DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have visited a dear friend a few times over the years, and each time, I am greeted with a lovely guest room: comfortable bedding, fresh flowers and fluffy towels, all of which made my stay extra special.
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Now I don’t know what to do when (or if) I visit her again. Pack my own bedding and towels?
It seems odd that a guest would not want to enjoy the trouble that the host obviously went to, but perhaps I have been mistaken.
GENTLE READER: You don’t have bedbugs, do you?
Presuming that there is no such danger from which your friend has to protect herself, her actions have informed you that your hospitality is not good enough for her.
Oh, Miss Manners realizes that was not your friend’s intention. She is one of those people who says, “I just don’t want to be any trouble,” and therefore creates not only unnecessary trouble, but bad feelings as well.
Should you still want to accept her invitations, you should ask whether you should bring your own things — and if not, ask why she did.
Tell her that you had taken pleasure in providing accommodations that you thought she would enjoy, and were disappointed to find that she did not consider them adequate.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been the same weight my whole adult life, and I am very uncomfortable with comments about my body.
I have several relatives who like to say “You’ve lost weight!” when I see them at holidays.
This seems rude to me. Nobody would ever exclaim, “My, you’ve gained weight!” So why do they think it’s OK to make the opposite observation? (Never mind that they are incorrect, and my weight hasn’t changed in 40 years!)
Is there a way to politely respond to this comment and suggest they stop saying it?
GENTLE READER: Really? You think nobody would ever insult anyone about gaining weight? So-called fat shaming is practically a national sport. Ask anyone who is not super-thin.
But you are right that there is some difference in the matter of losing weight. Unless a loss is so dramatic that your relatives are worried about your health, they probably believe that this is some sort of compliment.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel unwell when I hear graphic descriptions of medical and dental problems. Is there a polite way to stop these stories from being told before they cross the line for me? This has been quite a challenge for me over the years.
GENTLE READER: If you blurt out, “Sorry — I’m terribly squeamish!” and then clap your hand over your mouth, Miss Manners believes that the subject will be changed in a hurry.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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