Emilio Nares would have turned 30 years old Monday. For his parents, Diane and Richard, his birthdays are sacred. They don’t make specific plans on Jan. 6, they let the day take them where they need to go. They spending time reflecting on his life and their life together.
Their birthday traditions include practicing yoga, meditating and walking near their Mission Hills home through Pioneer Park, a special place where they would take daily walks with Emilio, their only child. He passed away in 2000, just shy of his sixth birthday, three years after being diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia.
“We wonder who this beautiful, wise young child would turn out to be as a 30-year-old man,” Diane said. “The missed opportunities are probably the most painful part of all.”
“But we pause to remember that he is with us every day and continues to be. We feel him within us, we dream about him and his presence is very much alive in our lives.”
Diane Nares holds Emilio at about 3 months old. (Photo courtesy of Diane Nares)In honor of Emilio, Diane and Richard founded the Emilio Nares Foundation (ENF), a nonprofit dedicated to supporting families who face financial hardships while caring for children battling cancer or other life-threatening illnesses. ENF’s flagship program, Ride with Emilio, provides free transportation services to families in need across San Diego and Orange County, ensuring children never miss critical medical treatments.
Diane’s grief journey also led her to write “His Place at the Table,” a poignant memoir about her life with Emilio and navigating loss. Since its release, she has shared her story extensively, helping others recognize grieving is a deeply personal process — one that is rarely linear, but full of opportunities for healing, growth and transformation.
“Sometimes I marvel at the amount of healing or moments of joy that are so abundant in our lives,” Diane said. “And I ask myself always, how can that be? Emilio’s not here. How can I have found happiness again?”
For those grieving, her story is a powerful reminder that joy and extreme sorrow can coexist — that it’s possible to carry both, side by side.
When facing milestones such as birthdays or anniversaries after a loss, her advice is simple yet profound:
Be Gentle with Yourself
Give yourself permission to say no to invitations and obligations. Protect your energy by focusing on what you truly need, rather than trying to meet everyone else’s expectations.
Embrace the Pain of “Firsts”
The first milestones — holidays, birthdays, anniversaries — are often the hardest. Allow yourself to grieve deeply, but take small steps to care for yourself, such as walking in nature, calling a friend or simply sitting quietly with your memories.
Running Away Doesn’t Help
Escaping to a different place might seem like a solution, but grief follows wherever you go. It’s better to stay connected to loved ones who can offer comfort, even if that just means being present and holding space for your sorrow.
Allow Emotions to Coexist
Grief is never just one emotion — it’s a mix of sadness, anger, love, hope and more. Accept that these feelings will surface unexpectedly and that it’s possible to experience joy alongside pain.
Grief Shifts Over Time
Grief has no set timeline or finish line where you simply “get over it.” With time, the intensity may soften, and you’ll begin to make room for joy and hope, but the love and connection with those you’ve lost will always remain.
You Can Be Okay and Not Okay
It’s possible to feel both sadness and peace at the same time. Learning to live with grief means accepting that you won’t “fix” it, but you can carry it alongside moments of light and love.
On Monday evening, the ENF team will celebrate Emilio’s birthday with Diane and Richard. The celebration is a way to reflect on the foundation’s roots and to remind everyone of its mission and purpose.
“Emilio is the little boy who inspired a movement and his legacy continues,” Diane said. “The entire ENF team remembers this always. We look forward to gathering in this sweet and heartfelt way, in community.”
“Emilio would have liked that,” Diane said.
For more information about Diane Nares and her book “His Place at the Table” go to dianenares.com. Information about the Emilio Nares Foundation is available at enfhope.org.
This is the first story in a Times of San Diego 2025 series about grief. Have a story idea? Email [email protected].
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