Hosting a party is a lot of work, especially around the holidays. From cooking and cleaning to decorating, there are always a million and one things to do before your guests show up. But while you're busy planning all the practical elements of a festive soirée, don't forget to consider the social responsibilities you're about to take on. Seasoned hosts have an effortless way of making their guests feel comfortable without overdoing it, and emotionally intelligent hosts also know to avoid certain behaviors during gatherings."Approaching hosting with a sense of emotional intelligence and preparedness can make a significant difference in how we get through holiday gatherings, not just in one piece, but as an emotionally whole person," says Matthew Solit, LMSW, the North Division Executive Clinical Director of LifeStance Health. "By using emotional intelligence to avoid common points of conflict or stress, people can have fulfilling and lower-stress holiday gatherings."After all, you want your guests to rave about the food and music at your party, but you also want them to walk away feeling refreshed rather than emotionally drained.Whether you're new to hosting or you've been planning parties for years, there's always room for improvement. To help simplify the process, Parade reached out to Solit and a psychiatrist to better understand how to become a more emotionally intelligent host. Below, we're sharing their tips.Related: 12 Emotionally Intelligent Ways To Handle Passive-Aggressive Comments at Holiday Gatherings
We toss the term "emotional intelligence" around a lot, but have you ever stopped and wondered what its actual definition is? "Emotional intelligence [EI] is our awareness, management, understanding and healthy expression of our emotions and others'," Solit explains.There's also another important layer to EI."Additionally, it is an understanding of how our emotional states impact others, and how their emotional states impact us. It is a key part of healthy interactions with others in our social, professional and family lives," he adds.Dr. Nona Kocher, a board-certified psychiatrist based in Miami, FL, says emotional intelligence can be put into practice in several ways."It can look like labeling emotions with precision, taking a breath before reacting, understanding the impact of your tone of voice and repairing when you’ve responded inappropriately," Dr. Kocher says. "Someone who is emotionally intelligent might be able to hold the tension of opposing feelings, read subtle social cues and speak in a way that leaves relationships in better shape."Related: 12 Things Emotionally Intelligent Women Do That the Average Person Avoids, Psychologists Say
The Telltale Signs of an Emotionally Intelligent Host
When you're attending a party, there are a few ways to identify an emotionally intelligent host."Telltale signs of an emotionally intelligent host are that they are flexible, self-aware and communicative. They are not 'freaking out,' but are able to ask for help when they need it. They are attuned to their emotional state and its effect on their guests and the event," Solit explains. "Stressed-out hosts have stressed-out guests, while hosts who are having a great time have guests who are having a great time."Put simply, an emotionally intelligent host behaves the way they want their guests to feel. "Emotionally intelligent hosts are understanding or attentive to the reasonable needs of their guests," he shares. "They accept that things will not usually go to plan but still have fun anyway. They have fun with the inevitable hiccups and don’t they don’t let perfection be the enemy of a good time. They are aware that their emotional state is infectious to their guests, for better or for worse."Related: Psychologists Warn: These 9 Common Family Habits Make Holiday Stress So Much Worse
9 Things Emotionally Intelligent Hosts Avoid Doing, According to a Psychiatrist
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It's a host's job to make their guests feel welcome, but that doesn't mean you should hover over everyone."Pressuring someone to 'eat more' or 'join in' can feel intrusive, even if it's meant kindly," Dr. Kocher says. "A considerate host respects personal boundaries and allows guests to choose their comfort level. This makes the environment feel freer and more welcoming. Guests remember how good it feels to have their preferences honored."
Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging Hosts of Holiday Parties to Not Forget About This One Thing
2. They never ignore someone who seems isolated or overwhelmed
During big gatherings, people naturally tend to break off into small groups. These intimate conversations can be rewarding for those who are involved in them, but can leave others flying solo. "It's easy to miss the quiet person off to the side, but a host who's paying attention usually notices when someone isn't blending in. A quick, casual 'Hey, you doing alright?' can mean a lot to someone who's having a rough time," Dr. Kocher says. "They get the sense that someone actually sees them, but without being dragged into the spotlight. That tiny bit of kindness can be the thing that turns the night around for them."Related: If You Feel Lonely Even Around People You Love, Psychologists Say To Ditch These 16 Habits
On the scale of Grinch to Mariah Carey, everyone falls somewhere different on the holiday cheer spectrum. If you're hosting a party this season, be prepared to welcome guests who experience and interact with the holidays in different ways."Expecting others to feel the holiday magic the same way you do is a recipe for disappointment and missed expectations," Solit shares. "Let your guests experience holidays in a way that makes them happy and at ease. It’s everyone’s holiday, not just yours."He suggests asking guests ahead of time if there's anything you can do or provide as a host so they enjoy themselves. Doing so can help meet them at their comfort level.
