If America is familiar with anything right now, it’s people disagreeing with each other. Even on a more micro level, miscommunications, differences of opinion and confusion are common things that happen every day in relationships.Sometimes, a person’s perspective can stem from their identity. For example, a man’s experiences will differ from a woman’s in some ways, and an older person probably views etiquette differently than a younger person does.Unfortunately, sometimes those differing viewpoints can lead to problems and misunderstandings, some of which could be fixed with a quick clarifying conversation that may or may not happen (it’s a shame that doesn’t happen more, isn’t it?).Addressing all the various demographics and how they can affect someone’s viewpoint would take a hot minute—perhaps even into the next generation—so let’s focus on the latter and get specific by talking about Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) and Millennials (born between 1980 and 1994). More specifically, how might a Boomer’s social habits be not only different from but perplexing to a Millennial, or someone of a younger generation?To bridge the gap, psychologists reveal nine social habits Boomers have that confuse younger generations—plus what social habits are, exactly—and explain how we can understand each other better. Related: 15 Phrases To Disagree Respectfully, According to Psychologists
When you picture a habit, you might think of brushing your teeth twice a day or reading a few chapters before bed. What may not come to mind as quickly are social habits.“Social habits are essentially learned behaviors, communication styles and unspoken rules we use when interacting with others,” says Dr. Crystal Saidi, PsyD, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Irvine, CA, who specializes in family conflict, anxiety and coping skills. “These habits feel automatic because they stem from childhood, culture and shared generational experiences.”Dr. Elana Hoffman, PhD, a clinical psychologist, provides a similar way of looking at it: “A social habit is essentially a culturally acceptable norm that becomes automatic and people come to expect,” she explains. Examples include saying “please,” holding doors, and making eye contact when someone is talking to you.
Boomers Grew Up in a Different Society Than Younger Generations Did
Not to state the obvious, but Boomers grew up in a different age than people of other generations. Life and its expectations were different. As a result, their thinking is different, and the habits that result can be confusing (and perhaps even offensive) for people who grew up in a later decade.“Boomers grew up in a world where hierarchy, stability and face-to-face communication were both expected and valued,” Dr. Saidi says. “Millennials and Gen Z grew up in a world centered around technology, flexibility and efficiency. This creates tension because each generation assumes their way is the right way, when they are simply operating from different rulebooks.”Dr. Hoffman adds that Boomers didn’t grow up with social media and its pressures, and they were much less likely to be accepting of therapy. Millennials, on the other hand, are seen as “bad parents” if they do what Boomers used to—like letting kids play outdoors unsupervised—and focus more on being authentic than avoiding judgment.“These are just a few, as there are many more ways society is different now (politically, culturally, economically),” she continues. “There is often tension around these differences because neither generation really can understand the context of the other and where the behaviors really stem from.”That can lead to Millennials seeing Boomers’ habits as annoying and unnecessary, and Boomers seeing Millennials as cavalier about the important things.Related: 8 Things Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say
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Before we go further, it’s important to note that these characteristics and habits are generalizations; while they may be true for some Boomers and Millennials, they can’t be said of every single one.
For Boomers, making a phone call is a quick and easy decision. For Millennials, it feels awkward and untimely.“Phone calls were the primary mode of communication for decades, and phone calls signal respect and formality,” Dr. Saidi says. “Millennials view calls as intrusive unless scheduled. Texting is more efficient, and lets people reply when they have the bandwidth.”Related: The #1 Unexpected Reason Why Millennials Hate Talking on the Phone, According to Psychologists
2. Feeling anxious or catastrophizing often
While someone worrying about you means they care, it can sometimes add unhelpful fear. “[Boomers] will warn their Millennial children that they must go to the dentist or their teeth will fall out, remind them of an attack that happened at a certain place 10 years ago and the like,” Dr. Hoffman says. “Boomers do this because they think they are doing the right thing, but from a different perspective, it’s just creating unnecessary fear, which is why Millennials have a problem with this.”
