Harry and Meghan have plumbed new depths with their latest burst of self-promotion, after arriving in Sydney earlier this morning.
First, they visited Melbourne’s Royal Children’s Hospital. Cue pictures of them smiling with ill children. And then, once they’ve got their haloes fixed in position, then they can embark on the next stage – filling their pockets with cash.
This weekend, punters will pay around £1,500 a ticket to hear Meghan talk at the Her Best Life Retreat at Coogee’s InterContinental Hotel in Sydney. The cheaper tickets – a mere £1,400 – entail single customers having to share a room with a stranger, unless you stump up £1,700 for a “VIP experience”.
No wonder the Sussexes have lost 11 publicists since stepping down as working royals in 2020. Who would want to represent them, or – as Spotify executive Bill Simmons described them – “The f**cking grifters. That’s the podcast we should have launched with them.”
That podcast, Archetypes – with Meghan virtue-signalling to Serena Williams and Mariah Carey – died a death. After 12 episodes, Spotify, having spent an estimated £18m on the series, decided not to renew it.
Ditto Netflix – reports suggest the streamer hasn’t renewed the Sussexes’ contract after With Love, Meghan, a dire lifestyle show. Having watched it, I was surprised anybody would want to eat her overpriced jam, sold through her brand, As Ever.
The problem is, the Sussexes just aren’t very talented. Practically everything they touch falls apart. Just look at the tragic tale of Harry’s once-admirable charity, Sentebale, founded with Prince Seeiso of Lesotho, in honour of their mothers, who died young. The laudable aim was to help children in Lesotho and Botswana with HIV and Aids.
But now the charity is on the verge of collapse, with the princes retiring as patrons, the trustees resigning and now the charity suing Harry and another former trustee for defamation after their massive falling out with the charity’s chair, Sophie Chandauka.
What can the Sussexes do with their lives, now their money-making ventures are foundering and their most famous charity is in terrible straits?
Well, their answer is to go on the road and try to combine the two – with the altruism taking the edge off the commerical aspect.
The direction of travel is clear. The big payers – Netflix and Spotify – seem to have tired of them. But they still are one of the most famous couples in the world. And people will pay to see them in the flesh.
For now. The Sussexes are only famous because of their relationship with the Royal Family – a relationship they have trashed for five years, ever since they hung out their dirty laundry for Oprah Winfrey to scrutinise in 2021.
No wonder the Royal Family are wary of seeing the Sussexes again – for fear of further revelations.
Prince Harry, though, is longing to see the relations he attacked – partly out of family love, yes, but also because it is the Sussexes’ proximity to the monarchy that makes them interesting.
Without that proximity, they are two fairly dull, middle-aged show-offs, living in California.
And without any further meetings with the Royal Family, their gossip cupboard is increasingly bare. There are very few scurrilous revelations left for them to expose, after Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, and their self-indulgent moanings on the Netflix show, Harry & Meghan.
The couple are seemingly unaware of their raging hypocrisy. They complain about press intrusion – and Harry’s only real job until recently appeared to be conducting court cases against the British papers, and trying to re-establish his security when he returns to Britain.
They want to court publicity – as they are doing to the max on their Australian tour – but they only want good publicity.
If only they had observed the behaviour of the late Queen, whose centenary falls on 21 April. Paradoxically, she became the most famous woman in the world by not courting publicity; and she garnered good publicity by putting duty before money – the inverse of her grandson’s priorities.
How different it could have been. Prince Harry once did everything right: the decorated Army veteran who founded Sentebale and the Invictus Games for injured veterans. Here’s hoping the games are a success next year in Birmingham.
Otherwise, what’s in the Sussexes’ diary? More court dates; more commercialisation, charity-washed by visits to children’s hospitals.
What a decline! What a fall!
Harry Mount is author of How England Made the English?
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