Turning 50 is a milestone. You can reflect and look ahead—because there’s a lot to look forward to after the half-century mark, like more time with family, retirement, travel and whatever happiness looks like for you. This era of your life can be a time to step into your confidence if you haven’t already. Believe it or not, you don’t need to excel at something to feel confidence.
“Confidence is being comfortable with yourself,” Dr. Gayle MacBride, PhD, LP, a psychologist with Veritas Psychology, tells Parade. “It does not always mean that you feel good at something. Those two may overlap, but they are not the same.”
She says that signs of a confident woman include expressing an opinion, even if it’s uncomfortable, and knowing that disagreements can happen and they don’t require fixing.
Confident women over 50 don’t over-apologize, which Dr. MacBride explains means using “sorry” even when you haven’t done anything that needs fixing.
Why do women apologize so much? It’s psychology, brought to you by the patriarchy.
“Especially girls are socialized to take care of everyone else and make sure that everyone else is OK before meeting their own needs,” she states. “This might mean that she learns early on that she needs to soften any requests she might make or tone down any disagreement she might have with another person, just to keep peace.”
It’s not inherently bad, but Dr. MacBride says reflexive apologizing is worth working on. Here, she reveals five things confident women over 50 stop apologizing for. Plus, the psychologist gives advice on how to stop over-apologizing in your daily life.
Related: This Is the Best ‘Slow Living’ Hobby for Women Over 50, Psychologists Say
The Psychology Behind ‘Sorry Syndrome’
Dr. MacBride describes “sorry syndrome” as a catchy phrase for a behavioral pattern. It’s not a clinical term, but it can help us answer the question, “Why do women apologize so much?” with psychology.
“Women in particular have learned to use apologies as a way to manage their own discomfort,” she explains. “Without even realizing it, they very often soften what they’re saying before someone’s even hurt or angry. It may even be a result of a longstanding pattern of social reward.”
For instance, she shares that girls are often given praise for being “good girls”—AKA considerate, cooperative and, yep, nice.
“This reinforces that girls should be very attuned to how other people feel and to act at the slightest hint that someone might be upset or withdraw that social reward,” Dr. MacBride tells Parade.
Psychological Science research suggests that women generally apologize more often than men. However, men aren’t less willing to apologize. Instead, researchers point out that women were more inclined to label their own behavior “potentially problematic.” Men were less likely to do the same for the same behavior.
“In other words, part of the difference may come down to where we set the threshold for thinking, ‘I did something wrong,'” Dr. MacBride notes.
Now, to be clear, she doesn’t tell her clients to stop apologizing. Accountability matters. Instead, she recommends that her clients pause and ask themselves:
Did I truly cause harm, or is the other person uncomfortable because they don’t like my choice? Was everything in this situation totally out of everyone’s control, and am I somehow taking social responsibility for it?Related: 12 Genius Phrases To Shut Down ‘Mansplainers,’ According to Psychologists
5 Things Confident Women Over 50 Stop Apologizing For
Want to know how to be confident after 50 as a woman? These are the five things to stop apologizing for, according to a psychologist.
1. Saying no
No is a full sentence, and you don’t have to follow it with an apology. Dr. MacBride shares that confident women over 50 know that it’s not unkind to decline an invite or request with warmth and compassion.
“We’re often tempted to apologize because we know that our response might disappoint someone,” she says. “We need to remember that disappointment isn’t the same thing as harm.”
Related: 9 Phrases To Use Instead of Automatically Saying Yes, According to Psychologists
2. Having needs
Dr. MacBride knows that many women spend decades anticipating what everyone else needs and prioritizing it, even at their own expense. She says many of her women clients over 50 (and, frankly, under it) struggle with feeling “selfish” just for considering their own needs.
“Confident women realize that recognizing their own needs doesn’t make them needy,” she notes. “She also realizes that meeting her own needs first is much like that proverbial oxygen mask. It doesn’t limit her capacity to help others—it expands it.”
Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros
3. Taking up space
This one can be physical and emotional. It can also mean owning expertise and accomplishments. Dr. MacBride says it can take women time to learn to tell the difference between arrogance and confidence. There’s science to that; studies suggest women who openly tout their accomplishments get seen as more competent but less likable.
“In other words, we can be good at what we do, but we may feel pressure to soften how we talk about it so that we don’t make anyone uncomfortable,” Dr. MacBride shares.
Admittedly, taking up space asks women to engage in a balancing act and ask themselves, “How can I put my best foot forward in a room full of people without leaving a very negative impression of myself?”
“No wonder it takes half a century to figure this out!” she exclaims. “But by 50, many women have accumulated enough experience to recognize that acknowledging their expertise isn’t arrogance. It’s simply telling the truth about what they bring to the table.”
4. Their changing bodies
The messaging is long, loud and clear to women: Stay young (or at least look like you’re trying). But Dr. MacBride says our bodies can start changing in ways society opposes, just as we start to grow into our confidence. Isn’t it ironic?
