Say what you like about famous people, but they know how to keep schtum. To date, none of the contestants on The Celebrity Traitors have divulged show secrets, or let slip spoilers. And thank God for that, because it allows us, the humble viewer, to keep tuning in each week with bated breath and no idea what will happen next.
But as for everyone else? Not so much. These days, any programme with a format involving voting people off tends to be ruined by those in the studio audience. Every single TV audience, it seems, is made up of the kind of people the police would love to get to know better: grasses. They couldn’t keep a secret if their life depended on it.
It has practically become a weekly ritual that someone within Strictly’s Saturday evening crowd will post on social media which couple have been voted out before Sunday night’s big reveal. The spoiler was particularly egregious this weekend, when it was leaked that Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink would be the fourth celeb to say goodbye to the dance floor – a shock, given he’s far from the worst dancer on the show and ended Saturday night comfortably in the middle of the leaderboard.
Last year, Channel 5’s Celebrity Big Brother was reportedly “thrown into chaos” after an audience member revealed who’d been ejected from the show before the channel could announce it for itself. Producers have operated under greater secrecy ever since.
An awkward moment for Taylor Swift on ‘The Graham Norton Show’ was edited out, but still made it into the papers (Photo: BBC/So Television/PA Media/Matt Crossick)It’s a problem for chat shows, too. Earlier this month, Taylor Swift was a guest on The Graham Norton Show to discuss her new album, The Life of a Showgirl. When the subject of her recent engagement to American football star Travis Kelce came up, a fellow guest, the actor Jodie Turner-Smith, asked Swift if she was planning on having children. Norton, aware of the unhelpful soundbite potency of this, immediately intervened. “That’s an off-camera conversation to have,” he said.
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This was sensibly cut in the show’s edit, not because it would have constituted a particularly illicit reveal, but simply because even very famous people should be permitted a private life, within which personal decisions can remain just that. And yet we know all about Turner-Smith’s enquiry. How? Because someone in the audience – a “source”, according to more than one subsequent news report – took to social media to tell us all about it.
What more proof, then, do we need that studio audiences are ruining television for the rest of us? We live in an era of 24-hour news. Every time we refresh our phones, we expect more – more insight, more revelation, another fleeting “exclusive”. A post on X or Facebook is swiftly picked up by the tabloids under the guise of “news”, and suddenly we know everything. Our addiction has made us impatient. The beast needs to be fed.
In the pre-internet age, an audience of people watching recordings of TV shows did bring with them an undeniable frisson. American sitcoms like Cheers – still broadcast every morning on Channel 4 – would even advertise that they were “filmed before a live studio audience”. This told us that their laughter was real, and that, therefore, the show was actually funny. “Funny”, as we know, is contagious.
‘The Celebrity Traitors’ proves that there’s nothing better than a well-kept TV secret (Photo: BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan Cherry)While most sitcoms don’t bother with studio audiences any more, it’s unlikely that those Saturday night entertainment shows could exist without them. Strictly would feel anaemic devoid of its excitable horde at the perimeter of the dancefloor, and Big Brother’s eviction night would be the dampest of squibs.
But as The Celebrity Traitors shows, nothing makes for quite such exciting TV as a big – and hitherto unknown – reveal. Were we to know upfront that, say, Scottish actor Mark Bonnar was about to be voted off, then it wouldn’t be half as fun to watch him flounce towards his exit as if he were Hamlet on a much bigger stage.
All this makes me want to plead with studio audiences everywhere to keep to the spirit in which the shows were made – to stay in the moment, and to keep secrets secret. I want to echo what all those flustered floor managers must tell them as they file in: “Quiet, please.”
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