But let's back up and define what we mean by "gaslighting.""Gaslighting is when a person intentionally manipulates another person to the point where that person questions their own beliefs, reality, judgment and memories," Dr. Melissa Geraghty, Psy.D., CEO of Phoenix Rising with Dr. G and a medical gaslighting sensitive trainer, tells Parade. "It is a form of emotional abuse."Why the growing interest in a term once reserved for therapy rooms?"[For] one, during the years of COVID, many people were able to step back and realize the toxicity of their workplace and are no longer willing to accept the mental health impact of toxic work cultures and toxic bosses," says Dr. Geraghty.But what about self-gaslighting, specifically? This term has consistently been trending on social media in recent years. Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony-winning actress Viola Davis even shared a viral post on it back in 2023. , originally shared by Real Depression Project, a company that makes journals to help combat depression, walked people through what it means and how to spot it."Comment below: How else may someone gaslight themselves? Which points can you relate to the most?" Davis captioned her post, with hundreds of replies.We asked experts similar questions, as well as the most common signs of self-gaslighting to look out for and how people can learn to stop this harmful behavior.Related: 35 Common Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships
Related: People Who Gaslight Without Realizing It Often Rely on These 9 Habitual Phrases
Why Would Someone Self-Gaslight?
Related: 9 Subtle Signs of Gaslighting That Are Often Easy to Miss, According to Psychologists
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Common thoughts or phrases might include:
"I don’t know if I remember how that happened. Trust someone else instead, not me.”“I remember it happening this way, but if you’re saying it didn’t, then I must be misremembering.”4 Other Common Self-Gaslighting Signs and Examples
Self-gaslighting can take many forms, though it's essentially beating yourself up for things that aren't your fault. Goldman shares several examples:
“If I were more attentive to my partner, maybe they wouldn’t have cheated on me."“I feel like I’m responsible even though I wasn’t here at the time.”
"These examples lead you to internalize things as your fault, and you are creating a chronic state of being blamed for things and treating yourself poorly without just cause," Goldman says.
2. You tell yourself that things really aren’t *that* bad
This form of self-gaslighting is so common—and concerning."Chronic invalidation is harmful," Dr. Goldman says.Examples include:
“Yeah, what happened was bad, but it wasn’t that bad. I know people who have it way worse."“I was in pain, but it’s not that big of a deal. Everyone has stuff going on these days.”Related: 10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry' as a Reflex, According to a Therapist
“I’m so stupid compared to everyone else here. They’re all so much better than me.”“I’m not nearly as attractive as they are.”
"Negative self-talk can be exceptionally harmful to thoughts about self and impacts the way we feel about our worth, our lovability [and] our competence," says Dr. Goldman.
4. You invalidate your emotional experiences or believe you feel “too much”
“I’m too sensitive, and I shouldn’t cry as much.”“I reacted in a way that was not appropriate for the situation.”
"This tells you that you are always wrong—that there is something about your experiences that is misaligned with how it 'should be,'" says Dr. Goldman. "The reinforcement of this over time has negative impacts."
Try affirmations. "Affirmations are a previously generated positive thought that you have prepared for when you need it," says Dr. Goldman. "You should repeat the affirmation when a negative thought crosses your mind."
"This is racism/ableism/sexism. I have been conditioned by society to minimize my feelings around this. However, my feelings are valid.""I can’t control my feelings and thoughts, but I can control my behavior. What do I need to do right now for self-care?"
Related: ‘I Swapped Doomscrolling for Daily Affirmations—Here’s What Actually Changed in 7 Days’
Dr. Goldman adds some of her favorites:
“I am good at helping other people.""I matter.""I am enough.""I believe in myself.""My emotions are mine and no one else’s.”Up Next:
Related: 13 Red Flags of Gaslighting at Work and How to Respond, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Melissa Geraghty, Psy.D., CEO of Phoenix Rising with Dr. G and a medical gaslighting sensitive trainerMichele Goldman, Psy.D, a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorHence then, the article about this self gaslighting sign is especially problematic according to a psychologist was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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