Raising a child is incredibly rewarding, but it can also be challenging, especially when it comes to understanding what they’re truly feeling. After all, children are constantly learning, growing and developing the skills that they need to communicate and navigate their emotions, which means their behaviors don’t always match what’s going on inside of them. Because of this, what may look like one thing can actually be a child’s way of coping with stress, confusion or emotional overload. But even though that's how they're dealing with something, it doesn't mean it's healthy. That's why child psychologists are begging parents and grandparents to never to a blind eye to 11 coping mechanisms, specifically.Thanks to child psychologists Dr. Jasmine Narayan, PsyD,Dr. Rachel Fein and Claire Lerner, LCSW-C, we're diving deeper into what that looks like. They not only cover which coping mechanisms you shouldn't ignore, but they also explain what coping mechanisms are, the differences between healthy and harmful coping strategies and how you can support children who are relying on unhealthy ones. Additionally, they provide practical tips for parents, caregivers and educators to foster resilience, promote emotional regulation and encourage children to adopt positive ways of managing stress.By understanding these coping tactics, adults can better recognize early warning signs and guide children toward methods that nurture long-term mental and emotional well-being. It's time to start learning, take action and help the children in your life build healthy emotional resilience that they can carry for a lifetime.Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Responses
When life gets overwhelming, everyone develops ways to manage difficult feelings and stressful situations. These strategies often help us regain a sense of control, even if we aren’t fully aware of them."Simply put, coping mechanisms are the ways that any person handles stress, big emotions or challenging life transitions/situations," Dr. Narayan explains. "We all have them. They are the strategies we use, consciously or unconsciously, to help feel safe or in control when something is too overwhelming to manage."
11 Coping Mechanisms That Parents and Grandparents Shouldn't Ignore, According to Child Psychologists
"Kids develop all kinds of ways to protect themselves from overwhelming emotions and some of these coping mechanisms can look harmless at first," Dr. Narayan points out. "But when any behavior becomes a child’s main way of coping, it is a sign that a child is struggling internally and needs more support."Dr. Fein agrees. "These strategies can offer temporary relief, but they don’t build long-term resilience and can become harmful over time," she adds. "Below are common patterns parents and grandparents should be aware of and never ignore."Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 12 Behaviors
When children feel overwhelmed or unable to express what they’re experiencing, their emotions can sometimes come out in unexpected ways."Some children externalize distress by doing things like hitting, kicking and throwing objects," Dr. Fein says.She explains that if you see your child or grandchild doing this, it's not something you should ignore, as it can become dangerous. Instead, it's something that needs to be addressed. "When kids don’t have the skills to explain what they’re feeling, this can be a common coping mechanism," she shares.
2. 'Numbing out' with devices
Many kids turn to screens as a quick escape, but when device use becomes a way to avoid difficult feelings, it can signal a deeper emotional struggle."When a child retreats to screen time to avoid feeling bored, sad or anxious, it may be a sign they’re using technology to disconnect from emotions," reveals Dr. Narayan. "Occasional screen time is normal, but constant scrolling, zoning out or gaming for hours can become a form of emotional escape, instead of a child learning how to work through their emotions."Related: This Is the #1 Screen Time Mistake for Toddlers, Parenting Expert Warns
"Nail-biting and lip-picking often signal a child is stressed, and while they may look uncomfortable to us, they are soothing to the child and coping mechanisms," Lerner explains. "It’s important not to ignore these behaviors if they are persistent, because they can be harmful, physically to a child, but also because a child needs help to reduce their stress."So how can a guardian help with this coping method?"It requires tuning in to your child’s experience and identifying what is causing them stress, while reducing any causes you have control over and providing them tools to cope with stressors that can’t be made to go away," Lerner explains.
4. Shutting down or going emotionally blank
Sometimes children respond to being emotionally overwhelmed by withdrawing inward, making it difficult for adults to recognize just how distressed they actually are."Some kids cope by going quiet or expressionless when upset," Dr. Narayan tells Parade. "They may appear calm, but inside they’re overwhelmed and have learned that it’s safer to disconnect from their feelings rather than express them. A child who learns to shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism might struggle with communication or relationships later in life if it's not pointed out."