“That pressure can leave women feeling as though wrinkles, gray hair or changing bodies are something to apologize for,” Dr. MacBride tells Parade. “But by 50, many of us are learning to appreciate what our bodies have carried us through rather than focusing exclusively on how they look.”
To be clear, you don’t have to love every line or decide your appearance no longer matters (unless you want to).
“It means we get to decide what makes us feel good without worrying about meeting someone else’s expectations,” she clarifies. “We’ve spent decades learning to be comfortable in our own skin. Many women are so over the idea of apologizing for the skin we’re in now.”
5. Their growth
Dr. MacBride says this one isn’t about clothes. Rather, we start to develop roles, friendships, communities and traditions that no longer fit.
“These changes can naturally come with some grief,” she states. “This is another instance when a difficult-to-hold feeling does not necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong, and certainly does not mean that it requires an apology.”
Related: 12 Things Emotionally Intelligent Women Do That the Average Person Avoids, Psychologists Say
Why Does Confidence Often Peak After 50?
Dr. MacBride is here for this question. She feels that by 50, women have gathered evidence, survived losses and made mistakes. And? They lived to tell the tale.
“We have invented and reinvented ourselves a number of times over and been able to find the core or common thread of who we are in each of those identities,” she says. “When we know who we are, we can align our lives more consistently with what matters.”
At 50, the psychologist explains that confident women know they don’t have to be great at everything to trust themselves and know their needs. So, it’s unsurprising that they start shedding people-pleasing habits. Plus, she points out that women 50+ have made so many attempts to make everyone happy and may finally be realizing it’s an impossible, thankless gig.
“Eventually, with enough experience and loss, we start to understand that everything is finite and we have to make careful choices.” Dr. MacBride states. “I also think that many of us who have had children and watch them become independent also find the need or desire to have that independence ourselves.”
She says it doesn’t hurt that women in this age group are often more financially secure, which takes the pressure off constantly having to prove themselves.
Related: 7 Things Emotionally Strong People Stop Doing After 50, According to a Psychologist
How To Stop Over-Apologizing in Your Daily Life: 3 Tactics
Shedding people-pleasing habits and the “sorry syndrome” are two secrets to building confidence in your 50s. But it’s hard. To help, here’s some psychologist advice for women over 50 on how to stop over-apologizing.
1. Ask yourself: “Did I do something wrong?”
It’s a tough question, but you can answer it. Dr. MacBride advises people to apologize when they’ve hurt or truly disappointed someone. However, what do you do when the answer to this question is, “I have a need” or “I’m going to say no to someone”?
“This is now a response related to your own discomfort rather than wrongdoing. I’m a big advocate for taking a little pause,” she says. “That brief moment gives you an opportunity to separate guilt from anxiety. “
She explains that guilt is, “I did something wrong that needs repair.” She clarifies that anxiety is “someone else might not like what I’m about to do or say.”
“You only need to apologize for one of them,” Dr. MacBride emphasizes.
Related: ‘Am I the Problem?’ A Relationship Therapist Shares 7 Warning Signs
2. Replace “sorry”
Dr. MacBride says simple swaps can help us avoid some awkwardness. For instance, instead of “I’m sorry I’m late,” she recommends trying “Thanks for waiting.” “I’m sorry I can’t make it” can become “Thanks for inviting me, but I can’t make it.”
“These might feel like small swaps, but the results are pretty profound,” she shares. “Suddenly, we’re not apologizing for having needs or saying no, but we still recognize that these things affect others.”
3. Watch what happens after the boundary
Dr. MacBride knows that the moments after saying “No” can induce panic. The silence can begin to feel heavy. It’s perhaps the hardest part of setting boundaries and shedding people-pleasing habits, and it’s tempting to try to fill the silence with explanations and justifications.
“What’s really going on is a social tug to get the other person to approve of our response,” she points out. “Instead of filling the silence by explaining or justifying, practice letting your response stand for itself. Remind yourself that someone can be disappointed by your decision without it meaning that the decision was wrong.”
Up Next:
Related: These 7 ‘Bad’ Habits Actually Signal Strong Intuition, Psychologist Says
Sources:
Dr. Gayle MacBride, PhD, LP, is a psychologist with Veritas Psychology. Why women apologize more than men: gender differences in thresholds for perceiving offensive behavior (2010). Psychological Science. Self-promotion as a risk factor for women: The costs and benefits of counterstereotypical impression management (1998). Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.Hence then, the article about psychologist says women who become more confident after 50 usually stop apologizing for these 5 things was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( Psychologist Says Women Who Become More Confident After 50 Usually Stop Apologizing for These 5 Things )
Also on site :
- While consumers are angry about high-tech ways to set prices, a study of dynamic pricing found half the U.S. changes it recorded were decreases
- ‘Hidden Love’ and ‘The First Frost’ Are Getting a Final Companion Romance—Meet ‘When I Meet the Moon’
- Curtain Up: ‘La Bola Negra’ Shines As Netflix Shares Grosses In Historic First — Specialty Box Office