When the going gets tough, it makes sense that many of us retreat sometimes, preferring instead to hide away from others and process things on our own. While this certainly can be a healthy coping mechanism for a short time, if someone begins to emotionally close themselves off from friends and loved ones, it can be cause for concern. Ahead, look for the seven signs that you or someone you care about might be “emotionally isolated.” Plus, a psychologist reveals what this term actually means, common causes of emotional isolation and how to help someone in your life if they're feeling this deep loneliness, disconnection or apathy.Related: Psychologists Are Begging People To Pay Attention to These 11 Early Signs of Loneliness
Being “emotionally isolated” means that you may feel disconnected from others on a deep, personal level—even if you’re around people on a regular basis, as clinical psychologist Dr. Lauren Cook explains. “You may feel like no one notices you or that you're emotionally unsupported by others,” she says. “You might go through the motions socially and others may even be surprised to know that you're feeling lonely and disconnected. For others, it can even border into a dissociative state where you feel disconnected from your body and physicality.” Related: The #1 Sign You Might Be Heading for an Existential Crisis—Plus, What To Do About It, According to Experts
What Causes Someone To Be Emotionally Isolated?
There are several things that can lead to someone feeling emotionally isolated. According to Dr. Cook, this state can come about from past trauma, chronic stress, depression, anxiety (especially social anxiety) or “simply not feeling safe enough to open up,” she adds.It can also result from life changes—such as moving to a new city, going through a breakup or losing a loved one. “It's important to know though that these feelings do not have to last forever,” Dr. Cook says. “It's not a diagnosis or a chronic life condition.” Related: 7 Signs of Depression Most People Miss, According to Mental Health Experts
“It's that fake smile or a forced laugh, but you know that they're not genuinely enjoying the moment with you,” Dr. Cook observes. Related: Individuals Who Grew Up as 'People-Pleasers' Usually Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
2. They avoid deep conversations
You may notice that your pal or loved one only shares small details, only wants to send you memes or keeps the focus solely on you, as Dr. Cook says. “It can mean they’re avoiding their own feelings,” she adds.
Dr. Cook says that in some cases, staying “perpetually busy” is actually a defense mechanism, and can be a sign of emotional isolation. “When you keep yourself so distracted that you have no time to feel your feelings, it's a cue of emotional isolation, even if that's not intentional,” she explains.Related: Can Online Community Be Just as Beneficial as IRL Connections? A Psychologist Weighs In
4. They minimize their feelings
This person may say that they’re fine or that their problems are no big deal, but it may be due to the fact that they’re worried about being a burden to others, as Dr. Cook says. Related: 16 Common Phrases Unhappy People Often Use Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say
“When they need support the most, they go into a dark tunnel where they don't answer your texts, you can't get ahold of them (sometimes for weeks) and they've just generally ghosted,” Dr. Cook explains.
6. They don’t share happy developments either
Dr. Cook points out that emotional isolation isn’t just about suppressing pain externally—it’s also not letting others in on the positive moments either.Related: The Dangers of Loneliness That More People Should Be Talking About, According to a Cleveland Clinic Psychologist
7. They may be experiencing suicidality
“It's important to make note of this because the two can go hand in hand,” Dr. Cook cautions. “When people emotionally isolate, they can feel ashamed of their pain or like no one wants to hear about it. If this is the case, it's important to get external and professional help. This feeling of intensity can pass.” Related: Parents and Grandparents Should Look Out for These 11 Signs of Loneliness in Loved Ones
How To Help
Perhaps you’re noticing all the signs in someone you suspect is emotionally isolating themselves. To help, Dr. Cook recommends “creating an environment where they can share, one where there’s no pressure to disclose.” She adds, “Let them know you’re there for them, not to fix them, but to listen.”Additionally, you should avoid pushing someone to share, and instead, you may want to start with a little self-disclosure yourself “where you open up about your own emotions.” Dr. Cook goes on to say, “Show that you can demonstrate empathy for their experience. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.” Related: 'I'm a Psychologist—These Are the 5 Surprising Things I Swear By To Combat Loneliness'
Lastly, if someone begins to withdraw completely from communicating, or they seem disingenuous, forced or fake in their interactions, be mindful of these differences. “Look out for major shifts in mood, changes in sleep or appetite, feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness or any clues that they’re thinking about self-harm or suicide,” Dr. Cook advises. “Don't ignore your gut—if something feels wrong, it’s okay to check in directly or seek help from a mental health professional.” Note: If you or someone you care about is experiencing suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone and help is available. Reaching out can feel difficult, but support can make a life-changing difference. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988, or by visiting 988lifeline.org. Trained counselors offer free, confidential support for anyone in emotional distress or crisis.
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Dr. Lauren Cook, clinical psychologist Read More Details
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