Psychologists Warn: 8 Signs You're Actually Too Critical of Your Partner ...Saudi Arabia

When you're in an intimate relationship, there are bound to be times when you have to offer constructive feedback. Honesty can help you repair and grow as a couple. However, there's such a thing as too much criticism, and it can spell trouble for a relationship."Excess criticism is one of the biggest predictors of a relationship ending," says Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with recovered.org. "Recognizing its toxic presence in your relationship and changing course could save you from ruining something you value, and bring more happiness and harmony to you both."Now, to be clear, the criticism may come from a well-meaning place."When you care about someone, you might think that pointing out their mistakes or giving constant feedback will help them grow or improve the relationship," says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "However,  when criticism shows up too often, it can slowly chip away at emotional trust."Understanding the signs you're being too critical of your partner lets you draw better lines between "constructive feedback" and "constant negativity." Psychologists share the red flags that you're overly critical of your partner and what to do next.Related: 'I’m a Psychologist—Here’s the #1 Reason You Might Need Marriage Counseling'

8 Signs You're Too Critical of Your Partner, Psychologists Warn

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No one is perfect, but constantly pointing out flaws and missteps can make your partner feel like they're not up to snuff. That truly hurts, especially if your partner was going out of their way to show their love for you."Over time, this makes them feel like their efforts do not matter, and that nothing they do will be good enough," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.Another psychologist agrees."When you are focusing on the negatives or mistakes instead of celebrating your partner's strength, it will make them feel inadequate," says Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D.,a licensed clinical psychologist.

2. You correct them in everyday conversations

Conversations about dinner, current events and last year's vacation can turn into an editing session when you're too critical of your partner."You may jump in to fix small details or retell their story the 'right' way," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "It might feel harmless to you, but it can make your partner feel dismissed, embarrassed or like their voice is not valued."

Your partner may seem more closed off and engage less with you if they feel you're too critical."Your partner has learned that talking to you will only lead to arguing about what they did wrong," says Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. "They find peace in silence."When they do talk to you, your partner may engage in water-cooler discourse without any depth."Relationships usually involve a blend of funny, lighthearted conversations and more serious ones," she says. "However, a person involved with their biggest critic will circumvent anything resembling depth."

4. No issue is too small for you

Life is full of mountains and molehills. However, people who are too critical of their partners only see the mountains (even if they're actually molehills, like putting the cap back on the toothpaste or installing the toilet paper a certain way)."In healthy relationships, you can see things as wrong or as different from the way you would do it without turning it into an attack," Dr. Vinall shares.Related: People With ‘Control Issues’ Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists

People may notice, whether directly or subtly, if you're constantly disapproving of your partner."Friends and family might ask why you are so abrasive toward your partner," Dr. Leno says. "They believe your behavior is unwarranted."Sometimes, people may send you a message through body language that it's uncomfortable being around you with your partner."No one enjoys being around negativity, constant criticism or bickering," Dr. Vinall says. "If other couples begin to shy away, it could be that your patterns of criticism toward your partner are the problem."

6. You view your partner as 'having potential'

It's a backhanded compliment. "While this might sound generous, a healthy relationship means accepting one another in all your imperfections, just as you are," Dr. Vinall says. "While never accepting abusive behavior, healthy relationships view imperfections as lovable—or at least acceptable—quirks, rather than faults to fix."

Dr. Leno shares that people who criticize their partners too much make comments that can stunt their growth and make them feel slighted when they do achieve something."Instead of cheering them on, you help them consider the obstacles," she shares. "Yet, they notice how you encourage and celebrate everyone else. Instead of congratulating them after a major win, you remind them that there is more work to do."

8. You're too hard on yourself

Plot twist?"Perhaps surprisingly, criticism does not necessarily mean you think you are better than your partner," Dr. Vinall says. "It is likely you have internalized a negative voice that has become a constant stream of put-downs. You don't feel good about yourself, either, and you're just sharing the misery with your partner."Related: 'Am I the Problem?' A Relationship Therapist Shares 7 Warning Signs

Dr. Schiff shares that it's important to reflect on your own emotions and motivations before providing your partner with feedback."Ask if your comment is truly helpful or if it is coming from a place of frustration, perfectionism or stress," Dr. Schiff suggests. "This pause can prevent you from reacting from a critical place and create space for communication that is more compassionate."

2. Balance feedback with genuine appreciation

This one is huge in towing a healthy line between constructive feedback that supports growth (of both of you as individuals and as a couple) and constant criticism. "Make an effort to acknowledge their efforts, strengths and positives," Dr. Schiff says. "If positive reinforcement is consistent, your partner will feel seen, appreciated and valued, which can reduce the negative impact of occasional critiques."

3. Seek help

Patterns are hard to break, especially alone."Talk to a therapist to explore the underlying reasons," Dr. Leno suggests. "Some of our actions are so deeply rooted that we need a professional or neutral party to help us process and make sense of them. Doing so may help you feel happier, less stressed, and more compatible with your partner."Up Next:

Related: 8 Signs of Doing the 'Bare Minimum' in a Relationship, According to Psychologists

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