Half an hour later, I was on the back of a moped, zigzagging past stray dogs towards the home of the village doctor. But although the nearest hospital was hours away and my throat was starting to go numb, I wasn’t afraid so much as excited. This, I thought, was exactly why I’d come to Guatemala in the first place, and I couldn’t wait to tell people about it.
A decade of backpacking through countries like Laos, Armenia, and El Salvador has taught me that travel makes poor therapy, finding yourself abroad won’t solve the problems waiting for you back at home, and focusing on the journey rather than the destination isn’t as straightforward as it sounds.
At the same time, this newfound popularity has brought to light some major contradictions between people’s ideas about backpacking and the experience of itself. Now more than ever, I believe backpackers are driven not just by curiosity or wanderlust, but an expectation that exploring the world will also help them discover a better version of themselves.
Think also of the generation that gave birth to modern backpacking: the countercultural hippies of the 1960s and 70s, many of whom ventured east in search of cannabis, Buddhism, or both. Opening their minds with substances and immersing themselves in different cultures and religions, these supposed hedonists sought not pleasure so much as purpose—a modus operandi untainted by their consumerist upbringings.
Yet this is seldom the case. If anything, extended travel doesn’t broaden your sense of self so much as narrow it. Backpack for too long, and you’ll forget who you were prior to leaving home. Backpack too often, and you’ll start to feel like you’re in a constant state of passing through, even when you aren’t on the road.
Far from helping us feel better about ourselves, the travel-as-therapy mindset can turn backpacking into a competition to prove who is the bravest or most self-sufficient. I still remember the proud smile on the face of a backpacker in Bangkok as he told us how he’d smuggled himself into war-torn Myanmar, hiding in the luggage compartment of a bus. Or my disappointment when someone countered my scorpion story with a scorpion story of their own. (Hers was more venomous.)
Backpackers like to think of backpacking as anti-escapist. Where other vacationers withdraw into the protective bubbles of all-inclusive resorts and luxury cruise lines, a backpacker goes out into the “real” world. They eat street food, use public transport or hitchhike, and say yes to every side quest—even and especially when they don’t know where it will lead.
But few understand exactly what they are searching for. Local beer and cigarettes in hand, they talk on and on about turned leafs and fresh pages without ever going into specifics. The one thing they know for sure is that they have to keep on moving. Regardless of who they are or where they came from, the answers always seem to lie just beyond the horizon, somewhere near their next destination.
A similar dichotomy can be applied here. While the average beachgoer escapes the pressures and responsibilities of working life, I believe many backpackers are trying to escape from themselves. Their inability to do so explains much of the emotional baggage they carry with them.
Unlike their hippie predecessors, most modern backpackers struggle to stay in one place even for a single day. When you arrive somewhere new, you feel like a new person yourself, experiencing the world with fresh eyes and untested taste buds. But linger for too long, and old thoughts, feelings, and habits soon catch up with you, reminding you it’s time to move along to your next hiding place.
Conventional backpacking wisdom tells you to focus on the journey rather than the destination. In truth, many backpackers, myself included, have it backwards. Running either from or towards something, we search for a source of meaning that cannot be found, and in the process, end up getting stung.
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