It is in that spirit of hopeful ambivalence that I tuned in to this year’s offering, the line-up comprising EastEnders actress Kellie Bright, comedian Fatiha el-Ghorri, popstar Ian Watkins (better known as H from Steps), and reality star Charlotte Crosby. Blessedly, none had any significant sewing experience – excellent news, for someone who has seen enough competently-made pencil skirts in normal Sewing Bee to last a lifetime.
Charlotte Crosby made a gingerbread man-themed advent calendar (Photo: Neil Sherwood/BBC/Love Productions)
First up, the contestants made fabric advent calendars. Between Charlotte’s gingerbread man, Kellie’s robin, and H’s sack of presents, no one exactly reinvented Christmas. The closest we came to novelty was Fatiha’s tagine design, a nod to her Moroccan heritage. But spirits were high, and presenter Sarah Pascoe (returning after briefly handing the Sewing Bee reins to Kiell Smith-Bynoe) interjected with regular PG-rated gags: “I am the ghost of Christmas Past! Half your time has passed!”
I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than watch Sewing Bee again
Read MoreIn Australia, we have the perfect word for this kind of well-meaning cringe: “daggy”. Dagginess is about the spirit of uncool behaviour as much as the behaviour itself; akin to “basic” but less self-aware, dagginess involves the misdirected impression that you are in on a joke when you’re definitely not. Look it up – or just watch Celebrity Sewing Bee, daggy to its very core.
In a celebrity special, does the ranking even matter? All you need to know is that H was in the lead as the contestants settled in for the Made-to-Measure challenge, where they created outfits inspired by their favourite Christmas songs. Charlotte’s sausage roll dress – for 2021’s categorically unlistenable “Sausage Rolls for Everyone” by influencer couple LadBaby, featuring Ed Sheeran and Elton John – was adorable, and Fatiha’s fur trimmed kaftan in honour of East 17’s “Stay Another Day” was characteristically irreverent.
Fatiha el-Ghorri’s fur-trimmed kaftan paid homage to East 17’s ‘Stay Another Day’ (Photo: Neil Sherwood/BBC/Love Productions)Much like the proverbial end of year assembly I described earlier, contestants and judges alike were suddenly dancing around in silly costumes as H sung “Merry Christmas Everyone”, and I died of secondhand embarrassment. Turns out that Sewing Bee‘s celeb special is a double-edged sword – less insipidity, but a whole host of new (potentially fatal) uncool problems.
‘The Great British Sewing Bee Celebrity Christmas Special’ is streaming on BBC iPlayer
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