When Jen Hamilton first announced the end of her nearly 14-year marriage, she tearfully wished the future version of herself could tell her everything would be OK.
Now, six weeks later, the influencer is doing exactly that in a heartfelt new TikTok.
"I know that I'm doing the right thing, but it hurts so bad. I just want the healed version of myself to come and tell me that it's going to be OK," she said through tears in a video originally shared on June 15. "I need me in a year. I need me in five years [to tell me] that I made the right choice."
The Hamilton of today is in a very different place after learning that her ex, Brian Hamilton, was living a "double life."
@_jen_hamilton_Talking to myself ❤️
♬ originalljud - Real Speak"I'm not the one-year version of you. I'm not the five-year version of you, but I the six and a half week version of you," she told her previous self in a video shared via TikTok on Wednesday, July 18. "I'm here to tell you that you won't be feeling that forever. I do have some bad news though—I don't know if I should tell you this or not. It's about to get...like, whatever you're feeling right now in this moment, it's about to get so much worse than that."
She continued, "And I know that you are big sad girl right now, and that is very important to our process. What is about to happen is going to take you from big sad girl to 'what the f---' girl. And we do need some of that. You have no freaking clue what's about to happen to you."
The labor and delivery nurse previously spilled the traumatic details of her divorce, saying she's done "being people’s PR manager."
"I didn’t know about the affair before we signed papers. That came literally that night after signing papers," Hamilton explained, adding that she's dealing with the split as "a death."
“That’s what it feels like in my soul, because all the memories, all the tender moments—poof. I do not know this person. Truly," she said.
In a follow-up video, Jen hinted that Brian's "double life" was not his first slip up.
"I feel like I need to get out ahead of something. If anything ever comes out about other things this guy has done in my marriage," she chuckled. "Me now, my big strong girl. Me independent girl. Me back then? Me insecure girl. Me desperate girl. Me 'love me,' girl. Me purity culture girl. Me 'you're the only one I've ever been with,' girl. Me 'I forgive you,' girl. Me marriage is most important thing, girl. Me, I said vow for forever, girl. Me limitless forgiveness girl. I needed me now, back then."
The New York Times bestseller claimed she likely doesn't know everything Brian did throughout their marriage.
"It does not get better, you hear me? Them get sneakier," she warned others in her position. "I wish to God that I was strong enough to leave at the first situation. But looking back, I don't regret loving him as much as I did because I love really hard. I don't want that to change about me."
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