You may also feel rushed to get your kids asleep. Maybe they aren’t getting ready like you asked. Or it’s late. Maybe you need time alone or want to spend it with your partner. Or you might know how grumpy they’ll be if they don’t fall asleep within the next 10 minutes. This is all to say that if you rush bedtime, you’re not alone, and the habit is an understandable one.
Want to know more? Keep reading for explanations from child psychologists and child psychology bedtime tips, including the most important part of bedtime that parents often rush.
“Bedtime” for kids can be a whole ordeal. You might offer to let them play “for just two more minutes.” You might have to push them to brush their teeth. The part that many parents rush—and that psychologists are begging you not to—is the “bedtime chat” right before lights out. But why, when sleeping is so important?
“When parents treat bedtime like a sprint, it causes an equal but opposite reaction in kids,” Dr. Carla Allan, PhD, the Division Chief of Psychology at Phoenix Children’s, tells Parade. “Our push to speed up triggers their push to slow down, increasing stalling behaviors as they desperately try to regain control.”
“By slowing down, putting aside distractions and being present, parents create a regulated environment where children feel safe enough to share their thoughts,” explains Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, EdD, a psychologist and the author of The Dysregulated Kid.
The Psychology of ‘Bedtime Stalling’: Why It’s Actually a Cry for Connection
Wondering why kids stall at bedtime? Get this: It’s how they ask for connection, not an act of defiance.
Dr. Capanna-Hodge agrees that kids are rarely trying to manipulate. They may need to regulate after a lot of sensory, social and emotional input from the day.
Related: 7 Things a Trauma-Informed Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Doing ASAP
Spend five minutes interacting with your child. You could read them a nightly story, do some breathwork or reflect about their day.
2. Prioritize early evening “special time” and specific praise
Since nighttime can be hard for kids, spend some of the evening connecting with them—even 10 to 15 minutes.
She encourages adding specific praise and compliments, too. Saying something like, “I love how you used your walking feet down the hallway,” for example, can create more positive conditions for bedtime.
“Doing small tasks together, such as folding laundry, prepping a meal or walking the dog, lets conversation happen naturally,” Dr. Capanna-Hodge states. “Being physically close without the pressure of face-to-face engagement encourages children to open up and practice co-regulation.”
4. Create a meaningful morning routine
“These small moments lay the foundation for a strong parent-child relationship while simultaneously supporting a regular morning wake time,” Dr. Capanna-Hodge explains.
“Even brief, consistent moments like this create long-term capacity for emotional regulation and strengthen connection,” she adds.
6. Build calm, low-stimulation connection into the bedtime routine
“Consistent, quiet bedtime routines signal safety and security and help your child comfortably self-soothe and drift off to sleep,” Dr. Allan explains.
Manipulation vs. Emotional Need: How To Tell the Difference
If it seems to be a behavioral concern that needs addressing, she encourages setting limits with a “bedtime pass.”
One way to tell the difference is by assessing their nervous system. Signs of an unregulated nervous system, according to Dr. Capanna-Hodge, include appearing overstimulated, fidgeting, pacing, repetitive requests and sudden shifts in energy.
Related: 9 Things ‘Slow-Living’ Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists
“Sleep is a biological process, and you cannot force a child to fall asleep; you can only create the conditions for it to happen,” Dr. Allan explains. “When a bedtime routine is chaotic or rushed, it invites a power struggle that interferes with winding down.”
The “bedtime chat” doesn’t have to be super deep or long, for what it’s worth. In reality, Dr. Allan says it’s about “establishing a brief, highly predictable routine that reduces friction.” That predictability and feeling of control help them “let go” and transition to sleep. Then, they can more easily and quickly catch those zzzs… and you can, too.
Related: Psychologist Warns: 9 Common Phrases Children Say That Parents Often Misunderstand
Sources:
Dr. Carla Allan, PhD, is the Division Chief of Psychology at Phoenix Children's.Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, Ed.D., is a psychologist and the author of The Dysregulated Kid.Hence then, the article about parents often rush this part of bedtime but child psychologists say it s the most important was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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