Gaslighting is something that happens to way too many people. You probably know what it is, but in case you don't: Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic in which someone tries to make another person doubt their reality, perception and even their sanity. It can occur in romantic relationships, high-control groups, at work and even in the doctor’s office (AKA medical gaslighting). And while it can feel like a losing battle, having emotional intelligence can help someone handle gaslighting. “Emotional intelligence is our ability to recognize, understand and manage both our own emotions and the emotions of others,” explains Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, TEDx speaker and trainer, podcaster and author of Gaslighting Recovery for Women. “It’s not a fixed trait; it grows, contracts and adapts over time depending on our experiences.”It can be really easy to respond to gaslighting with your knee-jerk, emotional response. But that might not always be the best way to deal with a gaslighter. It is also most likely draining your energy. To help you save your sanity, Dr. Kelley shares how emotionally intelligent women respond to someone gaslighting them—along with tips, in case you aren’t quite there yet.Related: 12 Things Emotionally Intelligent Women Do That the Average Person Avoids, Psychologists Say
Emotionally intelligent women are more likely to know what gaslighting looks like, and they can calmly point it out. “They do this without escalating the conflict, using clarity instead of defensiveness,” Dr. Kelley clarifies. “Their goal isn’t to win, but to bring light to the behavior.”
2. They express their boundaries
After calling out the gaslighting, these women assert what is and isn’t okay to protect their mental health. “This sends a clear signal that manipulation won’t work,” Dr. Kelley says.Related: Here’s How To Set Boundaries in Every Area of Your Life—and Actually Stick to Them
Gaslighting often fuels isolation and self-doubt, so emotionally intelligent women know they need to lean on others. A trusted friend, family member, therapist or mentor is a solid option.“Talking it through helps validate their reality and soothe any lingering confusion,” Dr. Kelley explains. “Being believed is often the antidote to being gaslit.”
4. They decide whether the relationship (or entity or group) is good for them in the long run
Staying with a person or group who gaslights you can be all too easy, simply by the nature of how insidious gaslighting and similar manipulation tactics are. Emotional intelligence can help a woman look at the bigger picture. “If a person, workplace or community repeatedly undermines them, they weigh the cost of staying,” Dr. Kelley says. “Protecting their long-term well-being takes precedence over short-term comfort.”
As already mentioned, having your reality validated can be incredibly healing. While doing that with another person is important, people can practice it by themselves too. “Rather than just pushing the experience aside, they integrate it,” Dr. Kelley says. “Journaling or therapy helps them clarify their inner truths, track patterns and release stored emotions. This keeps the gaslighting from festering inside.”
6. They check the facts to remind themselves of what they know to be true
If you don’t feel that you have many people to turn to, this tool might be especially necessary. “Gaslighting clouds memory and self-trust, so they anchor themselves in evidence,” Dr. Kelley says. This can be through an email trail, a written timeline or simply remembering your consistent experience. “This step strengthens confidence in their own perception,” she says.
7. They emotionally individuate and express their boundaries early in future relationships
“Individuation” is the process of coming to terms with who you are and seeing yourself as a distinct person from others. In this context, it can help people avoid becoming codependent with the gaslighter.“They learn from past gaslighting by building strong filters for who they let in,” Dr. Kelley says. This is different from completely avoiding people or assuming everyone is toxic.“By setting boundaries early, they reduce the chance of re-experiencing the same harm,” she continues. “Over time, this becomes an act of self-protection and empowerment.”Related: 14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists
How To Work on These Skills
If you feel you haven’t been able to respond in the ways listed above, you don’t need to feel guilt or shame. You are not alone. Gaslighting is incredibly tricky, and emotional intelligence is something that grows over time with the help of various experiences. There are also other factors, such as people-pleasing, that may be at play. With boundary-setting and responding to gaslighting, Dr. Kelley recommends starting small. “Try practicing even one of these steps in a safe situation, even if it’s only halfway,” she says. “It could be as simple as sharing your opinion with a cashier or journaling about your experience instead of keeping it bottled up.”When it comes to building emotional intelligence, Dr. Kelley is a fan of self-expression. “Activities like art, writing, music or movement orient you back to your own voice, reminding you of who you were before gaslighting eroded your confidence,” she explains. “Every time you practice listening to yourself, you deepen the trust in your own inner compass.”Again, this takes time and effort. It won’t be a linear process; you’ll make mistakes, and that’s okay.“Building emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection,” she says. “It’s about creating small, consistent moments where you stand with yourself.”Up Next:
Related: 7 Traits That Separate Emotionally Intelligent Leaders From Everyone Else
Source:
Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author of Gaslighting Recovery for WomenHence then, the article about 7 things emotionally intelligent women do when someone tries to gaslight them was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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