As humans, we experience vast arrays of emotions. While some of us have the ability to manage those emotions and reveal them during intentional moments, many of us do struggle with those big feelings, and they may seem to outwardly appear without warning. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ryan C. Warner, consulting psychologist and Chief Executive Officer of RC Warner Consulting, says that emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, understand and manage your emotions in ways that are adaptive or helpful rather than functionally impactful, meaning they can change situations in an effective way.“Proper self-regulation is an essential part of personal emotional wellness and appropriate interpersonal functioning,” says Jeffrey Portnoy, PhD, clinical neuropsychologist at Holy Name Medical Center. As for the benefits of emotional self-regulation, Dr. Warner says that you may notice an improved ability to manage distress, improved decision-making, greater confidence and enhanced physical wellbeing. He adds that emotional self-regulation contributes to more effective communication with others, higher levels of empathy and compassion, better conflict resolution and stronger leadership abilities.If you feel that you may be struggling with emotional self-regulation, find out why you grapple with this, learn the subtle signs it may be showing up in your life and discover how to better regulate your emotions.Related: 12 Common Habits of People With High Emotional Intelligence, According to Psychologists
Why You Might Struggle With Emotional Self-Regulation
“People can struggle with self-regulation for a variety of reasons,” Dr. Portnoy tells Parade, and explains that it’s something that’s developed throughout our lifespans. For instance, the caregiving we received as children can impact emotional regulation in adulthood, and specific life experiences, such as psychological trauma or prolonged adversity, can affect a person’s level of vigilance and threat detection. “Additionally, individuals may have never been taught adaptive skills to manage stress, whether during their educational experiences or by parents/caregivers,” Dr. Warner says. “Instead, they may have learned maladaptive ways of managing distress, such as avoidance or emotional suppression.”Emotional dysregulation can also temporarily come about from periods of intense stress and burnout, or even poor sleep and limited self-care, as Dr. Portnoy points out.
He also says that neurodevelopmental disorders, such as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorders, are also associated with differences in emotional attunement and behavioral control. Also, these individuals might suffer from clinical depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions. Related: 8 Behaviors That Instantly Reveal Someone Has Low Emotional Intelligence, Psychologists Say
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Dr. Warner says that those who have trouble self-regulating may avoid situations that contribute to internal discomfort, such as difficult conversations or conflicts arising from differences in opinions. “This behavior often reflects a form of self-protection aimed at achieving short-term relief, without recognizing that avoiding challenges in the long term may not always be helpful,” he notes.
2. You react impulsively
“In my clinical research, and personal experience, individuals who lack emotional self-regulation may consistently react impulsively when making decisions, which can cause functional impacts for themselves or others,” Dr. Warner says. “One reason this occurs is a lack of awareness of the mental shortcuts the brain relies on, especially during periods of stress or distress.”Related: People Who Struggle With Self-Awareness Often Display These 8 Behaviors, Psychologists Say
Dr. Portnoy says that people who do not self-regulate, especially those already prone to depressive symptoms, may become overly ruminative, and replay unpleasant situations over and over in their heads. “While mentally ‘time traveling’ back to an unpleasant experience feels like it allows for change, someone with strong self-regulation skills will understand that revisiting negative past experiences only allows you to learn from your mistakes, not to actually change them,” he observes.
4. You overreact to minor stressors
If you aren’t able to regulate your feelings, you may overreact to “even minor stressors” and “say or do things [you] later regret, which can harm one's relationships and reputation,” Dr. Portnoy says. “When living perpetually on the edge of one's emotional boundaries, it doesn't take much additional stress to push that person over the edge.”
Dr. Warner says that those who are emotionally dysregulated may have difficulty expressing their emotions to others “due to not being able to put language or words to how they are feeling.” He says, “For instance, they may often say they're ‘angry,’ not recognizing anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath their anger may be other feelings like feeling hurt, underappreciated or not seen.”
6. You struggle with trusting yourself
“Those with poor self-regulation skills often do not trust themselves to handle adversity or manage their own stress,” Dr. Portnoy says. “This can lead to an excessive need to check in with others for reassurance.”
According to Dr. Warner, you may consistently blame others instead of taking accountability and responsibility for your actions. “This may be due to difficulty engaging in self-reflecting and looking intrapersonally at themselves, especially when under stress,” he says.
8. You experience depleted mental energy
“Remaining in a heightened emotional state requires more mental energy than feeling calm and well-adjusted,” Dr. Portnoy says. “Maintaining a constant level of emotional hyperarousal and elevated threat detection quickly depletes mental energy, leaving people feeling burned out and emotionally drained.”Related: 7 Traits That Separate Emotionally Intelligent Leaders From Everyone Else
How To Improve Emotional Self-Regulation
If you frequently wrestle with regulating your emotions, Dr. Portnoy assures that self-regulation is a mental muscle, and it’s never too late to strengthen your self-understanding or emotional resilience. He says that the first step you can take is self-awareness. “People with strong emotional regulation are very well-attuned to their physical and mental sensations of stress, nervousness and sadness,” he says. “This allows them to intervene, soothe and re-center themselves before getting too far away from their emotional baseline.”
To calm yourself, he says that it can be as simple as stepping away from stressful work or personal situations for a few seconds or minutes, reflecting on why you feel so stressed, and take a few deep breaths while labeling your emotions and understanding that there is a path forward. Also, you can remind yourself that your emotions are temporary. Things like exercise, meditation and journaling can also prove to be helpful, along with a “healthy diet” and “an adequate duration of high-quality sleep,” as Dr. Portnoy says.“Also, we can seek coaching or therapy to obtain unbiased feedback and professional guidance,” Dr. Warner concludes.
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Sources:
Dr. Ryan C. Warner, consulting psychologist and Chief Executive Officer of RC Warner Consulting.Jeffrey Portnoy, PhD, clinical neuropsychologist at Holy Name Medical Center.Hence then, the article about people who lack emotional self regulation often do these 8 things without realizing it psychologists say was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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