While Christmas socialising usually involves a few too many nights on the mulled wine and cocktails, some people take it to extremes. In fact, some frequently exceed 14 units in just one night – never mind in a week (the NHS-recommended upper limit).
British women are the worst in the developed world for binge drinking, according to research by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). Researchers found 26 per cent of British women indulge in “heavy episodic drinking” at least once a month, which can have serious health consequences.
It was after a particularly boozy festive party in 2024 that Maddy Alexander-Grout, 42, from Southampton, decided she’d had her last binge. She talks to Marina Gask.
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I’ve always been a heavy drinker. In our family alcohol was moderated but it was allowed. My dad offered me my first glass of lager when I was about 14, and my parents encouraged me to be open with them if I was going to a party and drinking alcoholic drinks.
But unlike my sister who didn’t really like booze, I took to it with enthusiasm. Having both ADHD and autism I often felt overwhelmed, and I found alcohol shut off my racing thoughts and made me feel normal.
Once I got to university, I went out pretty much every single night. Because I was often drunk, I was careless. At one party, I was extremely drunk and three men sexually assaulted me – even that didn’t serve as a wake-up call. I realised afterwards that they’d spiked my drink, but it was my word against theirs so they couldn’t be prosecuted. The whole situation made me so depressed that I turned to alcohol even more to numb the mental pain.
At this point my mum wanted me to go to AA, but I told her I was fine.
I got a job in recruitment, where drinking was a big part of the work culture. I drank to fit in, using alcohol as a crutch. I’d set a limit of five pints on a weeknight, but on weekends there were no limits. I’d drink to celebrate a good day or to lift me up on a bad one. Meeting my now-husband James when I was 29, we both liked going out, so at first my drinking wasn’t an issue.
While I cut down considerably once we had our children, Ben, now 10 and Harriet, six, I really missed going out. With new responsibilities I found the massive change in my life hard, and being a mum with ADHD meant extra levels of overwhelm as I tried to manage everything.
I remember going to a Christmas party when I was still in recruitment. I’d won an award and drank a whole bottle of gin in my hotel room, just because it was there and I felt free of responsibilities. I had to pay extra to stay another night because I was too drunk to drive home.
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Every Christmas me and my friends would drink our way round the local Christmas market. While I no longer went out every night, whenever I did go out, I would drink the equivalent of three weeks’ worth of booze in one night, letting my hair down and escaping the pressures of motherhood. And that’s when it became more of a problem – I had no off-switch.
It was a party in January 2024 that changed everything. On this much anticipated night out with a large group of friends, I began drinking gin, my favourite tipple, at 6pm and continued drinking solidly for 12 hours. We went to a club, then a bar and spent the whole night dancing and drinking. When I rolled in at 6am to find the children (then eight and five) eating breakfast, James was furious. He said: “Get upstairs, you’re a state”.
I was blind drunk and had to go straight to bed, even though the children wanted me to play with them. Seeing the disappointment on their faces was a wake-up call.
The day got worse as I had to take them to a soft play party, where I was still so drunk that I kept vomiting. Spending that weekend so hungover that I couldn’t move, I felt full of shame. Lying in bed with the room spinning, I realized I had to stop wasting my life being drunk or hungover and be a real mum. Carrying on drinking just wasn’t fair on my family. I haven’t touched a drop since that party.
Going to the first wedding and funeral without alcohol was a challenge, but it gets a bit easier every time. My first sober birthday was hard, but I’ve had another since and it’s been great, because I remember everything afterwards.
I recently started on ADHD medication and found it did the same job as alcohol, calming my racing brain, so I didn’t miss alcohol being a crutch.
And if I was worried my friends wouldn’t understand my changing habits, I needn’t have been. There are no more fallouts and I’m less shouty and irritating, not such a liability, and less prone to end the night throwing up. And James says I’m a better person for not drinking.
I’ve lost weight, I’m healthier, my skin is better, I sleep soundly and don’t wake up with ‘hangxiety’ like I used to.
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The best thing is that after 20 years of being hungover on 25 December, I now really enjoy the day. Sharing presents and stockings with the kids with a clear mind is so much better – I’m fully present and participating. I regret all those times when they were small and I was barely coping or sloping off for a nap, too hungover to enjoy sharing the fun of the day with them.
When my dad died in September, I made a conscious decision to raise a couple of glasses of his favourite brand of lager to him, as that was our drink. People accused me of falling off the wagon, but I’m not on a wagon – I just choose not to drink. And that drink for Dad reminded me that my body doesn’t like it – I felt horrendous afterwards. It was a good reminder that it’s poison and there are better ways to manage my anxiety.
Since I gave up alcohol, I’ve done things I’d never have been able to do before, like running a successful business and even writing a book. And my kids have noticed I’m much more of a mum now. I can enjoy the magic of Christmas with my family without touching a drop.
Maddy Alexander-Grout is an ADHD money and business coach, and her book, Mad About Money, is about managing your finances with ADHD
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