The term "gaslighting" can be overused and misunderstood, but that doesn't take away the fact that it is a harmful experience when it occurs."Gaslighting happens when a person tries to make someone else doubt their own sense of reality," says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist as well as the founder and Director of Comprehend the Mind. "They might deny things that happened, dismiss feelings or retell events in a way that causes confusion. When feelings are dismissed, the person on the receiving end starts to question whether their emotions are valid at all."Gaslighting hurts in any situation, but we often discuss it more in terms of intimate and parental relationships. But it can happen in the workplace too. Understanding what gaslighting an employee can sound like helps you protect yourself—and know when it's time to start applying for new jobs. Dr. Hafeez breaks down seven phrases that employers use to gaslight employees and what to do.Related: 175 Performance Review Phrases To Use When Talking About Strengths and Weaknesses
Why Gaslighting an Employee Is Harmful
Dr. Hafeez notes that gaslighting in the workplace undermines confidence, erodes the foundation of the employer-employee relationship, reduces productivity and saps morale."The manipulator might brush off sadness, anger or worry as 'too sensitive' or 'overreacting,'" she explains. "It makes the other person doubt their natural responses. This kind of behavior is used to gain control over the other person. After a while, it can wear down someone’s confidence and make them rely on the manipulator’s version of the truth."It's challenging to take risks or feel safe sharing ideas in a workplace with a gaslighting employer. Plus, who wants to be around a toxic boss or coworker like that? While that question was rhetorical, she does share that it's worth noting how gaslighting also destroys boss-employee relations."When an employee feels their experiences are denied or minimized, resentment and mistrust begin to grow," Dr. Hafeez explains. "This kind of tension creates distance, making collaboration and open communication difficult. Instead of focusing on their work, the employee may become guarded or defensive. Over time, the relationship shifts from cooperative to adversarial."Say "So long!" to morale and productivity, both of which thrive on trust that everyone is working toward a common goal—and valued.Related: 9 Subtle Signs of Gaslighting That Are Often Easy to Miss, According to Psychologists
These are common phrases used by a gaslighting boss to employees, a psychologist warns.
If this statement isn't true—and used habitually—it reeks of gaslighting an employee."This suggests the employee missed something that may never have been discussed," Dr. Hafeez warns. "It makes them feel unprepared or inattentive when that isn’t the case."
2. 'You must have misunderstood the assignment.'
Bosses who struggle with clear communication and accountability often use this phrase to gaslight employees. Also, frankly, it is an example of passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace."It blames the employee for confusion, even if the instructions were unclear," Dr. Hafeez says. "This creates doubt about their ability to follow directions."
Numbers may not lie, but a gaslighting boss often does, making you doubt your reality in the process."Even when the data is correct, the employer insists it’s not," Dr. Hafeez explains. "This erodes trust in the employee’s own work."
4. 'That deadline was always today.'
Perhaps this is true in the gaslighting boss's head (generous interpretation). Or, maybe their higher-up wanted it sooner, and now they're throwing you under the bus. Or, perhaps they just got antsy and are just plain lying. Either way, pretending a deadline was always sooner when it definitely wasn't (you may even have email receipts that go ignored) is gaslighting."Changing expectations last minute and claiming they were always set creates pressure and self-doubt," Dr. Hafeez says. "It makes the employee feel careless for something they didn’t miss."Related: If You Have Imposter Syndrome, You Likely Live With These 9 ‘Unspoken Fears,’ a Psychologist Says
Except that you have a message in your inbox that says otherwise, and they're still sliding into your Slack DMs or cornering you at the coffee machine with this gaslighting phrase."By denying approval, the employer avoids responsibility and blames the employee," Dr. Hafeez says. "It forces the employee to question their memory of the exchange."
6. 'I didn’t say to do it that way.'
When used to gaslight an employee, this phrase is a total confidence-ruiner and an example of blame-shifting."This dismisses the effort put into the task and implies incompetence," Dr. Hafeez explains. "It also covers up unclear or shifting directions from the employer."
It's nails on a chalkboard to a hardworking employee—and Dr. Hafeez."It downplays challenges the employee is legitimately facing," she says. "This discourages them from raising valid obstacles in the future."Related: The #1 Biggest Red Flag in a Job Posting, According to a Career Coach
3 Tips for Dealing With a Gaslighting Boss
1. Stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally
This one is hard but important."Gaslighters often feed off emotional responses, so keeping your composure takes away some of their power," Dr. Hafeez says. "A calm tone shows you are confident in your perspective."
A boss may gaslight you despite evidence that contradicts their claims. However, other higher-ups might be more attuned to reality. "Keep detailed notes of conversations, emails and agreements so you have a clear record of what actually happened," Dr. Hafeez explains. "This helps counter false claims and gives you evidence if you need to escalate the issue."If nothing else? Documentation helps you."Writing things down also reinforces your own sense of reality when doubt starts to creep in.Seek support outside the workplace," she points out.
3. Find support outside of work
You spend so much time at work, and your frustrations are real. However, remember: work is not all you have."Talk with a friend or someone you trust who you work with who can validate your experiences and give perspective," Dr. Hafeez notes. "Having outside voices helps break the cycle of self-doubt that gaslighting creates." Up Next:
Related: If You Answer 'Yes' to Any of These 5 Questions, You're Probably Undervalued at Work, Says a Psychologist
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Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., is a neuropsychologist as well as the founder and director of Comprehend the Mind.Hence then, the article about gaslighting an employee can sound like these 7 phrases a psychologist warns was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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