Dear Abby: She told me her secret, and it might end our friendship ...Middle East

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who, I think, needs help.

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She’s a loving and caring mother, wife, teacher and friend. Because her husband has health issues, she retired early to be at home to care for him.

She recently confided to me that they haven’t been intimate in almost 20 years and that two years ago she started a romantic relationship with a man she knew. She says they both lack physical affection in their marriages and came together to fill that void.

I was shocked and disappointed. Why would she risk everything for a roll in the hay?

How do I remain a supportive friend when I disagree philosophically with what she’s doing? She knows I don’t condone her actions, and we haven’t discussed the issue since she told me.

— DISAPPOINTED FRIEND IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR FRIEND: You describe this woman as a loving, caring mother, wife and friend. Her husband may have been impotent for the past 20 years. It is possible to be a supportive friend without passing judgment on her predicament, and that is what I recommend you do. If you would prefer she not discuss her affair with you, tell her that.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to try to understand something. Whatever happened to common courtesy?

When did it become acceptable to ignore a friend’s phone call, text or email? And to all those people out there who cancel plans with their friends (and you know who you are) simply because you “received a better offer,” this is rude!

What are your thoughts on this?

— DISPOSED IN CANADA

DEAR DISPOSED: Truthfully, I think that if either happens more than once, it’s time to reconsider how close these people really are to you and plan accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I often see ads about stopping smoking. I’d like to share my story of success in overcoming this filthy habit in the hope that it may help someone else.

I smoked four packs of non-filtered cigarettes every day. At the age of 37, I knew I wanted to quit. I set a goal to stop one month away, and on that day, cold turkey went into action.

I’m almost 86 now and have had no desire to smoke again since that day.

People, be brave. Be strong and follow through. I hope this will help someone else to live long.

— FREE IN WEST VIRGINIA

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DEAR FREE: Congratulations. You are fortunate that your heavy smoking didn’t cause health problems for you later in life. I’m pleased that going “cold turkey” worked so well for you. Today, products are available (gum, patches, etc.) to ease the discomfort of nicotine withdrawal.

For decades, the American Cancer Society has sponsored an event called the Great American Smokeout. The theory behind it is, if someone can refrain from smoking for one day, he or she can build upon that for two days, a week, a month, etc. Many former smokers have quit this way.

This year, the Smokeout is on Thursday, Nov. 20. I wish those of you who decide to give it a try good luck and good health.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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