Psychologists Say 'Emotionally Intelligent' Boomers Handle Family Conflict in These 11 Ways ...Saudi Arabia

In many families, members of the Boomer generation—people born between 1946 and 1964—are considered "family matriarchs and patriarchs." While age doesn't always bring wisdom, it can. Psychologists share that this knowledge can extend past knowing how to balance a checkbook, fix a leaky pipe and definitively answer their grandchild's 5,000 questions about birds. They can also have a lot of emotional intelligence, which is an important trait, especially during family conflicts."Emotional intelligence is... about being aware of what you’re feeling, knowing how those feelings influence your actions and being able to manage them in a healthy way," explains Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. He shares that people with high emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) are skilled at reading people's emotions and responding with empathy and care. Unsurprisingly, these traits come in clutch during heated moments and beyond."It allows you to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting out of anger or frustration," Dr. Lira de la Rosa. To learn from our elders, Parade spoke with three psychologists to discuss 11 ways emotionally intelligent Boomers handle family conflict. Since it's never too late to fine-tune your EI, they also share top tips for dealing with family feuds with care.Related: 8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say

"Emotional intelligence is a measure of self- and social-awareness," explains Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with Recovered.org. "It involves self-regulation, responsiveness to both your own and others' emotions and understanding of the connections between emotions and behavior. EI fosters responsiveness to social cues and effective navigation of social dynamics."Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy. D., a psychologist and the director of Comprehend the Mind, says the benefits of emotional intelligence include:

Better communicationStronger relationshipsImproved decision-makingGreater self-awarenessMore empathy for othersLeadership skillsLess conflict in personal and work lifeGreater adaptability to changeStronger sense of accountability

Related: 12 Things Emotionally Intelligent Women Do That the Average Person Avoids, Psychologists Say

Boomers and Emotional Intelligence

Boomers may have a leg up in emotional intelligence development for reasons beyond their age."Boomers grew up in a time when face-to-face interaction was the norm, so they had to read people and respond in real time," Dr. Hafeez shares. "You had to pick up on tone, body language and facial expressions to understand what someone really meant. That sharpened their ability to read emotional cues and respond appropriately."She adds that Boomers grew up during a time of social upheaval, including the Civil Rights movement, the Vietnam War and the second wave of feminism."Boomers had to confront conflicting opinions, recognize injustice and adapt to shifting social values," she adds. "This helped them learn to listen, consider other people’s feelings and see beyond their own experience."Related: 9 Things Boomers Do That Drive Their Adult Children Away, Psychologists Reveal

11 Ways Emotionally Intelligent Boomers Handle Family Conflict, According to Psychologists

Boomers have been keeping calm and carrying on before that line became a popular meme and T-shirt."Instead of snapping back, many Boomers keep their cool," Dr. Hafeez reports. "That shows emotional regulation because they’re not letting anger run the show, which helps prevent fights from spiraling."Related: 6 Toxic Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Notice Before Anyone Else, According to Psychologists

2. They take time to cool off before reacting

An emotionally intelligent Boomer may refrain from yelling during family fights. However, that doesn't mean they don't face temptation to raise their voices. They just fight it internally."Many Boomers have learned that walking away to think before responding helps prevent arguments from getting worse," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains.

Boomers with sky-high EI are perpetually listening."They’ll let someone speak their mind, even if they disagree," Dr. Hafeez explains. "That’s emotional intelligence at work, valuing understanding over winning an argument."

4. They don't phub (phone snub)

When Boomers with high emotional intelligence listen, they are actually listening. Dr. Vinall notes these Boomers will put away their phones and mute other distractions so they can hear others out during disagreements. It's actually refreshingly second-nature for them."Having spent most of their lives without smartphones and computers, Boomers have an easier time setting technology aside to devote their full attention to the person in front of them," she explains.Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This 'Rude' Habit During Phone Calls

Boomers wield the megaphone wisely when it's their turn to speak. They avoid engaging in mic-drop-style communication that may play well on the internet but not in real life with cherished family members."Rather than lashing out, they tend to pick thoughtful, respectful language," Dr. Hafeez explains. "This helps avoid triggering more conflict and shows self-awareness and empathy."

6. They bring up issues privately, not in front of everyone

Boomers know there's a time and place for conflict, and they're intentional about both."Boomers often wait for the right moment to talk, especially one-on-one," Dr. Hafeez explains. "That’s a smart way to reduce embarrassment or defensiveness and a sign they’re thinking about others’ emotions, not just their own."Related: The #1 Thing Baby Boomers Bring Up in Therapy, According to Licensed Therapists

Boomers with high emotional intelligence know that the best approach to some conflicts is not to engage in them at all."With experience comes perspective, and many Boomers understand that not every disagreement is worth pushing," Dr. Lira de la Rosa reports.

8. They look family members in the eye

Dr. Vinall shares that it remains crucial to look family members in the eye during conflicts (and good times too)."This comes more naturally to a generation that grew up with face-to-face versus online interactions, and goes far in increasing empathy toward the family member you are feeling friction toward," she states. "Eye contact signals that you are listening with full attention and allows you to fully see the other person, taking in the emotions registered on their face."Related: 12 Common Habits of People With High Emotional Intelligence, According to Psychologists

Emotionally intelligent Boomers have humility. They don't think it's "my way or the highway." Instead, they understand conflict resolution and communication are two-way streets, and they welcome it when younger family members want a lane. "Emotionally intelligent Boomers don't just dispense wisdom," Dr. Vinall explains. "They stop to understand the problem thoroughly so they know whether their ideas or experiences are relevant. This increases closeness and understanding and reduces friction."

10. They reflect on their role in the problem

People with high emotional intelligence know that no one is perfect, regardless of age or standing within a family."Owning your part shows maturity and self-awareness, two core parts of emotional intelligence," Dr. Hafeez states.Dr. Vinall agrees."Emotionally intelligent Boomers admit when they are wrong and apologize," she says. "No matter our age, we all mess up and say or do the wrong thing sometimes. The difference with emotionally intelligent Boomers is that they are willing to admit when they've done so. This humility smooths the path for repair and reconnection with family."Related: 5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead

Emotionally mature Boomers knew that repair after rupture was possible before social media parenting influencers put it on Instagram slides."They may focus on the bigger picture, keeping peace and staying connected," Dr. Hafeez notes. "That long-term thinking and emotional balancing act is a strong sign of emotional intelligence."Related: People Who Grew Up With Conflict ‘Swept Under the Rug’ Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

1. Pause regularly to check in with your own emotions

Families don't always agree or feel the same way. Taking a moment to pause and consider multiple perspectives (internally) can help you remain grounded in empathy during conflict. "Ask yourself, 'What am I feeling right now?'" Dr. Vinall suggests. "Be curious about the source of your feelings rather than assuming others are causing them and projecting your feelings on others."

"Try to focus on what the other person is saying rather than preparing your response," Dr. Lira de la Rosa advises. "This creates real connection and reduces defensiveness."Honestly? That's a bigger win than the glory of being "right" at the expense of a beloved family member deciding to go no or low-contact with you.

3. Ask more open-ended questions in tough conversations

Not everything is black and white, so open-ended questions that require more than a simple answer can be helpful during conflicts."Instead of saying, 'Why would you do that?' try 'Can you help me understand what you were thinking?'" Dr. Hafeez suggests. " This invites honesty and shows you’re willing to listen. It also builds trust, which makes people more open with you emotionally."Up Next:

Related: 7 Things Emotionally Intelligent Women Do When Someone Tries to Gaslight Them

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