When rowdy American GIs flooded the UK during World War II, fed-up Brits declared them “over-paid, over-sexed, over-fed and over here”. Eighty years on, a new generation of Yanks are landing on our fair shores. Girls creator Lena Dunham is among a star-studded cast of American émigrés who have “pulled a geographic”, in her words, and decamped to London.
She joins Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, who gave up their multi-million dollar Californian villa in Montecito for a Cotswolds farm estate. Designer Tom Ford bought an £80m whopper of a Chelsea mansion last year, while Ryan Gosling has been spotted house-hunting in southwest London. Filmmaking power couple Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach also dipped their toe from across the pond and relocated to the capital for a year.
There’s a name for these newcomers: Donald Dashers.
One Notting Hill estate agent told the Mail that they are currently fielding up to 60 enquiries a week from Americans looking to secure a quick getaway from Trump’s America. Who can blame them? Just this week, the New York Times ran a story on whether he could get himself carved into Mount Rushmore, as some diehard MAGA fans believe he should. The white cliffs of Dover must seem a whole lot more enticing in that light.
Britain has had a long history of attracting Americans – Edward VIII, after all, was so taken with one that he abdicated the throne for her. In the late 1800s, hundreds of British aristocrats tied the knot to newly monied American debutantes, who provided a much-needed cash influx for mildewy castles in exchange for impressive titles and social status.
These days, the deals are a little less transactional and seem to be more rooted in genuine affection for our country. Dunham told The Times that her dream is to own a countryside pad with “children with British accents skipping off to school in little hats and uniforms”.
Here’s some advice for our newly arrived friends, courtesy of someone who moved here some two decades ago: British culture is more than boater hats and darling little school pinafores. There were several things that absolutely flummoxed me when I came here, and I’d hate to see our Yank friends fall foul of the same social faux pas.
First of all, the standard British greeting may sound like somebody asking you about your day: “Hello, you alright?” Be warned – we are not genuinely asking you to tell us how you are doing. The correct response to this is: “Yeah alright, you?” And no, you are not interested in their answer either. If you are not alright, please do not ever tell us – the average Brit is likely to burst into flames of embarrassment if you choose this exact moment to unburden yourself.
While in conversation, do not be alarmed if a Brit struggles to make prolonged eye contact with you or reacts with surprise if you casually touch their shoulder or arm. As the inventors of the English language, we cannot bear to lower ourselves to engage in non-verbal social cues that the rest of the world finds easy.
Or maybe we are just a deeply socially awkward country, and we judge those who aren’t. Even the most charming and attractive among us must find ways to mitigate their white-hot charisma, which is why Hugh Grant was forced to hide his face behind curtains in the 90s.
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Here are the conversational subjects that are Correct and Appropriate and not likely to lead to any major falling out: the new season of Traitors, Love Island, or if absolutely necessary, wondering what old cast members of Gogglebox are up to now.
Obviously, the weather is an old standby. British people may be complaining now about the heatwave, but we secretly love having something to complain about – we find it uniting. With the climate crisis worsening extreme temperatures, Brits will find more to complain about than ever – lucky us!
There are several shibboleths that an American simply must not go near. We may bemoan the current state of the NHS, but we will turn on you if you do the same – you may hear the words “don’t your lot pay $1,000 for an ambulance” sarcastically muttered. If you want to complain about a public service, laying into Thames Water usually goes down a storm.
A word to the wise: living in Britain today feels a little like living on the top deck of the Titanic right before the ship goes down. The deckchairs are starting to slide sideways. Food is expensive and the lights are blinking on and off alarmingly.
But if you’re the kind of well-to-do American who can afford to jump ship for a different country – well, I’m sure you’ve got another lifeboat waiting for you. The rest of us are going down with the crew – stiff upper lip, Googlebox reruns and all.
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