Those are real, valid experiences you might be familiar with—but can always stepping in to help actually hurt their development?
At the same time, helping too much, and/or for too long, is real, occupational therapists warn. It can lead to various consequences, such as learned helplessness in children, low confidence and self-esteem, motor delays and more.
Related: The #1 Mistake Parents and Grandparents Should Avoid Making With Their Kids, According to a Psychologist
“I encourage families to gradually give children more opportunities to participate in dressing as they're developmentally ready,” says Sydney Bennett, MS, OTR/L, a pediatric occupational therapist and co-founder of BabyFIT Providers.
“One of the hallmark phrases in occupational therapy is that we help someone more when we help them less,” shares Dr. Beverly H. Moskowitz, DOT, MS, OTR/L, FAOTA, pediatric occupational therapist and CEO of Real OT Solutions. “In other words, letting kids stumble, fall, scrape themselves off and start again is a significantly better learning experience than when adults plan, problem-solve and execute the task for them.”
The Developmental Cost: Motor Planning and ‘Learned Helplessness’
“It’s an everyday opportunity to develop skills such as motor planning, coordination, balance, body awareness, bilateral coordination, fine motor skills, visual perception, sequencing, cognition, sensory processing and independence,” Bennett says.
“Regarding motor planning skills, first allow them to fumble and experiment,” Dr. Moskowitz advises. “Figuring out a new motor skill, like fastenings, right-side-outing a shirt or donning pants, is a complex interplay of motor, sensory, cognitive and perceptual skills.”
“Even if they are not properly matched, oriented or sequenced, [this] promotes feelings of completion and confidence,” she explains.
“This pattern can contribute to learned helplessness, where children become less likely to try challenging tasks because they don’t yet believe they're capable of succeeding,” Bennett states.
Related: Parents and Grandparents Who Raise Independent Kids Often Do These 6 Things, According to a Child Psychologist
The guide can also help if you’re wondering how to teach kids to put on coats and shoes, as it provides steps and explains “the Montessori coat flip trick.”
UndressPut clothes in the hamperPull off socksPut shoes in the closetRaise their arms above their heads in readiness for their shirt to be put onOffer one foot at a time when parents are putting on shoesUnzip jacketsPut on simple clothes with assistance 3 to 4 years
Pull up pantsPut pants on (though they might be backwards)Pull down a shirt after it’s placed over their headInsert feet into shoes (though they may be on the wrong feet)Unsnap clothesButton larger buttons (this is one of many fine motor skills activities for toddlers)Put on socks and shoes without lacesZip a jacket after an adult has started the zipper
Note: Struggling to zip a zipper or button a button can be signs of fine motor delay in preschoolers.
Pick out clothes each dayPull pants on all the way (especially pants with elastic waistbands)Put on jackets using the overhead technique (this is the Montessori coat flip trick, in which kids lay the jacket upside down, put their arms in, then flip the coat onto their backs.)ZipperUndo fastenings like buttons, snaps and bucklesPractice tying their shoes
5 Genius OT Tricks To Make Independent Dressing Faster
Since one reason you might want to dress your child is to keep things moving in the morning, occupational therapists share tips on making the process quicker for kids.
1. Create pictorial sequence lists
When you're selecting your child’s outfit for the day, lay it out flat and ensure the backs of the clothes are face up. “
3. Teach the sequence for putting on a shirt
Bennett encourages teaching them these steps:
Put your head through first (you can help with this step by placing the shirt over their head).Pull the shirt down.Find one sleeve at a time.Pull one arm out at a time.Lift the shirt over your head.
Sticking with this step-by-step guide is helpful for another reason, too.
Reduce the balance challenge by asking kids to sit down first.
5. Have them practice when they aren’t busy
When you’re in a rush, it makes even more sense why you’d want to dress your child or speed up the process. So, when you’re not in those moments, have your child practice so they're better prepared.
Related: The Genius Trick for Easier Mornings With Kids: ‘It Changes Everything’
“Guide the grandparents to ask questions instead of making assumptions,” she suggests. “Remind them that the task is the child’s to complete. Their job is to enjoy the process.”
What do you want to wear today?Would you prefer this top or that top?Do you want to show me how you dress yourself?
Then, she encourages the grandparent to provide genuine and specific accolades, such as “I love how…”
…you matched your socks with your pants.”…you buttoned the shirt yourself.”…you figured out how to turn the pants around when you discovered they went on backwards.”“I encourage parents to invite grandparents to be part of the learning process instead of asking them to step back completely,” she says. “Rather than saying, ‘Don’t help them get dressed,’ try giving one specific goal to focus on.”
“Focusing on one skill keeps expectations realistic, allows grandparents (and children) to celebrate the child’s progress and creates consistency across caregivers without making anyone feel criticized,” she explains. “These small amounts of practice may seem simple, but over time, they build confidence, independence and lifelong skills.”
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What Actually Motivates Kids—They All Said the Same Thing
Sources:
Sydney Bennett, MS, OTR/L, is a pediatric occupational therapist and co-founder of BabyFIT Providers.Dr. Beverly H. Moskowitz, DOT, MS, OTR/L, FAOTA, is a pediatric occupational therapist and CEO of Real OT Solutions.Hence then, the article about occupational therapists say parents and grandparents often help too much with this daily task was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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