The Bank of Mum and Dad (or BOMAD, to give it an HSBC-style acronym) is going international. From the UK and Ireland to Australia, the controversial financial institution has been doling out cash and distorting property markets all over the English-speaking world.
In the UK, Savills estimates that slightly more than half of all first-time buyers purchase their homes with external help, receiving an average of £55,572 in gifts and loans from their parents. Irish mortgage broker Doddl.ie recently revealed a third of its clients are the beneficiaries of a parental influx of cash – with a further 15 percent of those welcoming a gift of €100,000 and over. Even our Antipodean cousins aren’t immune to the charms of this bank – almost 80 per cent of Aussies clawed their way onto the property ladder last year with the help of mum and dad.
BOMAD is commonly seen as one of the most attractive lenders in the market. Reliable, flush with cash, and happy to hand over enough for a modest two-bed – and able to brew a mean cup of tea, do your laundry and give you a hug to boot. Who wouldn’t want to borrow from the kindest bank on the high street? With benefits like these, most of us would be queuing up around the block.
Of course, it’s all too easy to hate on these first-time buyers if you don’t meet the eligibility requirements of this particular financier. Trawl through social media and you’ll find struggling renters and solo buyers bemoaning their lack of access to the most generous lender on the market.
“I’m proud to have done it all on my own – I have a single mother,” one homeowner sighed of their struggle to buy a flat compared to their more well-off social circle. “But honestly, I feel like shit. How can I not? Any advice?” One Reddit user suggested: “Find new friends.”
Newspapers are awash with stories of such rightfully resentful mates. These make for easy reading, particularly if you’re at the sharp end of the dog-eat-dog housing market – who doesn’t love to stick the boot into your guiltily monied and happily housed friends? But less explored is the Bank of Mum and Dad itself. What propels someone to agree to hand over thousands – even hundreds of thousands – of pounds, sometimes long after they’ve retired and stopped earning themselves? And what exactly is the small print on that deal?
The assumption, of course, is that parents do this out of sheer selflessness and love. That’s all very nice and good, but come on – we’ve all watched Succession. Familial bonds, especially when they come wrapped around a financial cushion, tend to do strange things to people.
It exposes all kinds of biases and prejudices, particularly if there are multiple children. Take the fact that the Bank of Mum and Dad favours sons over daughters – one Zoopla survey in 2024 found that men are, on average, given £13,000 more than women. One mortgage adviser speculated that this was because parents “would quite like them ‘out of the house’… Girls seem to be much more independent and want to live away from home”. In other words, daughters are punished by parents for being seen as more self-sufficient and capable. That kind of sexism would get any normal bank hauled into court.
Becoming a parent also doesn’t automatically purge you of your own anxieties, fears or hang-ups about money and those who might be out to get it. One money reporter at the The Telegraph reports that the newspaper is “inundated with emails from parents who want to give away their money – but also keep it”.
The more financially literate parents create loan agreements or set up trusts that are dictated by how well their children meet strict terms and conditions. Legal firms are now seeing a rise in the number of disputes where parents are trying to recoup their BOMAD loans from their child’s ex. Imagine how humiliating that must feel.
square WILL GORE The Bank of Mum and Dad is handing out huge sums - and I can't keep up
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Even the rise in pre-nups is reportedly fuelled by overzealous parents – not exactly the nicest way to introduce yourself to your prospective son or daughter-in-law (“hello, so glad you found love with our child – now please sign this legal document so the house remains theirs in the divorce”).
There are countless Reddit horror stories of parents interfering in their grown-up children’s lives thanks to the apparent licence granted by a cash gift. “The mother has a set of keys and just randomly enters the house and does weird shit like buys a new quilt cover and changes it while they are at work,” one user reported of a friend’s property. Another complains that a father is now weighing in on everything from home decor to location.
You might be thinking at this point: “Boo-hoo, play the world’s tiniest violin.” Most renters would gratefully put up with any amount of parental meddling if it meant never fattening the pockets of another landlord again. And I’m not trying to smear all parents as patriarchal, Logan Roy-esque schemers, either.
But, for an increasing number of people, buying their first property comes with strings attached – and many of those will be pulled by mum and dad, years after they’ve ostensibly left home.
Zing Tsjeng is a journalist, non-fiction author, and podcaster
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