When you think of psychology or psychotherapy, you might think of an exaggerated session where someone is trying to understand the meaning of life. While that isn’t always the case, a form of that can be a subcategory called existential psychotherapy, which focuses on someone's lived experience and their own reality. And Rollo May is known as the “father of Existential Psychotherapy in the United States.”
Per EBSCO, he “focused on the profound dimensions of human existence” and his early works explored “the themes of anxiety, alienation and the quest for self-understanding in a fragmented cultural landscape.” On that note, our quote of the dayhighlights one of May’s insights into how communication and community are so closely connected.
Born in 1909 in a small town in Ohio, Rollo May grew up as the second-oldest of six children, per the official Rollo May website. His family moved to Michigan when he was still young, and he attended Oberlin College in 1930, per EBSCO. He then taught in Greece for a few years before becoming a counselor at Michigan State University. He went on to study theology after reading lots of Søren Kierkegaard while in a sanatorium for three years due to tuberculosis, and then earned the first PhD in clinical psychology that Columbia University ever awarded in 1949.
As EBSCO reported, May was also influenced by European existential thinkers such as Ludwig Binswanger and Medard Boss. He ultimately believed that those who suffered psychologically were “disconnected from one’s true self, leading to widespread anxiety.” He thought that this kind of anxiety was an epidemic by the 1950s, and can be “fixed” by finding your true self by “attuning oneself authentically (within not without) via courage and creativity.”
May’s work and research are still influential, and today’s quote shares his thoughts surrounding how powerful communication is and how it can create community, something that’s necessary to help people develop and thrive.
Related: Quote of the Day: Philosopher Simone de Beauvoir on Life Gaining Value Through Love, Friendship and Compassion for Others
Quote of the Day by Rollo May
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"Communication leads to community — that is, to understanding, intimacy, and the mutual valuing that was previously lacking."
This quote appears in Chapter 12 titled “Toward New Community” in May’s 1972 book, Power and Innocence: A Search for the Source of Violence. The main thesis of this work is to explain the “creative aspects of power and innocence” and “offers a way of thinking about the problems of contemporary society."
Before this quote, he writes that “power is required for communication,” saying that whether you have to go before a “hostile” group or be honest with a friend, speaking up and communicating requires “self-affirmation, self-assertion and even at times aggression.”
And then in the paragraph this line appears: he writes that humans “would not communicate unless we valued the other, considered him worth talking to, worth the effort to make our ideas clear.” Something that Alfred Adler calls “social interest,” he notes. Then he says the line, followed by the larger quote:
“Communication leads to community — that is, to understanding, intimacy, and the mutual valuing that was previously lacking. Community can be defined simply as a group in which free conversation can take place. Community is where I can share my innermost thoughts, bring out the depths of my own feelings, and know they will be understood.”
Related: Quote of the Day: Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on Inner Light and Resilience Being 'Like Stained-Glass Windows’
In the context of trying to understand the concepts of power and innocence in our modern world (of the 1970s), May is saying that power is needed to communicate. As he says, this “power” is referring to the effort and vulnerability needed to share your thoughts. And doing so can bring you together with your community. In fact, it can create community.
In the most barebones view of this quote, when you talk to someone and find common ground, you can create a friendship, a bond and maybe even a community if it’s long-lasting. If you speak with your next-door neighbor often and create a good rapport, you now have a buddy you can ask to borrow sugar from when needed. If you make conversation with the person who always sits next to you in your big lecture hall class, you now have someone to go to lunch with if you have enough in common.
If you close yourself off and never speak with others or try to build bonds, then you won’t have that place where you can “share [your] innermost thoughts, bring out the depths of [your] own feelings and know they will be understood” as May says. It can be lonely to not have a community, which is why people strive for it so much.
Many psychologists share that “micro-interactions” are the best way to start to beat loneliness. These include little actions that bring social synergies into your life and start to cure stagnant feelings of isolation, even if the interactions are small and not long-lasting bonds. In the same vein, as May states here, just striking up conversations can lead to kinship.
And even further, once you have community, speaking about your feelings, sharing your problems and more can deepen that sense of belonging. Communication really is the first thing you can do to bridge a gap with other people, sometimes even before seeing someone face-to-face, especially now in the digital age. But even back then, a letter or phone call went a long way. And that’s still the case today.
Related: Quote of the Day: Psychologist Jean Piaget on Personal Growth and Embracing Your Inner Child
More Quotes from Rollo May
"Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.""The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt."“Many people feel they are powerless to do anything effective with their lives. It takes courage to break out of the settled mold, but most find conformity more comfortable. This is why the opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it's conformity.”“A person can meet anxiety to the extent that his values are stronger than the threat.”“Intimacy requires courage because risk is inescapable. We cannot know at the outset how the relationship will affect us.”Up Next:
Related: Quote of the Day: Psychologist B.F. Skinner on Ingenuity and the Importance of Human Intelligence
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