Amanda Anisimova didn’t just lose the Wimbledon final this weekend, she was humiliated. A 0-6, 0-6 score-line is brutal in any match, let alone on Centre Court in the Championship final. In under an hour, the best moment of her life unravelled and became one of the worst in front of millions watching.
Elsewhere, Novak Djokovic, arguably the greatest male player of all time, was demolished by the young world number one, Jannik Sinner, causing the Serbian modern master of resilience to even question his playing future. Two tennis giants, undone in the most public of sports. But if defeat on such a stage teaches us anything, it’s this: losing, however painful, will not define us –unless we let it.
We are increasingly conditioned to believe that failure marks the end, that to stumble is to fall forever, especially in public. But that’s not how life works. Defeat is often just the first draft of a much better story. Ask JK Rowling, famously rejected by 12 publishers before Harry Potter found a home at Bloomsbury. She went on to sell more than 500 million copies. Or The Beatles, told infamously by Decca Records in a 1961 rejection letter that guitar bands were “finished”. Or Apple’s Steve Jobs, ousted from the company he co-founded. All three came back stronger, their so-called failures redefined as turning points, not tombstones.
In sport, that narrative is painfully familiar. Gareth Southgate’s missed Euro ’96 penalty hung around his neck for two decades – until he returned to lead England with grace and humility. Stuart Pearce’s redemption, scoring in the shootout at Euro ’96 after his 1990 World Cup heartbreak, remains one of the most moving moments in English football.
Even Tottenham Hotspur, mocked for being “Spursy” – brittle, unlucky, nearly-there – may have shaken that tag by winning the Europa League. You don’t have to win every time. You just have to keep turning up. As a long-suffering Fulham fan, I should know.
Everyone suffers setbacks. Not just athletes and artists, but ordinary people: immigrants forced to leave home and rebuild lives from scratch; the bereaved, who must rediscover life without the person they built it with; people who are sacked or made redundant. These are devastating, but universal, moments.
Which is why we should be more deliberate in how we teach children to deal with defeat. When my children were at school in New York, they were given medals just for turning up to sports day – not for running quickest or trying hard. Just for being there. It seemed harmless, even kind. But over time, I realised it was anything but. If you never learn how to lose, you never learn how to recover.
We do children no favours by shielding them from disappointment. Life won’t. The job won’t always come. The person won’t always stay. The publisher may say no. There are no medals for taking part. What matters more than winning is resilience: how we respond when we fall short. Because in the end, we are not measured by our setbacks, but by how we carry them and move on.
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