Is there a sadder phrase in the English language than “booze-free work drinks”? Being forced to spend time with people you’re usually paid to talk to, only this time for free, already feels like a step in the wrong direction. But having to do it without the compensation of a free glass of wine? Unthinkable.
And yet it’s apparently the direction of change, because a new report from the Institute of Public Policy Research (IPPR) suggests that work drinks are making us less productive and worse at our jobs, and warns that “alcohol poses a significant threat to the UK’s economic performance”. The solution? Alcohol-free events and alcohol harm training from HR.
The report goes on to advise: “This harm is especially concerning in the public sector, where taxpayers foot the bill for avoidable costs. Addressing alcohol-related productivity losses is not solely a matter of public health, but also a strategic imperative for economic growth and productivity in both the public and private sectors.”
I’m rolling my eyes so hard that I’m liable to lose a contact lens. A whole study, just to tell us that getting a bit pissed with your co-workers means that you’re less on it the next morning? Really?
Obviously work drinks make us worse at our jobs. Drinking makes you worse at pretty much everything, other than dancing, talking about yourself and, in my case, performing songs from Hamilton.
Clearly, there are good reasons to tone it down. Workmates who don’t drink, whether for their religion, health or for any other reason, will welcome the idea. But the IPPR research seems to work from the standing assumption that being “less productive” is inherently a bad thing, and I’m just not convinced that that’s true.
Personally I’ve never looked at someone who celebrates their productivity – especially not the sort of berk who makes social media content about “habit stacking” and “productivity maxxing” – and felt anything other than disdain.
For decades we managed to have a perfectly serviceable economy off the backs of people just doing the work required of them, while also keeping up a nice chat about weekend plans, celebrity weddings and what you want for lunch. Coming into the office on a Friday morning with a Diet Coke, a bacon sandwich and popping two paracetamol at your desk, while remaining very quiet in a meeting for which you’re under-prepared, has been a British rite of passage for decades, and it is one I will defend with my life.
This report also seems to have forgotten that team drinks are an institution for a reason. They’re a place where employees can bond, laugh, swap stories and become actual friends. A working relationship is dramatically easier when you see the people around you as human rather than fellow inmates.
One of the most expensive aspects of running a business is recruitment, which is why employers tend to care so much about hanging onto staff. And while trendy companies might throw all sorts of mad benefits at you, in my observation the major reason people stay in a job is because they like the people with whom they are working. Team drinks help achieve that.
Or, just as usefully, they help you really dislike someone, while offering opportunities to form an alliance against them with various other members of the office.
Another concern is that work drinks enable unprofessional conduct. And yes, the study’s finding that one in five respondents linked drinking to a greater risk of sexual harassment, bullying or intimidation is not acceptable.
Yet the less serious side-effects of work drinks, none of which are strictly “professional” if you’re going to be all HR about it – bitchy conversations and gossip – are a useful and natural safety valve when you’re around the same people all the time. The people you work with are the people you spend the largest portion of your waking hours with, and trying to suspend meaningful human behaviour between those people so that you can “get more done” is a fruitless task.
So yes, the report is, broadly speaking, right. Team drinks don’t make you sharper in morning meetings, and work socials with a bottle of rose in the sun aren’t necessarily the ones where the best strategy ideas are developed. But that doesn’t for a moment mean that after-work drinking is a bad thing.
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