Imagine this all-too-common parenting scene: Your child walks through the front door after school, eyes brimming with tears and shoulders slumped in defeat. They lost their favorite jacket on the playground, or perhaps their best friend chose to sit with someone else at lunch. Every protective, loving instinct inside you immediately kicks into overdrive. You want to erase their pain, wrap them in reassurance and make everything better right away. So, you reach for a quick, comforting phrase that feels like second nature: “Look on the bright side, honey—it’s not that big of a deal!” or “At least you still have your other friends!”
It sounds gentle, supportive and completely well-meaning. But mental health experts warn that these knee-jerk platitudes may actually be doing subtle, long-term damage to a child’s emotional development.
When parents default to immediate optimism in the face of a child’s distress, they engage in a phenomenon known as “brightsiding“—a form of toxic positivity disguised as empathy. While intended to console, this relentless push toward silver linings sends an unintended message: uncomfortable emotions like sadness, disappointment, anger and anxiety are unacceptable to express.
Over time, children internalize this cue and learn to mask their true internal states to protect their parents’ comfort, effectively training them to bottle up their feelings when they need support the most. Understanding why this behavior happens—and how to cultivate authentic emotional validation instead—can fundamentally transform your parent-child connection and build genuine resilience that lasts a lifetime.
Related: This Label That Well-Meaning Parents Give to Their Kids Can Actually Be Detrimental, Child Psychologists Warn
Why ‘Brightsiding’ Backfires on Developing Minds
Parenting is an inherently emotional journey, and watching a child experience emotional pain often triggers a parent’s own discomfort or anxiety. As a result, brightsiding usually isn’t an intentional effort to dismiss a child, but rather an automatic coping mechanism adults use to regulate their own stress in the moment.
According to Dr. Max Doshay, CEO and Co-Founder of Monima Wellness in San Diego, CA, brightsiding frequently stems from an adult’s desire to maintain emotional balance.
“At its core, brightsiding often comes from a desire to maintain emotional balance—but more so for the comfort of the person offering it rather than the individual experiencing the distress,” he stated in a past Parade article on brightsiding phrases.
He then explained that brightsiding becomes a way “to sidestep uncomfortable emotions or conversations by clinging [to] or focusing exclusively on relentless optimism.”
When a child’s genuine grief or frustration is met with phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least,” it oversimplifies their complex experience and leaves them feeling deeply isolated in their struggle.
Related: 35 Common Toxic Positivity Phrases To Stop Using—Plus, What To Say Instead
Similarly, Dr. Lienna Wilson, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in Princeton, NJ, emphasized in the same Parade feature that brightsiding acts as a form of invalidation masquerading as support when a listener hesitates to sit with heavy emotions.
“From that perspective, it can be viewed as gaslighting or toxic positivity,” she said
Using silver-lining phrases can teach kids that their innate emotional reactions are incorrect, dramatic, or unwanted. When children repeatedly hear statements like “just cheer up” or “look on the bright side,” they absorb the belief that their painful feelings make the adults around them uncomfortable, prompting them to hide their vulnerability moving forward.
Moving Beyond ‘Look on the Bright Side’ To Build Real Resilience
The subtle pressure to suppress negative emotions often originates from one of the most common statements in modern parenting: “I just want my kids to be happy.” While it sounds like the ultimate goal of loving parenthood, experts urge parents to examine the hidden burden behind it.
In another Parade article on this unhelpful parenting phrase, Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, a licensed psychologist and trauma-informed parenting expert, explained that treating happiness as the primary benchmark sets up an unrealistic standard.
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What Parenting Style Is Best—They All Said the Same Thing
“Happiness is not a natural human state. Happiness is a fleeting emotion,” she pointed out.
When parents frame constant happiness as the goal, uncomfortable emotions begin to feel like personal failures rather than normal, informative parts of the human experience.
Dr. Koslowitz highlighted key categories of phrases that parents frequently use that inadvertently teach children to avoid processing their feelings. And while she doesn’t call them “brightsiding” phrases, they do something similar:
“Erasing the feelings” phrases: Saying “You’re fine,” “It’s not a big deal” or “Big kids don’t cry” directly tells a child that their emotional reaction is incorrect or excessive. “Minimizing the feelings” phrases: Platitudes starting with “At least…” or “It could be worse” offer cognitive reframing when the child actually needs empathy and presence. “Rushing the feelings” phrases: Statements such as “You’ll get over it” or “It’ll be OK” push children to fast-forward through discomfort instead of learning to sit with it. “Replacing the feelings” phrases: Demands like “Look on the bright side” or “Think positive” insist on swapping out a heavy emotion for a pleasant one before the child has processed what happened.Instead of rushing to fix every tear or setback, parents can build true emotional capacity by expanding their child’s ability to tolerate discomfort. Rather than forcing a silver lining, try stepping into their world with a validating response: “I know this feels really hard right now, and I am right here with you.”
By creating space for sadness, frustration, and worry, you teach your child that no emotion is dangerous—and that they never have to carry hard feelings alone.
Adapted from Parade’s “Why You Shouldn’t Ignore These 6 Common ‘Brightsiding’ Phrases, Psychologists Warn” by Shelby Deering and “‘I’m a Psychologist, and I’m Begging Parents to Stop Using This 1 Common Phrase’” by Dr. Robin Koslowitz, PhD.
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Related: ‘I’m a Positive Psychology Researcher—This Is the 1 Thing I’m Begging People To Stop Doing During Hard Times’
Sources:
Dr. Max Doshay is the CEO and Co-Founder of Monima Wellness in San Diego, CA. Dr. Lienna Wilson, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist in Princeton, NJ. Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and trauma-informed parenting expert.Hence then, the article about the brightsiding trend that is accidentally teaching kids to hide their feelings was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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