Who among us did not find it heart-breaking that the Hollywood legend Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their Santa Fe home after days – perhaps weeks – of solitude, with Hackman living with his wife’s body for a week?
It is not his celebrity that makes this so poignant; it is the haunting reflection of a society that has allowed its elderly to become ghosts in their own lives. Their story reminds us that in an ageing, lonely population there is a real crisis hiding in plain sight: the neglect of those who once nurtured us.
In the same week this was revealed, I learned my late mother’s nonagenarian best friend had died. Lovely Lenuccia lived her entire life in a small Italian village, surrounded by the warmth of generations. Rather than consign her to a care home, her family moved to live with her in their lifelong home. There, she was enveloped in familial love – a final embrace that ensured she was never alone.
These contrasting narratives starkly illustrate the divergence in how we treat our elders. On one side is a society that appears to have become increasingly disenchanted with the idea of community. On the other, those who understand that caring for the old is not an optional kindness but a vital duty, which, if neglected, leaves a gaping void in the fabric of our shared humanity.
It can be a matter of life and death. Literally. My mother and her retired neighbour, both creatures of habit, once noticed that an elderly man up the road had not followed his daily ritual: taking his customary morning walk, to check if they needed him to do anything for them! Concerned by this subtle change, they checked on him, only to discover through his letterbox that poor Alan was lying at the foot of his stairs, having suffered a diabetic coma the day before. That simple act of care may have saved his life.
square STEFANO HATFIELD
Living longer is not always something to be celebrated
Read MoreIt’s an uncomfortable truth: the isolated demise of those we hold dear are not merely personal tragedies, they are an indictment on society. When our elders slip through the cracks, left alone in the quiet of their homes, we are all complicit. The deaths of Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa, the end of an Italian village matriarch surrounded by family, and the near tragedy of a neighbour’s fall are differing events that echo the same silent plea for connection and care.
What, as a community and as individuals, are we doing to prevent these tragedies from becoming commonplace? The solution surely lies not in grand gestures but in small, consistent acts of kindness: the willingness to check on an elderly neighbour; to notice subtle shifts in behaviour that might signal distress; and to create a culture where our elders are cherished rather than forgotten.
One day, that old man at the foot of the stairs might be you. And then, who will be there to knock on your door?
It is time to re-embrace the responsibility of caring for our own; to rebuild the sense of community that has been eroded by the relentless march of modern life. Only then can we hope to honour the lives of those who came before us and ensure loneliness is not the final chapter of anyone’s story.
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