Hearing that you need to improve in some way—in regards to your behavior, skills or work, for example—can be difficult. This applies even to constructive criticism or feedback given in a supportive manner. For many of us, it can be hard to hear—even when we know that no one’s perfect, and that people still love us even when we make mistakes. But how can you get better at receiving comments meant to help you improve? One way to help you deal with supportive feedback is to think about what ways successful people handle constructive criticism. It's important to learn how to let casual or professional evaluations be helpful rather than hurtful. Being able to hear, accept and act on feedback can help your relationships and career in meaningful ways (and is just a necessary part of life). To succeed, you have to fail over and over again. And what better way to find out how to handle it than to hear how people who are flourishing in their own lives do it?So, with that said, Parade reached out to psychologists for insights. Why can constructive criticism be hard to handle, and in their professional experience, how do successful people deal with it? Read on to find out.Related: People Who Were Constantly Criticized as Children Often Experience These 8 Relationship Problems, Psychologists Say
First, let’s validate why kind, helpful, constructive criticism can stir up negative emotions.For starters, it’s input on how we’re seen by others, which can be a sensitive topic in our relationship-driven world. “We have an innate sense that humans have value, but we fear that we personally will be unmasked as someone lacking value, shown to be as flawed as we fear we truly are,” says Dr. Russell Morfitt, PhD, a licensed psychologist who has over 25 years of experience and co-founded Learn to Live. “Even well-intended constructive criticism pushes on that fear.”What happens behind the scenes, he explains, is that when someone receives feedback, they engage in "mind-reading." They may begin to think the worst, and that they're flawed at the core, especially if they already have low self-esteem.On a deeper, more psychological level, schemas can play a role too. “Constructive criticism isn’t equally difficult for everyone, but when it’s hard to handle, the reasons often come down to a person’s core beliefs, also known as schemas,” says Dr. Avigail Lev, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and the director of the Bay Area CBT Center. Schemas are deeply rooted beliefs and views we have about ourselves and others, and they stem from our childhood experiences.She shares some types, such as a failure schema, abandonment schema, emotional deprivation schema and defectiveness/shame schema. For example, someone with a failure schema may be sensitive to competence criticism, and someone with an emotional deprivation schema may be more bothered by criticism that leaves them feeling unseen or misunderstood.Related: The #1 Sign Someone Needs More Reassurance in Their Relationship, a Psychotherapist Says
9 Ways Successful People Handle Constructive Criticism, Psychologists Reveal
Even if you struggle with low self-esteem and negative schemas, you can handle constructive criticism in a mature, reflective way. Dr. Morfitt and Dr. Lev share nine tried-and-true ways to do so.
Successful people are less likely to automatically assume what someone said about them is true, and they're aware of their schemas. They consider not only what the other person said about them, but also what they think of themselves.“By seeing both perspectives, they depersonalize feedback and avoid reacting purely from emotion,” Dr. Lev says.
2. They remind themselves that feedback is just an opinion
Taking someone’s feedback as fact can be all too easy, but it simply isn’t true. What they're sharing is something that everyone won’t necessarily agree on.What helps, Dr. Morfitt says, is engaging in helpful self-talk and considering the opinions of people they care about.A couple of helpful positive affirmations to tell yourself include, “You are enough, just as you are” (shoutout to Meghan Markle for that one) and “No one can tell you who you are except for you” (thanks, Serena Williams!).
What your friend says about you matters more than what a stranger says, right? And what someone in your field says about your work means more than words from someone who doesn’t understand your field. These are just some examples of reminders that successful people tend to keep in mind. They consider whether the person is in their “feedback circle” or not.“These are individuals who know them well, care about them and have their best interests at heart,” Dr. Lev says. “Feedback from outside the circle is weighed less heavily. This helps them prioritize what truly matters and avoid being sidetracked by noise.”Related: 9 Signs Someone Is a Negative Influence on You, Psychologists Warn
4. They assess the source’s credibility and intentions
Similarly to focusing on certain people’s feedback, successful people also tend to question the feedback giver’s knowledge and intent. Dr. Lev gives a comparison of a seasoned mentor’s feedback on work performance versus a casual acquaintance’s offhand comment. The former is more likely to hold, be helpful and lead to growth.“When they remind themselves that not everyone has all the right information, the expertise or the wisdom needed to provide valuable criticism, they can be selective in which feedback they attend to,” Dr. Morfitt adds. “They consider the source.”Related: If You Answer ‘Yes’ to Any of These 5 Questions, You’re Probably Undervalued at Work, Says a Psychologist
A piece of constructive criticism doesn’t determine who you are or your worth (even though that can be difficult to remember sometimes).To help, Dr. Lev says, successful people look for “specific, observable behaviors in the criticism rather than taking it as an attack on their character.” In other words, maybe your latest project isn’t your best work, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a hardworking, skilled employee.“This allows them to evaluate the feedback objectively and decide if it points to a changeable behavior worth addressing,” Dr. Lev adds.
6. They extract the useful part and let go of the rest
Successful people take the feedback that will help them grow—like the behavior to work on, or the suggestion from a well-meaning, close co-worker—and ignore the less helpful parts.Dr. Lev says some questions successful people may ask themselves to get to this point include:
Is there value in this? Have I heard it from others before?Is it actionable?“If the answer is yes, they take the useful piece and work with it,” she continues. “If the feedback is vague, overly personal or rooted in the other person’s issues, they discard it. This filtering process keeps them open to growth while protecting their confidence.”
As hard as hearing constructive criticism can be, it’s not the worst thing, right? Plus, many times, our worries represent the worst-case scenario, not the most likely one.Dr. Morfitt explains what the decatastrophization process looks like for a successful person. “They are able to do this by pausing and pretending that the bad thing they might imagine growing out of this feedback actually is true for a time, and consider how bad this would be in the scheme of human events," he says.Related: The #1 Best Way To Stop Being Defensive in Relationships, According to Therapists
8. They consider other factors
Have you ever gotten constructive criticism and thought, “Well, they didn’t get the whole picture” or something similar? Don’t ignore that. Dr. Morfitt says that successful people consider the role that other factors played, the idea that flaws revealed are narrow and that identified shortcomings can be remediated. “In general, we are able to make the most of the past and prevent ourselves from becoming more pessimistic and negative when we ask these questions,” he adds.
9. They practice gratitude
Constructive criticism may not feel great, but it can point towards beautiful things. Perhaps the fact that you have a boss who cares about your performance, or a friend who wants a stronger relationship with you? Or the fact that you’re about to become better at what you do?“The receiver of the criticism takes on a grateful posture, appreciating the opportunity to consider what may be an addressable shortcoming,” Dr. Morfitt says. Research on the benefits of gratitude continues to grow too. For example, a 2023 study in Einstein (Sao Paulo) found that simple acts of gratitude can treat anxiety and depression, as well as increase positive feelings and emotions. Gratitude also has physical health benefits, such as improvements in heart health and sleep.Keep in mind that practicing these habits is a practice. You’ll have times when you struggle, and that’s okay! Give yourself compassion and patience. Don’t beat yourself up—that doesn’t help anybody.Up Next:
Related: Rejection Stinks—Here’s How To Deal With It, According to Experts
Sources:
Dr. Russell Morfitt, PhD, a licensed psychologist who has over 25 years of experience, and the co-founder and Chief Clinical Officer of Learn to LiveDr. Avigail Lev, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist, a certified mediator and the director of the Bay Area CBT CenterHence then, the article about 9 ways successful people handle constructive criticism according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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