"Every child develops coping skills as a natural and expected part of growing up, as children are not born knowing how to regulate their emotions," Dr. Fein says. Due to this, older kids might turn to substances to deal with tough emotions and situations."Some older children and teens may experiment with substances as a misguided way to numb uncomfortable feelings or to fit in socially when they feel overwhelmed, and if you notice this coping mechanism, you shouldn't ignore it because it could be life-threatening," she shares.
6. Laughing or refusing to make eye contact
If you notice that your child or grandchild starts acting strangely or demonstrating certain behaviors when you are talking to them, one expert says this is another coping method that shouldn't be ignored."When children are laughing, refusing to make eye contact, running away from you, covering their ears or getting hostile and angry when you are trying to talk to them about their misbehavior, these things can be a coping mechanism," Lerner reveals. "These evasive responses often signal that the child is flooded with shame—a very overwhelming and uncomfortable emotion that is hard to sit with and tolerate (for kids and adults)."And while these management methods might seem like your child is just being rude, it's their way of dealing with things to help themselves feel safe."These are all coping mechanisms that provide protection and relief from a flood of difficult emotions—to stop you from saying things that make them uncomfortable," she shares. "They are things parents should not ignore as it's a missed opportunity to help your child cope with difficult feelings and experiences, and to learn that they are still a good person even when they make a poor choice."
While having mental health days and alone time is something everyone needs from time to time, Dr. Narayan mentions that it can be a cause for concern. Plus, being too isolated isn't healthy."When a child is pulling away from friends, family or favorite activities, this can be an important signal that they are emotionally struggling," she explains, noting that this is a coping mechanism caregivers shouldn't ignore.Related: 7 Signs Someone Feels ‘Emotionally Isolated,’ Even Around Loved Ones, According to a Psychologist
8. Showing unhealthy eating patterns
"Food can become a coping tool that parents and grandparents might not instantly notice," Dr. Fein tells Parade. "Children might do this either by overeating to self-soothe, or they may restrict food to feel a sense of control."If this coping mechanism is ignored, it can lead to eating disorders down the road.
One more coping mechanism experts say you shouldn't ignore? Striving to be "perfect.""This is often a way to gain control and mastery over uncomfortable feelings like anxiety, uncertainty or a fear of making mistakes," Dr. Narayan states. "However, perfectionism is not a healthy goal because a child can lose sight of the importance of the process when it becomes a coping mechanism."Related: 10 Traits of Parents Who Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids, According to Psychologists
10. Overly compliant behavior
While it’s easy to overlook a child who seems well-behaved, excessive compliance can sometimes be a subtle signal that they’re coping with internal stress or emotional discomfort."Parents and grandparents often only pay attention to the child who seems to be coping badly, for example, having emotional outbursts and behavioral issues," Dr. Narayan shares. "However, loved ones should always keep an eye out for children who are seen as 'good' and 'well-behaved,' as well."Why is that? She tells Parade that it can be a sign that they are dealing with something much deeper."People-pleasing could be a sign of a child trying to cope with fear of rejection or conflict," she notes.
Sometimes, even things that start off as healthy can become dangerous. However, parents and grandparents might not notice them because they could assume a child is just really invested in a hobby."Things like sports, exercising, eating healthy or focusing on wellness can start off healthy, but turn into rigid coping mechanisms," Dr. Narayan says. "When these habits become about control, perfection or a way to avoid difficult feelings rather than genuine self-care, it’s a red flag and something that family members shouldn't ignore."
