It’s that time of year again: the school holidays are upon us. And so begins one of the most difficult periods for parents and care-givers across the country as they struggle to balance work and childcare, while also aiming to make some magical memories as a family.
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There is an undeniable pressure on parents as this difficult juggling act usually lasts for around six weeks – sometimes even longer. And there can be added layers of demand that come from society, comparison, others, and even from ourselves as we strive to be a “perfect” parent. But it is often these extra layers of stress that we can choose to unburden ourselves from – and in doing so, actually give our children a happier school holiday.
When we put unrealistic pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone all of the time, combined with financial expenditure, multi-tasking and a lack of time and space, we can experience all kind of emotions; from guilt, to overwhelm and exhaustion, and anxiety and hypervigilance to always feeling like a failure.
While the original concept of school holidays was to give children space and time and for families to make memories together, parents and care-givers often experience a mixture of emotions during this period of increased demands. Obviously, the school holidays are often joyful and those moments are beneficial to our mental and emotional health. But being aware of what might cause strain and stress during this time – and planning accordingly – can help us all have a better experience.
So, how can we try to do this? There are three elements to look at: practical, mental and emotional.
Many of us are guilty of over-planning and filling up our schedules with too many activities. Look at each week and organise a couple of things, but make sure you have a couple of down-time days too when you can all do what you feel like doing at the time – which might include resting. Remember, children can get really tired during term time, so having time to rest can be really healthy. Sit down with your children at the start of the break and chat with them about one or two things they would really like to do, and a couple of things you would like to do. Choosing a good mixture of different activities that let everyone feel represented is helpful, as well as any ideas for bad-weather pastimes. Think about your work schedule and how you will manage this during the holidays – can you talk to your boss about some flexibility, can you highlight any potential trigger points that might be difficult, and can you make the most of the resources around you to pick up any slack if needed?
Mental strategies
(Photo: PeopleImages/Getty/iStockphoto)We are all taught certain ways to think about parenthood; this often comes from conditioning from society telling us we have to be “perfect” all of the time, from our experience of our own parents and childhood, and from the dreaded social media comparison of what we think other people are doing. How we feel about all of these things will dictate some of the level of parental pressure we experience during school holidays.
Avoid comparison, stay away from social media and its perfect illusory images, and make sure you surround yourself with other parents who don’t add to your stress. No one is perfect as a parent and, interestingly, being aware of this can make us “more perfect”.
Be aware of your thoughts if they are self-critical or harsh. You are not “failing” – you are human and doing your best and that is more than enough. We can also have a fear that our children will be bored if we don’t engage them all of the time. Science has proven that boredom sparks imagination, curiosity and adventure so embrace it.
Finances can also so tight, so consider communicating with your children about what is possible and what isn’t, as well as making the most of free and low-cost possibilities. Some of the most exciting, fun and memorable experiences we have as children are free. Our minds can also get fixated on what we have planned to do on a specific date; this can make us rigid and leave everyone feeling trapped. Have a structure in place but be flexible in your approach.
Emotional steps
One of the most useful things we can do as a parent during school holidays is to identify those situations that cause stress. Identify your emotions of anxiety or failure, name them, notice them and let them pass.
Make sure you get comfortable with saying no when you need to, and don’t let your feelings make you not ask for support when you need it. It can also be easy to neglect your own self-care during this time and to stop all the activities that make you feel good; exercise, seeing your friends, having some time out for yourself. If you can, try to keep some of these going; you may not be able to do these to 100 per cent but keep them at least at 50 per cent.
As with anything, putting on your own oxygen mask first is the most useful and helpful and caring thing you can do as a parent during the school holidays. Children pick up on and are impacted by our stress, so being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to be a happier parent is the key to being the best and most “perfect” parent you can be.
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