Who’s to say that we can’t learn anything from Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and princess of Montecito? We were barely 15 minutes into the first episode of the second season of her Netflix series, With Love, Meghan, and I sat up straight to digest an arcane but true fact of which I’d been hitherto unaware.
During an exposition on flower arranging, one of Meghan’s guests explained that Samurai warriors were trained in calligraphy and flower arranging “to help with their focus and dexterity”.
Like me, Meghan was taken aback to discover this item of esoterica. She put on her best astonished expression, hands on head like an emoji made flesh. “Is this so wild that I do flower arranging and calligraphy?” she exclaimed, to no one in particular.
But one of her guests found the energy to respond appropriately: “There you are,” he said. “You’d make a hell of a samurai.”
Samurai warriors were known as much for their strict code of honour and their discretion in personal matters as for their ability to put together a handsome floral bouquet, so I’m not sure that Meghan, the quintessential product of our tell-all world, would easily fit into the milieu of the ancient Japanese warrior.
Nevertheless, I was lost in wonder sitting through Meghan’s lifestyle goddess show. First of all, I wondered whether Netflix think they’ve got value for the millions they invested in Meghan and Harry. Yes, they got the interview, but surely they wanted more for their money than a recipe for caramelised onion tarts.
And then I wondered what Harry thinks of it all. Does he feel a glow of pride when his wife comes up with the idea of turmeric marshmallows? Or, like the rest of us, do his toes curl at the studied confection of her perfect domestic life: the water marbling (no, I am none the wiser, either), what to do with the daikon radish in your pantry, and the endless supply of cheese (I’m talking about the conversation, not the burrata).
He must have known, or at least been told, what he was in for when he married a Hollywood actress, so he can’t really complain now. Besides which, she’s his passport to the Netflix millions. And that, in turn, made me think about Travis Kelce, freshly betrothed fiancé of Taylor Swift.
square SIMON KELNER Finally, we have proof that nice people don't finish last
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Even though he is as close to royalty as Americans can manage (he’s a multiple Super Bowl winner), he has also signed on for a married life in which his wife’s stock in trade is to make the private public (Swift’s multiple break-ups have been catalogued in her songs, and fans already think her relationship with Kelce has inspired a few recent tunes). Meghan has already, after all, revealed in With Love, Meghan that Harry said “I love you” first, that she knew she loved him after their third date, and that he doesn’t like lobster.
I am not suggesting that there is a direct comparison between Taylor and Meghan. For a start, Taylor makes art rather than flatbreads and she is relatable in a way that Meghan, with her princess la-di-da style, could never be. But they are both guilty of exactly the same sophistry.
Witness the way Taylor and Travis announced their engagement. “Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married,” they posted on Instagram. In it, they are manufacturing the impression that they are people we know, with whom we are familiar, next-door types rather than the billionaire celebrity couple of reality. It’s a rather nauseating conceit.
Likewise, Meghan wants us to believe that she is in her own kitchen (even though we know it to be a film set) and that she is some kind of everywoman, knocking up a quick herb salad before making some jewellery with flower petals.
There may be a market for this kind of stuff, but you don’t have to be a cynic to ponder what will happen if it all ends in tears. In fact, the tears may be the least of it. For Travis, we know he will be the subject of a million-selling song, with no right of reply. And for Harry? It will be a helping of humble pie followed by a large slice of I-Told-You-So pudding, remorselessly played out on a screen near you.
For the moment, however, we have to live with the pretence of it all.
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