"Coping mechanisms are like emotional signals that tell us how a child is managing their inner world," Dr. Narayan explains. "When adults overlook or dismiss those signals, children can feel unseen or unsupported."And, these management methods can "harden into long-term patterns that can come about in their life as an adult," the longer they continue these mechanisms, she shares."For example, a child who learns to shut down emotionally might struggle with communication or relationships later in life, or a child who relied on people-pleasing may struggle with boundaries later in life," she continues.Though it's not all bad. Dr. Fein explains that these signs can be blessings if you don't ignore them."The good news is that although unhealthy coping skills can be concerning, they still communicate important information," she tells Parade. "These behaviors often serve as signals that a child is experiencing something bigger than they can manage alone. When adults overlook these signs, children may feel misunderstood or unsupported, which canraise their stress levels and intensify the very behaviors that worry caregivers in the first place. However, unhealthy coping skills also represent missed teaching moments. Ignoring them prevents children from learning emotional literacy and resilience."Related: 7 Things a Trauma-Informed Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Doing ASAP
How To Help Kids Who Have Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
"With guidance and practice, children can gradually replace unhealthy patterns with coping skills that strengthen their overall emotional well-being," Dr. Fein expresses.Below are a few suggestions from our experts.
1. Try to connect
"Children thrive when they feel safe and connected to supportive loved ones," Dr. Narayan tells Parade. "One of the best ways to connect with a child is to spend time with them doing something they love."How can you implement this?"Put away distractions for 15-30 minutes and be present," she explains. "Let them take the lead in choosing an activity to enjoy together."Related: Parents and Grandparents Who Raise Independent Kids Often Do These 6 Things, According to a Child Psychologist
"The best way to support a child who may be relying on unhealthy coping strategies is to be present, patient and willing to listen to your child," Dr. Fein says.Dr. Narayan agrees. "It is important to remember that a child’s unhealthy coping mechanism did not develop overnight, so changing it will take time and patience," she shares. "And before you can help, you must understand how and why this coping mechanism is working for them. This is where curiosity comes in."She explains that there are ways you can bring it up that will encourage your child or grandchild to open up to you."To bring it up, you can say things like, 'I’ve noticed you seem less interested in [you insert habit here], I wonder what’s going on?’ or 'Tell me what you enjoy about this video game/ YouTuber.' You can even use a phrase like, 'I wonder if playing this game helps take your mind off things when you’re stressed?' or 'It seems like you’ve been trying really hard to get everything perfect lately. That must feel like a lot of pressure.'"
3. Create emotional safety
One of the most healing things a parent or grandparent can do is to be a child’s emotional "safe place." "Being a 'safe place' means your child knows that all feelings are welcome—sadness, anger, fear, frustration—and that expressing those feelings won’t lead to shame, scolding or punishment," Dr. Narayan points out. "When a child believes they’ll be met with understanding instead of criticism, they learn that emotions aren’t dangerous. They then start to trust that it’s okay to talk about what’s hard instead of hiding it. Over time, that safety helps them replace unhealthy coping habits, like shutting down or acting out, with healthier ones, like talking or seeking connection."
"Children learn from watching how their loved ones react or respond to situations," Dr. Narayan reveals. "When parents and grandparents model healthy ways of managing stress, frustration or disappointment, kids quietly absorb those patterns." This, of course, means that, if you already don't have healthy management methods, you have to work on that, too. But it can only benefit everyone in the long run."So, let your child see you pause to take a deep breath before reacting, step outside for a few minutes when you’re overwhelmed or say out loud, 'I’m feeling really frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a break and calm down before we keep talking,'" she shares. "These small moments show kids that big feelings can be handled calmly and safely."
5. Seek support
"Caregivers should always remember that they don’t have to do this alone," Dr. Fein tells Parade. "If they feel in over their head when it comes to navigating unhealthy coping skills, they should seek out the professional help of a qualified mental health provider."Dr. Narayan seconds that."If a child’s coping behaviors are intense, prolonged or interfere with daily life, connecting with a child therapist can help both you and your child develop healthier patterns," she adds.Up Next:
Related: 7 Things 'Magic-Making' Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Jasmine Narayan, PsyD, is a child psychologist.Dr. Rachel Fein is a child psychologist and Board-Certified Behavior Analyst.Claire Lerner, LCSW-C, is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist and child development specialist.Hence then, the article about child psychologists are begging parents and grandparents to never turn a blind eye to these 11 coping mechanisms was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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