Psychologists Warn: These 9 Common Family Habits Make Holiday Stress So Much Worse ...Saudi Arabia

Like chocolate chips in your Gram's famous cookies, "tradition" is baked into the holiday season. Yet, it's something of an open secret that "stress" is the real holiday tradition for many families."Holidays are hectic, in part, because we are trying to do all the things and make all the memories," explains Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., LP, a psychologist with Veritas Psychology. "We often have Hallmark-movie-sized expectations, which can serve to amplify the patterns you already have."Certain "traditions" can put you on autopilot during the holidays, like one person always hosting. The goal is to cruise through the season like it's Santa's sleigh. However, Dr. MacBride shares that these family habits trigger stress because they don't leave any room for turbulence someone may be experiencing, such as financial problems stemming from a layoff."Expectations get out of control," she says. "This is a holiday recipe of the worst kind: Resentment."So, this year, start a new tradition to ditch the cookie-cutter approach to the "-ber" months and these nine family habits that make holiday stress so much worse.Related: 9 Things ‘Slow-Living’ Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists

9 Habits That Make Holiday Stress Worse for Families, According to Psychologists

1. Poor communication

Communication is a pillar of any strong relationship. Some families struggle to communicate year-round, while others notice it breaks down amid the holiday hustle."Failing to clearly state expectations and boundaries can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. Don't expect everyone to read your mind," shares Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, a psychologist and the owner of Phoenix Health. "Proactive communication is key here." 

"Repeating rigid traditions out of obligation can make families miss opportunities to adapt to changing circumstances or new family needs," shares Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist.Hot take: Traditions can be broken or go on a hiatus. Families who make a habit of adhering to traditions just because they always do it often feel more stressed."Traditions are an important part of the season, but if they don’t work well this year, maybe that’s okay," Dr. MacBride says. "The tradition itself isn’t making the holidays magical. You are. Your attitude, enthusiasm and the intention to make the season special—not some parade, followed by an ugly sweater contest and midnight cookie baking."

3. Food pressure

Making dinner a members-only affair for people in the clean plate club is a surefire recipe for alienating some loved ones."Some worry about breaking their diet during the holidays," says Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. "You may be challenged to find the balance between indulging and maintaining healthy eating habits."Related: 4 Food-Related Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying

Money is a loaded topic. Finances can be at the root of family habits that make holiday stress so much worse."Some of us really struggle to talk honestly about money, especially when family budgets are different," Dr. MacBride explains. "Our own relationship with money and budgets can get really sticky when we interact with the budgets and money relationships in other families."She shares that family habits, such as those around gift-giving, can cause resentment to grow faster than money in a high-yield savings account.

5. Role lock-in

The holidays can lead us to play specific roles, and we're not talking about the soprano and alto when caroling. "The same person cooks, hosts, buys, wraps, organizes travel and smooths ruffled feathers every year," Dr. MacBride says. "Chronic over-functioning breeds burnout and resentment. It’s often an amplification of daily patterns."She suggests delegating or deciding to do less."Honestly, if it’s that important to others, they will help take it on, and if it’s not that important to them, why are you really doing it at all?" she points out.

Perfect gets thrown around more than snowballs during the holiday season, and Dr. Guarnotta refuses to warm up to the unattainable standard."Trying to have the 'perfect' family holiday sets unrealistic expectations, which can lead to disappointment," she says. "When you're dealing with a family consisting of multiple people with different personalities and dynamics, it's nearly impossible for everything to go smoothly."Dr. MacBride adds that these dynamics often get passed down like a pie recipe."Parents often transfer their own nostalgia or unmet needs onto their kids, trying to recreate a 'perfect Christmas morning' or 'happy family dinner' from memory or a Norman Rockwell painting," she notes. "When reality doesn’t match the ideal version that was imagined, disappointment hits hard."Related: People Who Grew Up With Conflict ‘Swept Under the Rug’ Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

7. Neglecting self-care

Speaking of expectation projections: Some families may make a holiday habit of expecting everyone to forego self-care in the name of merriment. The results are anything but merry."Neglecting self-care... always backfires because if you are sacrificing rest, exercise or alone time, you will be more irritable and reactive," Dr. Schiff says. "This amplifies tension rather than closeness."

There's a greater awareness that "blood" doesn't always make someone "family." Still, the idea exists and gets amplified during the holidays. As a result, Dr. Leno says people feel pressured to pretend ruptures don't exist. The act is stressful and can make problems worse."Relationship discord is heavy enough, and showing up with plastered smiles can really weigh you down," she states. "Pretending may leave you feeling exhausted by the end of the day."On that note...

9. Avoiding difficult conversations

One way to avoid plastering on smiles is to have difficult conversations. Yet, some families have rules against said discussions."Families tend to set rules like no politics, no conflict, no 'heavy' topics," Dr. MacBride reports. "Forced conversations and expectations can create more pressure than the topics themselves."Dr. Guarnotta suggests ripping the Band-Aid off."Facing issues head-on, even if it's uncomfortable, is more productive," she explains.That said, realistic expectations set the stage for success when it comes to conflict resolution. Holiday miracles are probably off the table."Healthy families don’t need to avoid disagreement," Dr. MacBride explains. "They need boundaries around how they disagree. The goal isn’t to resolve lifelong differences between pie and coffee. It’s to practice respectful dialogue."Related: Here’s How To Set Boundaries in Every Area of Your Life—and Actually Stick to Them

Psychologists suggest scheduling downtime to lower stress during the holiday season."The holidays are very busy, often leaving little time to just relax and enjoy one another," Dr. Guarnotta says. "I recommend actually scheduling downtime in your calendar and having no expectations. This helps take off the pressure and gives everyone an opportunity to reset."Dr. Schiff suggests setting aside time every week to slow down and reflect."These pauses reset the nervous system and bring everyone back to what the holidays are really about," she points out.Up Next:

Related: How To Deal With a Narcissistic Parent, According to Psychologists

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