It seems like only yesterday that "gaslighting" seeped into our lexicons, but it's not the only mental health term that has become part of our everyday language. "Self-gaslighting" is another term that's been more frequently used, and it's been an eye-opener for many individuals who have internalized shame, critiques and invalidation.
But let's back up and define what we mean by "gaslighting.""Gaslighting is when a person intentionally manipulates another person to the point where that person questions their own beliefs, reality, judgment and memories," Dr. Melissa Geraghty, Psy.D., CEO of Phoenix Rising with Dr. G and a medical gaslighting sensitive trainer, tells Parade. "It is a form of emotional abuse."Why the growing interest in a term once reserved for therapy rooms?"[For] one, during the years of COVID, many people were able to step back and realize the toxicity of their workplace and are no longer willing to accept the mental health impact of toxic work cultures and toxic bosses," says Dr. Geraghty.But what about self-gaslighting, specifically? This term has consistently been trending on social media in recent years. Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony-winning actress Viola Davis even shared a viral post on it back in 2023. , originally shared by Real Depression Project, a company that makes journals to help combat depression, walked people through what it means and how to spot it."Comment below: How else may someone gaslight themselves? Which points can you relate to the most?" Davis captioned her post, with hundreds of replies.We asked experts similar questions, as well as the most common signs of self-gaslighting to look out for and how people can learn to stop this harmful behavior.Related: 35 Common Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships
As the name implies, self-gaslighting is gaslighting yourself. "Self-gaslighting is when a person has been so impacted by their environment and other people gaslighting them that they turn this abuse on to themselves," says Dr. Geraghty.
Related: People Who Gaslight Without Realizing It Often Rely on These 9 Habitual Phrases
Why Would Someone Self-Gaslight?
Abuse is a harsh word for something self-inflicted. But experts share that self-gaslighting is often the result of years of being gaslit by others. "When this is the case, the person self-gaslighting might not even recognize they are engaging in this process," says Michele Goldman, Psy.D, a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.It's because gaslighting has become their normal after years of emotional abuse."Self-gaslighting is more common in individuals who grew up in invalidating homes," Dr. Goldman tells Parade. "If we are familiar with being invalidated, this results in dismissing our own experiences. It is important to work on decreasing self-gaslighting because the long-term effects might result in anxiety, depression, low self-worth, harmful relationships and more." Dr. Geraghty agrees."You are your own best advocate," she says. "If you begin to doubt yourself and not assertively stand up for your boundaries and worth, you may sink into a cycle of feelings of unworthiness that may lead to increased depression and anxiety."
Related: 9 Subtle Signs of Gaslighting That Are Often Easy to Miss, According to Psychologists
Igor Ustynskyy/Getty Images
One major thing to look out for? Doubting your own recollection of events and/or memories."Questioning your own memories is problematic because, over time, it leads to people questioning your own reality," Dr. Goldman tells Parade. "You don’t know what’s real or fake. You start second-guessing yourself and your thoughts [and] perceptions."
Common thoughts or phrases might include:
"I don’t know if I remember how that happened. Trust someone else instead, not me.”“I remember it happening this way, but if you’re saying it didn’t, then I must be misremembering.”Related: Psychologists Are Begging Families to Recognize the Most Common Form of Gaslighting—Plus, Here's Exactly How To Respond
4 Other Common Self-Gaslighting Signs and Examples
Self-gaslighting can take many forms, though it's essentially beating yourself up for things that aren't your fault. Goldman shares several examples:
This may sound like:
“If I were more attentive to my partner, maybe they wouldn’t have cheated on me."“I feel like I’m responsible even though I wasn’t here at the time.”"These examples lead you to internalize things as your fault, and you are creating a chronic state of being blamed for things and treating yourself poorly without just cause," Goldman says.
Related: 11 Common Blame Tactics People Use Without Even Realizing It, Psychologists Say
2. You tell yourself that things really aren’t *that* bad
This form of self-gaslighting is so common—and concerning."Chronic invalidation is harmful," Dr. Goldman says.Examples include:
“Yeah, what happened was bad, but it wasn’t that bad. I know people who have it way worse."“I was in pain, but it’s not that big of a deal. Everyone has stuff going on these days.”"Your experiences might have been bad," says Dr. Goldman. "And yes, the experiences of other people might also be bad. Their experiences do not negate your experiences."
Related: 10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry' as a Reflex, According to a Therapist
You have the leading role in your life. And the script is consistently dark. Your most common lines may be:
“I’m so stupid compared to everyone else here. They’re all so much better than me.”“I’m not nearly as attractive as they are.”"Negative self-talk can be exceptionally harmful to thoughts about self and impacts the way we feel about our worth, our lovability [and] our competence," says Dr. Goldman.
4. You invalidate your emotional experiences or believe you feel “too much”
Frequently telling yourself you're overreacting is another form of self-gaslighting. For example:
“I’m too sensitive, and I shouldn’t cry as much.”“I reacted in a way that was not appropriate for the situation.”"This tells you that you are always wrong—that there is something about your experiences that is misaligned with how it 'should be,'" says Dr. Goldman. "The reinforcement of this over time has negative impacts."
Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
Try affirmations. "Affirmations are a previously generated positive thought that you have prepared for when you need it," says Dr. Goldman. "You should repeat the affirmation when a negative thought crosses your mind."
Related: Here's Exactly What To Do When Someone Gaslights You, According to a Psychologist
"This is racism/ableism/sexism. I have been conditioned by society to minimize my feelings around this. However, my feelings are valid.""I can’t control my feelings and thoughts, but I can control my behavior. What do I need to do right now for self-care?"
Related: ‘I Swapped Doomscrolling for Daily Affirmations—Here’s What Actually Changed in 7 Days’
Dr. Goldman adds some of her favorites:
“I am good at helping other people.""I matter.""I am enough.""I believe in myself.""My emotions are mine and no one else’s.”If affirmations aren't helping, more help is available. "In my professional experience, when a person is gaslit, it has often occurred many times over many years, and then they turn that on to themselves and self-gaslight," says Dr. Geraghty. "This is trauma that should be processed with a psychologist or other mental health professional."
Up Next:
Related: 13 Red Flags of Gaslighting at Work and How to Respond, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Melissa Geraghty, Psy.D., CEO of Phoenix Rising with Dr. G and a medical gaslighting sensitive trainerMichele Goldman, Psy.D, a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorHence then, the article about this self gaslighting sign is especially problematic according to a psychologist was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( This Self-Gaslighting Sign Is Especially 'Problematic,' According to a Psychologist )
Also on site :
- Smashing Pumpkins Roll Out Week of ‘Pumpkinpalooza’ Events In Lead-Up to First Lollapalooza Headlining Slot in 32 Years
- 156-Year-Old Moisturizer, Named One of the Best Beauty Products Ever Made, Remains a Multi-Purpose Staple Over 15 Decades Later
- 1982’s Smoothest Hit Still Ranks Among Yacht Rock's Best Ever—Thanks to a Nod to a Hidden '60s Classic