Parents want to do everything they can to provide a safe and loving upbringing for their kids, but it's easy to make mistakes. One error parents can make is labeling their child—positive or otherwise—and unintentionally putting that kid in a box in a detrimental way. There's one super commonlabel that well-meaning parents give to their kids that can do much more harm than good.
To better understand the repercussions of this category (and labels in general), Parade consulted two child psychologists: Dr. Mary Beth DeWitt, the Chief of Child Psychology at Dayton Children's Hospital, and Dr. Erica Rozmid, a board-certified clinical psychologist specializing in evidence-based therapy for children, teens, young adults and their parents.
Dr. Rozmid, also the founder of Clarity CBT and DBT Center in Los Angeles, explains that the desire to assign labels to your child is normal, even if it can have drawbacks.
"As humans, we do like to categorize, and so a label can serve that purpose to help a parent put their child into a category," she says, adding, "But it inhibits the child’s actual full potential of who they are or may become."
This can even be the case of a seemingly "positive" label. Keep reading to see what one of the most common offenders is, even though it may come with good intentions.
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Responses
This Well-Meaning Label for Kids Can Be Detrimental, Child Psychologists Share
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The seemingly positive label to watch out for? Calling your child a "good kid."
"Often with good intent, we may indicate our kids are 'good,' but this could create high standards for the child to follow and could influence how they perceive themselves," Dr. DeWitt explains.
She says it adds pressure to continually be "good," when "good" isn't even necessarily a defined benchmark that someone can strive for and achieve. "It tends to focus on an intrinsic quality, 'good' versus a specific behavioral quality," she states.
The "good" label also implies the existence of a "bad" label. Dr. Rozmid says this "can lead to further shame and blame when [kids] do something we consider 'bad,' like making a mistake, lying or even something that is developmentally appropriate."
"It can also create comparisons with other children, suggesting another child must be bad," she tells Parade.
Related: These 7 ‘Nice Girl’ Behaviors Could Actually Be Hurting You, According to Psychologists
Dr. Rozmid says that parents should "limit [and] avoid all labels, even perceived good ones."
"Kids internalize labels really easily and absorb them as part of their identity, so parents should be very wary of using them," she adds.
Here are four common ones she specifically warns against.
"Even saying a child is 'extremely intelligent' can be hard if [or] when they get a C on a test," Dr. Rozmid says, adding that this label "can lead to all-or-nothing thinking, such as: 'I'm really smart, but if I get a C on a test, I must be dumb.'"
2. "Shy"
"For shy children, avoid labeling them as shy," Dr. Rozmid states. Instead, she suggests that parents focus on encouragement to be more social.
"You can say something like, 'I noticed you said hi to your classmate, and that was brave.' Or, 'Do you want mommy to stay with you until you say hi to your friend?'"
Conversely, she says you should skip labelling a child "the social butterfly" just as much as you should avoid the "shy" label.
"I really don’t like labels of any kind," she says.
"Labels also create dynamics within the family, especially between siblings," says Dr. Rozmid. She adds that parents may label one child as "the athlete" or another as "the academic."
"This doesn't help them as much as you might think," she says.
Instead of using terms like "the star athlete," she says you can commend the child's effort "by saying something more like, 'I saw how you kept going even when you were tired during those drills.' Or, 'You seem to love playing basketball. What activity do you want to try out next?'"
4. "The Academic"
Similarly to the athlete label, telling your child that they're academic still puts them in a box—just a different one.
"When labeled, kids can feel stuck in their roles within the family and it can breed unnecessary competition," Dr. Rozmid explains.
She offers alternatives to "the academic" label, like, "You worked so hard on that project—how do you feel?"
"This shift encourages the child to reflect on the process instead of fixating on the result and how it made you, as the parent, feel," she shares.
Related: How To Validate Someone’s Feelings, According to a Clinical Psychologist
What Parents Can Say To Encourage or Congratulate Their Kids Instead
Dr. DeWitt says that praise you give kids should be "specific and descriptive" and should "define the behavior, not the child." She shares that instead of telling your child that they're smart, you can tell them, "You studied so much and earned a great grade!"
Dr. Rozmid adds that she likes "to use objective adjectives to describe a behavior, not a trait of someone’s character."
"[This] allows the child to test boundaries [and] explore outside them... as the child inevitably evolves and changes," she says.
Ultimately, she cautions against labels because they can "oversimplify a child and their many traits and gifts." Not putting them in a box—even a seemingly "good" box—is important. After all, as Dr. DeWitt says, "Parents are children's first teachers, and shape how kids come to view themselves."
Why limit what they can see?
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Related: People Who Were Praised for Being 'Easy' as Kids Often Do These 7 Things as Adults, Psychologists Say
Sources:
Dr. Mary Beth DeWitt is the Chief of Child Psychology at Dayton Children's Hospital.Dr. Erica Rozmid is a board-certified clinical psychologist specializing in evidence-based therapy for children, teens, young adults and their parents. She's also the founder of Clarity CBT and DBT Center in Los Angeles.Hence then, the article about this label that well meaning parents give to their kids can actually be detrimental child psychologists warn was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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