DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a quadriplegic patient in my hospital unit. Because she can’t buzz for assistance, I like to bring some of her pantry needs at the beginning of my shift so that she’s not waiting around when she’s in need. She is always grateful when I do.
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This is a patient who cannot even pick up her own juice box when we bring it to her. I told my co-worker that I do not intend to stop being kind to this patient just to make his job easier.
He has not spoken to me since that conversation and apparently does not communicate much with the patient either. When necessary, he goes to her room to check her vitals but turns his back before she gets a chance to ask anything of him. It’s selfish and unprofessional.
What should I do about this?
— Doing My Job
DEAR DOING MY JOB: Speak to your supervisor and describe the situation, including what you have done to provide some basic comfort to the patient in question. Explain that your co-worker has taken issue with your extra help, that he seems to be neglecting the patient, and that you thought the supervisor should know.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a heated argument with my dad, and it’s been bothering me ever since.
The fight started when I told him I wanted to move to a different city for a job opportunity. He criticized my decision, saying I was being reckless and that I should stay closer to home where things are “safe” and familiar.
I tried to explain why this move was important for my career and independence, but he kept bringing up past choices he didn’t agree with, like leaving my old job and choosing a career path he hadn’t expected. Before I knew it, I was yelling back, telling him that I need to make my own decisions and that his constant criticism feels controlling.
We haven’t spoken in a few days, and I feel a mix of frustration, guilt and sadness.
I love my dad and value his opinion, but I feel like he doesn’t trust me to make my own choices. I want to reach out and repair our relationship, but I don’t want to be the only one apologizing if he doesn’t acknowledge his role in the argument.
How do I approach him in a way that expresses my feelings honestly while also opening the door for reconciliation? Is it possible to set boundaries and stand firm on my decisions without damaging our relationship further?
— Dad Divide
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Dear Abby: My daughter opened the package of family photos, and now we’re not speaking Asking Eric: My daughter’s ex lives in my basement, and I have a decision to make Harriette Cole: I was hurt by her emoji response to my heartfelt message Miss Manners: My so-called friends said I need to get over my grief Dear Abby: My husband’s family treats our house as their own, in a bad wayDEAR DAD DIVIDE: What you need to understand is that your father’s motivation is to protect you. What he needs to understand is that you are at the stage in your life where you need to make your own decisions.
Reach out to him and set a time to talk face to face. Acknowledge that you know he just wants the best for you and you appreciate that, but you need him to understand that you have to make decisions for yourself. Add that you would love it if he would support you even when you make mistakes.
Don’t expect an apology. Hope for a bit of a change in behavior — an effort to give you space.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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