Has your Boomer grandparent or parent dropped by your house without checking in first? Or maybe you’re the parent or grandparent, and you’re surprised that your child or grandchild is surprised? It’s a generational thing. “In many Boomer neighborhoods, neighbors walked in freely, and visits did not always require planning ahead,” Dr. Saidi explains. “Millennials value privacy and emotional prep time. ‘Just stopping by’ can feel intrusive or like an ambush.”
4. Prioritizing work loyalty over work-life balance
Do you give 110% to your work, or do you find more value in work-life balance? That answer may tell you if you’re a Boomer or a Millennial.“Many Boomers grew up during an era where long hours were linked to job security, and sacrifice was like a badge of honor,” Dr. Saidi says. “Millennials value mental health and efficiency. They see overworking as unhealthy, outdated and not admirable.”Related: The #1 Money Concern Millennials Bring Up in Therapy, According to Therapists
While there is still much room to grow, younger generations have challenged gender roles, like the idea that a man and woman get married, then the man goes to work and the woman stays home to cook and clean. Many Boomers, however, embrace that "traditional" viewpoint.“Boomers have pretty traditional ideas of gender roles, and they are not super open-minded about things being different,” Dr. Hoffman says. “This could be because this is how Boomers grew up, and the context is different now, but Millennials have a very different approach.”
6. Relying heavily on paper
There are two kinds of people: technology people and paper-and-pen people.“Paper was the safest and most reliable form of documentation,” Dr. Saidi explains. “Boomers never relied on devices and apps, but rather paper checks, printed directions and physical paperwork.” Millennials tend to see paper as slow, inefficient and outdated. “For example, why bring a checkbook when one can use the Venmo app in five seconds?” Dr. Saidi says.
You may have seen infographics showing how much a home was worth “back in the day” versus now. Or maybe you’ve seen Boomer memes where older adults talked about walking “two miles in the snow” to get to school. These are illustrations of this social habit, and Dr. Hoffman shares another one.“For example, they might say that they never had to deal with a tough child because theirs was ‘so easy,’” she says. “They fail to recognize the different context of parenting these days, and they can’t really understand why it might be different/harder (different expectations, more scrutiny, etc.).”
8. Expecting small talk everywhere
Engaging in small talk is yet another social habit that’s viewed in very different lights by different generations. “For Boomers, polite small talk was a universal social experience: at stores, the post office, banks and on neighbors’ front porches,” Dr. Saidi says. “However, Millennials may interpret small talk as unnecessary or awkward, as they value efficiency.”
9. Making comments about people’s appearance
Maybe you’ve heard a Boomer talk about how someone “gained weight” or how their dress “looked cheap.” That’s what we’re talking about here. “Millennials see this as judgmental and unkind, whereas Boomers grew up with a stronger emphasis on appearance and self-worth based on this,” Dr. Hoffman explains. “They don’t realize the impact it has had on Millennials, who are trying to unlearn these perspectives.”
How to Better Understand Different Generations Than You
When it comes to interacting with someone of a different generation or perspective, the solution is straightforward: try to understand where they're coming from.“Understanding the ‘why’ behind someone’s habits creates compassion,” Dr. Saidi says. “It is important to swap judgment for curiosity and to try and learn from one another’s communication norms.”Communication and context can help you get there. “They can ask questions, ask for stories and really listen to answers,” Dr. Hoffman says. “Boomers and Millennials can learn to appreciate the different perspectives that each brings, and that neither is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’; in fact, it is all based on context.”Up Next:
Related: 7 Common Gaslighting Phrases Boomers Use With Their Adult Children, Psychologists Say
Sources
Dr. Crystal Saidi, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Irvine, CA, who specializes in family conflict, anxiety and coping skills.Dr. Elana Hoffman, PhD, is a clinical psychologist.Age Groups, USC LibrariesHence then, the article about 9 social habits boomers have that younger generations find confusing according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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