Allow me to put you on to a little hack that might save your sex life: the "fuck first" rule. As the name implies, instead of reserving sex for the end of a date, you make time for it before - before the cocktails, before the meaty pasta dishes, and before you may or may not have to take a Tums because your stomach hurts.
Even though couples love to obsess over how often they have sex, the real issue might be when they're trying to have it. And let's be honest, as sexy as post-dinner cunnilingus sounds, sleep almost always wins - and that's not just a theory.
We anonymously polled PS followers on Instagram to see how most of their date nights end, and the results weren't too far off. Of the 2,134 respondents:
49 percent said they prefer to end date night by cuddling up and passing out. 24 percent admitted they basically fall asleep before even making it home (relatable). 27 percent of respondents said sex first, then sleep.To the latter 27 percent of you, we're happy that your libido can carry you through date night. But to the other 73 percent of you, don't lose hope until you try the fuck first rule.
Experts Featured in This Article
Nicole Moore is a relationship therapist and founder of the Love Works Method, a program that has helped people find lasting love, fast.
What Is the Fuck First Rule?
The fuck first rule recommends you have sex with your partner before an activity instead of after. "It's a rule designed to prioritize physical intimacy and make sure that couples get it in without getting distracted by other priorities," relationship expert Nicole Moore says. This could look like morning sex the day of your plans, a quickie right before you call the Uber, an afternoon romp before you start your makeup, or literally whenever it works for you.
Why the Fuck First Rule Works
The intention of the fuck first rule is to have sex on your own terms, perhaps when you're feeling horny and energized during the day rather than when you're tired or full after dinner or a night out. "Following the fuck first rule helps maintain a healthy relationship by prioritizing the intimate connection," Moore says. "It's all too easy for sex to fall to the back burner in relationships, and the fuck first rule is really about saying, 'We are going to make time for sex first so other things don't get in the way of intimacy.'"
Plus, I think we can all agree that trying to have sex when you're bloated from a big dinner isn't exactly an orgasm enhancer. With the fuck first rule, you don't have to worry about what you eat, what you drink, or how you feel.
Of course, there are also benefits to having sex. With the fuck first rule, not only are you more likely to have sex in the first place, but you'll feel super connected with your partner before date night. "You're both likely to be more relaxed and in a better mood on your date if you've had sex first," Moore adds.
How to Bring the Fuck First Rule Into Your Relationship
It's simple: if you want to start having sex before your date nights, start initiating sex up front. "Then, while on date night, you can share with your partner why you loved having sex before the date, and suggest that the two of you make it a regular practice," Moore suggests. (Having trouble initiating sex? It could be worth exploring your "initiation type.")
At the end of the day, you're more likely to have sex when it's most convenient for you and your partner. And if you do enjoy having sex after your plans, that's great. But if you don't want to worry about it or think of sex as something you have to cross off your to-do list, communicate with your partner that you'd like to prioritize it beforehand. As Moore says, "Sex is way better when you're actually in the mood - and when you've created the right conditions for the best mood to happen."
Related: How My Husband and I Stay Intimate While Living Completely Apart Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan. Read More Details
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