Harriette Cole: I paid her to cat-sit and came home to a disaster ...Middle East

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was headed out of town for a few days, so I asked a trusted friend to house-sit for me.

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In the past, when I had only one cat, I’d take him to my mom’s until I got back, but now that I have two, I thought it might be easier to leave them in their home and have someone come over and be with them until I returned.

I asked my friend who is familiar with both of my cats, and I insisted on paying for her help. Upon my return from vacation, I found my cats’ water bowls completely dry and their litter boxes out of control — so much so that they’d had to handle their business in other places in my home — and my garbage was at capacity.

If I had known my friend wasn’t going to care for my cats, I could have just left them home alone. I wouldn’t have paid someone to be there and do nothing.

How do I address this with my friend?

— The House Sitter

DEAR THE HOUSE SITTER: If you haven’t paid your friend yet, don’t. You made a business transaction with her, and she failed to hold up her end of the bargain — to the detriment of your cats and your home.

Tell your friend how shocked you were to come home and see the neglect and disarray that she left. If she wasn’t going to do it, she should not have agreed in the first place.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a year ago, my daughter asked if I might hire her boyfriend, who has taken a nontraditional route after high school. Instead of pursuing college, he decided to explore a trade.

He’s a bright kid and a fast learner, so she thought it might work if he were my apprentice.

I specialize in bathroom restoration, mainly for large corporate offices; even an apprentice is paid quite well.

Despite his success, I fear that his nontraditional decisions are influencing her. She took a gap year after high school, and now that she is in college, she continues to find reasons to want to leave. She thinks because her boyfriend is doing fine without a degree, she can do the same.

My daughter and her boyfriend are still young. I don’t want to tell her what to do, but I don’t want her following a young man’s lead without a plan of her own. College may not be for everyone, but every adult needs a plan and some goals for their life.

How can I knock some sense into her?

— Off the Beaten Path

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DEAR OFF THE BEATEN PATH: Gently encourage your daughter to focus her lens on herself. Has she dreamed about anything that she wants to do with her life? What are some possibilities that she has considered for herself? If she has declared a major, encourage her to talk to an adviser at her college to learn about career trajectories in that field. Perhaps she can secure an internship to expose her to work options.

It’s never a great idea to compare yourself to others, especially a boyfriend, but be careful as her dad not to get between them. Just keep helping her proactively figure out what she wants in her life and go for that.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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