4. They never let conflict escalate or linger in the room
In an ideal world, everyone in your family would get along. But life isn't like an episode of The Brady Bunch. If you're getting together with family members who have a tendency to argue, keeping a close eye on the conversation is an important part of your role as a host."Tense moments can spread through a room fast and make everyone stiffen up," Dr. Kocher explains. "A host who's paying attention usually catches the signs early and nudges the conversation, or the people involved, into something calmer. That quiet bit of guidance keeps the disagreement from taking over the whole gathering."Related: 8 Phrases To Shut Down Conflict That Instantly Make You Sound Classy
As a host, your job is to help everyone feel at ease, so it's important to resist the urge to crack jokes at someone else's expense."An emotionally intelligent host would not make a joke or further point out an awkward moment that a person has, such as spilling a drink or dropping food," Dr. Kocher says. "Instead, a thoughtful host would take steps to help the moment quickly fade. This helps keep the mood light and guests comfortable."Related: If Holiday Visits Leave You Drained, These 10 ‘Emotionally Intelligent’ Boundaries Help—Especially for Women Over 50
6. They never monopolize conversations or steer everything back to themselves
A host should certainly help keep the discussion going, but nobody likes a conversation hog."When a host dominates the room, it makes others feel like their stories don't matter. A thoughtful host knows that sharing the conversational space invites everyone to feel more connected," Dr. Kocher shares. "Guests walk away feeling included rather than overshadowed. That sense of belonging can completely shift the tone of a gathering."
The holidays are always hectic, and many of us have a laundry list of friends and family members to visit in a short amount of time. So if you're hosting a party, Solit says it's important to accept that your guests might need to leave early to make the rounds."People don’t feel as comfortable when they feel like captives at a get-together," he shares. "LifeStance Health’s recent study about stress during the holidays showed that 75% of respondents say at least some of their planned holiday gatherings feel more like obligations than something they truly wanted to attend. Don’t make it an obligation, but something that people feel comfortable attending and comfortable leaving at the right time for them."
8. They should never expect a holiday event to go exactly as planned
Life is unpredictable, so you may picture the party one way in your head and experience it another way in reality. Heading into the event, accepting that it doesn't have to be perfect can help you become a better host."An adage says, 'Plans only last until the battle begins,' and while I certainly hope your holiday plans don’t include a battle, flexibility and an ability to roll with the unexpected are key," Solit shares. "Getting stuck on one thing going awry can bring you down for an evening. Expectations frequently don’t match outcomes, so it pays to accept that not everything will go perfectly and just roll with it. "
9. They should never overindulge in alcoholic beverages while hosting
Pouring a glass of wine while you prepare for your guests to arrive can certainly help you transition into party mode, but Solit says you shouldn't overdo it. "It’s tough enough to host guests stone [cold] sober, let alone intoxicated," the therapist says, adding that drinking too much as a host can be a "slippery slope."Related: How To Set Boundaries Around Gift-Giving Without Sounding Rude, According to Psychologists
Nobody becomes the hostess with the mostest overnight, but you can hone your emotional intelligence in the following ways:
Go slow: "Take things one step at a time and set reasonable expectations. Accept that things will not go as planned," Solit says. Don't forget to have fun: "If you’re having a great time, your guests will have one too. As a host, embody the emotions that you want your guests to feel," he shares.Remember the little details: Dr. Kocher says emotionally intelligent hosts learn to pay attention to everything. "They remember the little details—who abstains from drinking, who is vegetarian — and quietly accommodate," the expert says.Don't put too much pressure on yourself: "Emotionally intelligent hosts are not focused on making lasting memories or ensuring the continuation of traditions. They focus on having good fun, good conversations, and good company, starting with themselves," Solit explains.Express your gratitude for guests: "After the event, a quick and genuine follow-up leaves guests feeling special," Dr. Kocher says.Up Next:
Related: How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays Again: Psychologists Share 13 Strategies That Work for Women Over 50
Sources:
Matthew Solit, LMSW, North Division Executive Clinical Director of LifeStance Health.Dr. Nona Kocher, board-certified psychiatrist based in Miami, FL.Hence then, the article about 9 things emotionally intelligent hosts never do during holiday gatherings was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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