visits as romantic gestures.
Now he has resurfaced. We have mutual friends, and when we see each other at local events, he still calls my family “mom” or “bro” or “sis.” It feels like he’s trying to hold his presence in my life.
How do I set a hard boundary once and for all?
— Overzealous Ex
DEAR OVERZEALOUS EX: Tell your family and loved ones that he is stalking you, even though it seems friendly. Ask them to resist welcoming him when he comes around.
Speak to him directly and tell him to back off. Your relationship is over, and you have moved on. You need him to do the same.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The company I work for is known for having a great work-life balance and an overall positive culture — that’s one of the main reasons I accepted the job in the first place. Unfortunately, I seem to have ended up with one of the few managers who doesn’t follow that philosophy.
She has a habit of coming in early and staying late, and I’ve noticed she expects me to do the same. Even if I’ve finished my tasks for the day, I feel pressured to stay just because she’s still in the office.
What’s been even more frustrating is that she often assigns me “urgent” projects or last-minute tasks during the final hour of the workday. These aren’t true emergencies; they’re things that could’ve easily been delegated earlier, but she phrases them as immediate priorities, so I can’t say no without seeming uncooperative. As a result, I’m constantly leaving late, exhausted, and feeling guilty for not speaking up.
It’s confusing because the rest of my team and other managers seem to have healthy boundaries and flexible schedules; it’s just my boss who seems to live at the office, and she expects me to match her pace.
I’m worried that if I push back, she’ll think I’m not dedicated enough, but I don’t want to burn out or let this define my experience at a company I otherwise love.
— Off Balance
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Dear Abby: Should I tell my friend how she comes across at our office? Asking Eric: She gave me a ridiculous excuse for how the rings got in her purse Dear Abby: I teach at my future stepdaughters’ school, and things are getting complicated Asking Eric: I’m not going to tell a total stranger my plans for the day Harriette Cole: My roommate jokes about my hobby, and now I’m embarrassedDEAR OFF BALANCE: Before saying anything, do some research. Are there any opportunities in other departments at your company? You may not be able to change your boss’s rhythm, but since you love the company, find out if there might be a better fit for you within it.
You can also speak to your boss. Tell her how much you want to do a great job, but you are struggling. Admit that you may not have the stamina to do the constant late nights and early mornings. Ask if she can attempt to give you your assignments in advance so that you can manage your time more efficiently.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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